Thoughts...
So it's almost 2am as I sit here at my eMac and type away these thoughts that have been running around in my head. I have been having trouble sleeping at night at the moment, partly because I work late and get home around Midnight and I need to let my brain slow down and catch up with the tiredness in my body before I can get to sleep. Even then, sleep has been coming slowly. Thus I have been thinking alot. I have been up late and watching Home renovation shows and the Australian Christian Channel on Foxtel. The former is one of my favourite things, and Cassie and I have been getting alot of awesome and fun ideas about renovating our own home.
The latter is something that has been playing on my mind a bit of late, and it will seem like a total religious bashing here, but I assure you these are questions and thoughts that I have been having and something that has continued to baffle me for some time.
The thing is, I have always had a distaste for organised religion from the time I was able to have free thinking thoughts on the subject. I will be honest and say that this happened at about the age of 11, maybe earlier, but I had some situations occur and some instances that gave me a distrust in the "christian" faith.
I have had many friends that have been either interested or involved with some form of Christianity in the 26 years of my life, and the one thing I have noticed about a great number of them is this:
They are always fairly manic about their faith.
This is not ALWAYS the case, but in many instances they are so full on about what they are saying, and the fact that the things I believe must be incorrect because I don't believe or follow the Word written in the Bible, or a book, or a scripture. I have always tried to follow my own thoughts, and tried to make sense of things as they come to me. Trying to understand things in my life, such as Birth and Death and disease. The possiblity of an afterlife. The things that affect me in my day to day life/routine. I have never felt the urge to belong so much that I put all my trust in the hands of somebody who has no more proof to show in a lot of things, than I do that I am a religous leader. After all, in alot of cases, they are just people with big voices, fancy moves and a mic in their hand.
That's me all over...
The thing I am trying to get at here, is that some many times I have had the word of God rammed down my throat and thrust into my line of vision, that it makes me wonder why somebody would try so hard to get me to follow along in a group train of thought, and why my own, non-preconcieved, ideas must be wrong...?
Watching a series of shows on the ACC, has made me ponder this alot more as of late. A good friend of mine, who used to call himself an Athiest, told me he had changed his religious ststus to Agnostic. Simply because, he said to me, if somebody coupld prove to him the exsistence of God and the word of the Lord, then he would believe it.
In many ways, I agree with this. Let it not be said that I am always right. Infact, I am very often wrong, and shown to be wrong, but at the same time, I do my best to take that on as constructive criticism, so I don't really see the harm in approaching this in the same way. I do however have a bit of a problem with the people who run these church groups, and in some cases the churches themselves, and the use of wording they use. It is almost like they are trying to trick you into believing that you are wrong.
Using phrases such as: "I am here tonight to help you hear and witness the truth that jesus, out lord has written for us to follow. It has been written that I would be here in front of you to share my gift with you all. To make you see the truth behind what has been prophesised in scripture and in writing for the lord, Jesus Christ, to have shown you the way to salvation. It is not enough to be saved, but you must be saved and take on a new spirit, to show the lord that you want to stand up and have your name in lights, to make a difference for the lord, so that the lord may see that you love him."
I have paraphrased here, maybe greatly in spots, and in some way I may have missed the point, but I truly think that this is something that is being forced to me when I see it delivered in such a way.
My parents raised me to follow basic "Christian" morals. Be good to people and they will be good to you. Don't hurt people. Don't kill people. Don't steal. etc... And I think I do ok most of the time (like all people I have my faults and I am constantly working to improve myself and the way I treat others), and my kids will be raised the same way. But to me that is basic common sense. Maybe the ideals came from somewhere else, but they have been crafted into our basic lives all the more by just how shit alot of people can be. I really don't need someone telling me how bad I am because I won't leat the Lord into my heart so that I may be saved. In my writing, whether it me lyrics, stories or what have you, I have always tried to provoke and promote free thought, discussion, and in some cases debate, but I have tried to talk to some people about religion, and the debate side there seems to be lost.
