Whew.
As promised, I am going to tell the whole story from my point of view.
He said he wasn't feeling the same, I agreed, though I wasn't going to break up over it. I think it got to the point where it was easier for me to have him around than pushing him away, but there definitely wasn't that spark anymore. I still liked him a lot, but it wasn't like before. I thought it was only a phase, and I wanted to stick it out because he really did make me happy. It hurts to admit that because I'm trying to be strong, and I have been strong so far. I was tough yesterday, from when it happened all the way up to when I went to bed, but then I started thinking and couldn't get to sleep.
In my opinion, he didn't just break up with me because he wasn't feeling the same. He wasn't feeling the same because he was flirting with other girls, and other girls liked him. He wanted to have the freedom to flirt with them without making me jealous, the freedom to dance with other girls at Winterball. And that is such a guy thing, isn't it? But these girls are swimmers, and he's not going to see them when the season ends as much.
I'm pissed off because I thought he was such a gentleman, and that he was different from other guys. I knew that he was brought up to treat girls with respect, and I guess I figured that something this petty wouldn't be enough to end it, so I began tolerating the flirting, thinking it was harmless. Besides, I had been flirting with guys too, I wasn't completely innocent, he just did it more than I did and there was more touchy flirting going on. And that hurt too, but I didn't want to be the jealous type, so I let it slide. The thing is, it really was disrespectful to me. He shouldn't have been picking Becky up and hugging her and touching her when he knew that I was up in the stands, watching the whole thing happen. He was a real jackass at times, but I was already under the impression that that's the way he was with girls, without realizing it. It makes me angrier the more I think about it. And when I told some of my friends, they couldn't believe that he was breaking up with me for that, because they thought he was generally a good guy too.
This whole ordeal has really taught me that every single guy is a douchebag, and no guy is different from the others, it doesn't matter how much you think he is. People become so blinded by love or just intense like that they view their partner as "unique" or "not like other guys", but it's all bullshit. Every guy is hormonal and selfish, some to a larger extent than others, and that's just the way it is. Not to say I'm going to stop dating, because it is fun and worth it in the end when you think back to the good times, but I won't let myself be fooled like this again. I'm tired of becoming transfixed with one guy and tying myself down and giving myself up to whatever charm he throws my way-- it's stupid. I am no longer a stupid girl. I need to find a more realistic approach.
Also, I'm pissed off because he still thinks we're friends, and we're not. He waited after school to talk to me, but I just walked away from him. I really think he thinks that all of a sudden, I'm fine with everything, and I wasn't affected by anything yesterday. He thinks that my friends are going to still talk to him and hang out with him, but they're not, because it's awkward for them too. He wants to have the benefits of having me and my friends to hang out with occasionally and the ability to dance and flirt with whoever he wants, hook up with whoever he wants, but he CANNOT have both. I won't let him have his cake and eat it too. Basically, he's made his decision, and now he'll have to live with it.
When swimming season ends, he's going to have nobody. Maybe him and his precious Becky will still talk at lunch, but they'll have nothing to say. And I'll be so over him by this time that it won't phase me one bit.