About the boy
Hi. So, it's been awhile since I posted last. Much to pass along and not quite enough time as I would like to share it all. First of all, I can say with every ounce of sincerity I possess that I miss you all MUI MUI amounts. (And I definitely just laughed at the sound of moo-ey moo-ey in my head... like an unsure cow--maybe he's moo, maybe he's not). Let that give you an idea of how my brain has been operating the past couple of weeks.
I think of you all frequently and hope you're healthy and happy. Phone calls are a luxury I unfortunately have been promising in vain. I'm sorry I haven't been able to hear your voices and know what's going on in your respective worlds. I want to be there with each of you. I cannot wait until I come back in June and get to see you. Which brings me to my next point... I'm coming back up to NH for another year. They offered me a position as a Service Leader (a chance to lead the team I was on this year for first-timers next year). This means I will be in GA for all of a month before needing to return to New England. It bums me out that I won't get to spend more time at home with everyone. At the same time, though, I'm really stoked to try to make this program even better than what it was when I first got here. I prob won't stick around after this next stint is through. But I am here for now. :)
And now onto something juicier. That guy I mentioned to you around Christmas? The friend that I realized at the time was becoming something more to me? Um. Yeah. So, big update on that one. We got closer since we both returned in January, and the tension had been building since then. Last week, we finally broke down and gave into each other. OH. MY. GOD. Sooooooooooooooooo amazing. I...just...oh. Goodness. Anyway, we both explained how we were feeling about the situation-- fear of ruining the friendship, wanting to avoid it being like a "dating relationship," keeping communication open, staying open to dating other people and not getting jealous. The biggest point of this I wanted to stress to him was the neediness and clinginess of some relationships that I just cannot deal with (phone calls and texts about how they're doing throughout the day, spending all your extra time with them). I'm not there right now, and he says he's not either. We seem to be totally on the same page, but I do have my thoughts that he may be fibbing on his okay-ness with the "staying removed" portion of it.
Earlier today, my throat was closing up. Confident that I prob caught the bug he's just getting over, I told him this in joking resentment. So he moseys over to me and puts his hands on my throat and tells me to open up so he can see inside. It was really sexy. Anyway, he checked to see if my tonsils looked swollen or if there were any white dots. He said he didn't see anything. Then he gently massaged his fingers on the back of my neck and probably would've kissed my forehead if we hadn't been at work. Sweet, right? Okay. So I can appreciate that. But then he texts and calls me later in the day to check on me. "Hey kiddo. How you feeling?" Nice that he's making sure I'm all right, but I kinda rush off the phone with him because I start to feel a little weirded out with all of the concern he's showing. I know that's dumb and that I've got issues. It's just that I'm noticing how much more attention he's paying now, and it's not seeming to be the same friend-to-friend balance. I know this shouldn't be a bad thing. It's just that if he wants more, he should go on and tell me. Otherwise, I need him to back off a little.
I'm so afraid of where this is going. I cannot imagine losing him as a friend. He is one of the people I am closest to up here-- the only one who knows how to calm me down and help me rationalize a situation when I'm stressing/freaking out. He's coming back for another year, too. So, we've got plenty of time to really screw this up. I know I should just let it ride for now, and I intend to do just that. It's simply my nature to worry. You know that. :)
So, I will leave it at that for now. Not even the tip of the iceberg, sadly. But that just means more reason to keep up with you guys more frequently. I love you all very much. Hugs galore to each of you!
I think of you all frequently and hope you're healthy and happy. Phone calls are a luxury I unfortunately have been promising in vain. I'm sorry I haven't been able to hear your voices and know what's going on in your respective worlds. I want to be there with each of you. I cannot wait until I come back in June and get to see you. Which brings me to my next point... I'm coming back up to NH for another year. They offered me a position as a Service Leader (a chance to lead the team I was on this year for first-timers next year). This means I will be in GA for all of a month before needing to return to New England. It bums me out that I won't get to spend more time at home with everyone. At the same time, though, I'm really stoked to try to make this program even better than what it was when I first got here. I prob won't stick around after this next stint is through. But I am here for now. :)
And now onto something juicier. That guy I mentioned to you around Christmas? The friend that I realized at the time was becoming something more to me? Um. Yeah. So, big update on that one. We got closer since we both returned in January, and the tension had been building since then. Last week, we finally broke down and gave into each other. OH. MY. GOD. Sooooooooooooooooo amazing. I...just...oh. Goodness. Anyway, we both explained how we were feeling about the situation-- fear of ruining the friendship, wanting to avoid it being like a "dating relationship," keeping communication open, staying open to dating other people and not getting jealous. The biggest point of this I wanted to stress to him was the neediness and clinginess of some relationships that I just cannot deal with (phone calls and texts about how they're doing throughout the day, spending all your extra time with them). I'm not there right now, and he says he's not either. We seem to be totally on the same page, but I do have my thoughts that he may be fibbing on his okay-ness with the "staying removed" portion of it.
Earlier today, my throat was closing up. Confident that I prob caught the bug he's just getting over, I told him this in joking resentment. So he moseys over to me and puts his hands on my throat and tells me to open up so he can see inside. It was really sexy. Anyway, he checked to see if my tonsils looked swollen or if there were any white dots. He said he didn't see anything. Then he gently massaged his fingers on the back of my neck and probably would've kissed my forehead if we hadn't been at work. Sweet, right? Okay. So I can appreciate that. But then he texts and calls me later in the day to check on me. "Hey kiddo. How you feeling?" Nice that he's making sure I'm all right, but I kinda rush off the phone with him because I start to feel a little weirded out with all of the concern he's showing. I know that's dumb and that I've got issues. It's just that I'm noticing how much more attention he's paying now, and it's not seeming to be the same friend-to-friend balance. I know this shouldn't be a bad thing. It's just that if he wants more, he should go on and tell me. Otherwise, I need him to back off a little.
I'm so afraid of where this is going. I cannot imagine losing him as a friend. He is one of the people I am closest to up here-- the only one who knows how to calm me down and help me rationalize a situation when I'm stressing/freaking out. He's coming back for another year, too. So, we've got plenty of time to really screw this up. I know I should just let it ride for now, and I intend to do just that. It's simply my nature to worry. You know that. :)
So, I will leave it at that for now. Not even the tip of the iceberg, sadly. But that just means more reason to keep up with you guys more frequently. I love you all very much. Hugs galore to each of you!