A friend of mine once said to me that the time that Her Nightmare came out on stage at Crafterfest and burnt the Bible was one of the greatses moments in local hardcore, because at that moment you were almost forced to choose what you thought about the situation. People walked out in disgust, and I can understand that, and I do see why they would have chosen that, but alot of people stood there in awe and watched Baina hold a lit Bible in his hand and that was how he decided to show what his thoughts and beliefs were. Much in the same way alot of religious people choose to show their faith by wearing particualr clothing, speaking openly on the subject of their faith, or by trying to introduce people to the word of the Lord. I see that he was expressing himself in a way that may not have been the ideal of the whole band, but it definately put people right into how he felt on the subject. There may have been some shock value to it, but then there is ALOT of shock value present in preaching.
So many times as a young child I went to a church group and was made to feel almost as an outcast of the group if I did not include myself in prayer and readings, and now I feel cheated out of what was my opinion. We went on outings and I met alot of other people who enjoyed doing fucked up things outside of the "Bible Group", but while in Adam's house, we were made to feel inferior because we did not have a strong belief in God/Jesus/The Lord. This cemented home the feelings that I still carry woth me today.
This is not meant to be a dig at anyone, or at anyones religous beliefs, because I would like to think that there is an afterlife. And I must admit that I find the fun side in the shock value of seemingly anti-religous behaviour. Hell, my band uses inverted crosses in most artwork we do, but for me to believe that there is a Devil, or Hell, then I must believe in the Lord Himself. And to be blunt, I really don't. The people who try to get me to change my ideas on the TV/Radio/In real life don't have that effect on me. I am going to spand the rest of my life trying to make my Soon to be wife happy, raising a heatlhy family, playing some punk rock/hardcore/metal shows, putting out a few more records with the bloods, working on my label and hanging with my family and friends and dogs, drinking girly drinks in the spa with manly and bearded dudes, smoking weed again one day and just living, my life until I die. I love my life. I love my friends. I love my Family and I love my beautiful home that houses my beautiful dogs and soon to be wife. These are the things i believe in. That and Johnny Cash.
I guess alot of this has been a bit of a ramble, but then, it is my livejournal, these are the thoughts I have had run through my head alot the last few days/couple of weeks, and maybe with them out of my head, I can get a good nights sleep...
Craig "Craigos" Wainwright.
08/09/06
The latter is something that has been playing on my mind a bit of late, and it will seem like a total religious bashing here, but I assure you these are questions and thoughts that I have been having and something that has continued to baffle me for some time.
The thing is, I have always had a distaste for organised religion from the time I was able to have free thinking thoughts on the subject. I will be honest and say that this happened at about the age of 11, maybe earlier, but I had some situations occur and some instances that gave me a distrust in the "christian" faith.
I have had many friends that have been either interested or involved with some form of Christianity in the 26 years of my life, and the one thing I have noticed about a great number of them is this:
They are always fairly manic about their faith.
This is not ALWAYS the case, but in many instances they are so full on about what they are saying, and the fact that the things I believe must be incorrect because I don't believe or follow the Word written in the Bible, or a book, or a scripture. I have always tried to follow my own thoughts, and tried to make sense of things as they come to me. Trying to understand things in my life, such as Birth and Death and disease. The possiblity of an afterlife. The things that affect me in my day to day life/routine. I have never felt the urge to belong so much that I put all my trust in the hands of somebody who has no more proof to show in a lot of things, than I do that I am a religous leader. After all, in alot of cases, they are just people with big voices, fancy moves and a mic in their hand.
That's me all over...
The thing I am trying to get at here, is that some many times I have had the word of God rammed down my throat and thrust into my line of vision, that it makes me wonder why somebody would try so hard to get me to follow along in a group train of thought, and why my own, non-preconcieved, ideas must be wrong...?
Watching a series of shows on the ACC, has made me ponder this alot more as of late. A good friend of mine, who used to call himself an Athiest, told me he had changed his religious ststus to Agnostic. Simply because, he said to me, if somebody coupld prove to him the exsistence of God and the word of the Lord, then he would believe it.
