The slow, sure and steady
Today's going a bit better though I have some weird sinusy weirdness going on. If I could describe it better than that, I would. And if I could tell you why today is better than yesterday when it's not much different, at all, than yesterday, I would. My therapist has been on vacation for two weeks and I'll resume my schedule Friday (for a week; next week's staff party will interrupt it again) and as much as I'd like to think I'm done with therapy, I'm apparently so not. What I find so frustrating is the way I think it's gone, depression, and the way it fucking sneaks back in out of nowhere. The worst part of this may simply be how easy it is to pat myself on the back and feel so great about being "better"--in part because I blame myself when I feel bad again, in part because I wonder about others why they don't just do something to help themselves. Well, I still feel that way a bit: I sought out a therapist multiple times until I found one that fit, and I still see him today. I just wonder if it will ever end. Probably sometime I'll stop seeing him regularly, but call him if I crash and it lasts longer than a few hours/days (my low on Sunday wasn't horribly low and I started back on the upward path [knock wood] by cleaning the house, getting things in order, resolving some of the literal mess).
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Tonight I'm making truffles, a new candy adventure! The recipe is so easy. I bought (more) whisky and some Frangelico to flavor them properly. I was torn over buying Frangelico or the crap DeKuypers brand hazelnut liquer. I went with Frangelico because I believe they use actual hazelnuts at some point in the process, whereas the other claims only "natural hazelnut flavor." I'd been making caramels the past few years but I feel like I've gone as far as I can with that until I commit to expensive tools--in this case, candy trays and either fancier chocolate or some proper way to melt and pour and harden... I know it's possible, not that expensive, etc. but I'm reluctant to go there. Before I worked at Hilltop, I was very stingy with my yarn, too (but also I wasn't making as much money overall). I suspect this relates to what a guy was telling me just a few minutes ago about people who pay $1,000 for massages for their dogs and a reluctance to join the luxury class. This is pretty opposite a very interesting conversation I was reading the other day 'round these parts.
I swear I'll get more into this later but for now I have to go read some terrible news item and some other something something something.
Oh and PS: I was also considering buying Amaretto for the truffles because we used to sneak it sometimes with steamed milk at Kari's house, and there were great amaretto cordials at the candy shop in downtown Spokane...
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Tonight I'm making truffles, a new candy adventure! The recipe is so easy. I bought (more) whisky and some Frangelico to flavor them properly. I was torn over buying Frangelico or the crap DeKuypers brand hazelnut liquer. I went with Frangelico because I believe they use actual hazelnuts at some point in the process, whereas the other claims only "natural hazelnut flavor." I'd been making caramels the past few years but I feel like I've gone as far as I can with that until I commit to expensive tools--in this case, candy trays and either fancier chocolate or some proper way to melt and pour and harden... I know it's possible, not that expensive, etc. but I'm reluctant to go there. Before I worked at Hilltop, I was very stingy with my yarn, too (but also I wasn't making as much money overall). I suspect this relates to what a guy was telling me just a few minutes ago about people who pay $1,000 for massages for their dogs and a reluctance to join the luxury class. This is pretty opposite a very interesting conversation I was reading the other day 'round these parts.
I swear I'll get more into this later but for now I have to go read some terrible news item and some other something something something.
Oh and PS: I was also considering buying Amaretto for the truffles because we used to sneak it sometimes with steamed milk at Kari's house, and there were great amaretto cordials at the candy shop in downtown Spokane...