In many ways, I agree with this. Let it not be said that I am always right. Infact, I am very often wrong, and shown to be wrong, but at the same time, I do my best to take that on as constructive criticism, so I don't really see the harm in approaching this in the same way. I do however have a bit of a problem with the people who run these church groups, and in some cases the churches themselves, and the use of wording they use. It is almost like they are trying to trick you into believing that you are wrong.
Using phrases such as: "I am here tonight to help you hear and witness the truth that jesus, out lord has written for us to follow. It has been written that I would be here in front of you to share my gift with you all. To make you see the truth behind what has been prophesised in scripture and in writing for the lord, Jesus Christ, to have shown you the way to salvation. It is not enough to be saved, but you must be saved and take on a new spirit, to show the lord that you want to stand up and have your name in lights, to make a difference for the lord, so that the lord may see that you love him."
I have paraphrased here, maybe greatly in spots, and in some way I may have missed the point, but I truly think that this is something that is being forced to me when I see it delivered in such a way.
My parents raised me to follow basic "Christian" morals. Be good to people and they will be good to you. Don't hurt people. Don't kill people. Don't steal. etc... And I think I do ok most of the time (like all people I have my faults and I am constantly working to improve myself and the way I treat others), and my kids will be raised the same way. But to me that is basic common sense. Maybe the ideals came from somewhere else, but they have been crafted into our basic lives all the more by just how shit alot of people can be. I really don't need someone telling me how bad I am because I won't leat the Lord into my heart so that I may be saved. In my writing, whether it me lyrics, stories or what have you, I have always tried to provoke and promote free thought, discussion, and in some cases debate, but I have tried to talk to some people about religion, and the debate side there seems to be lost.
A friend of mine once said to me that the time that Her Nightmare came out on stage at Crafterfest and burnt the Bible was one of the greatses moments in local hardcore, because at that moment you were almost forced to choose what you thought about the situation. People walked out in disgust, and I can understand that, and I do see why they would have chosen that, but alot of people stood there in awe and watched Baina hold a lit Bible in his hand and that was how he decided to show what his thoughts and beliefs were. Much in the same way alot of religious people choose to show their faith by wearing particualr clothing, speaking openly on the subject of their faith, or by trying to introduce people to the word of the Lord. I see that he was expressing himself in a way that may not have been the ideal of the whole band, but it definately put people right into how he felt on the subject. There may have been some shock value to it, but then there is ALOT of shock value present in preaching.
So many times as a young child I went to a church group and was made to feel almost as an outcast of the group if I did not include myself in prayer and readings, and now I feel cheated out of what was my opinion. We went on outings and I met alot of other people who enjoyed doing fucked up things outside of the "Bible Group", but while in Adam's house, we were made to feel inferior because we did not have a strong belief in God/Jesus/The Lord. This cemented home the feelings that I still carry woth me today.
This is not meant to be a dig at anyone, or at anyones religous beliefs, because I would like to think that there is an afterlife. And I must admit that I find the fun side in the shock value of seemingly anti-religous behaviour. Hell, my band uses inverted crosses in most artwork we do, but for me to believe that there is a Devil, or Hell, then I must believe in the Lord Himself. And to be blunt, I really don't. The people who try to get me to change my ideas on the TV/Radio/In real life don't have that effect on me. I am going to spand the rest of my life trying to make my Soon to be wife happy, raising a heatlhy family, playing some punk rock/hardcore/metal shows, putting out a few more records with the bloods, working on my label and hanging with my family and friends and dogs, drinking girly drinks in the spa with manly and bearded dudes, smoking weed again one day and just living, my life until I die. I love my life. I love my friends. I love my Family and I love my beautiful home that houses my beautiful dogs and soon to be wife. These are the things i believe in. That and Johnny Cash.
I guess alot of this has been a bit of a ramble, but then, it is my livejournal, these are the thoughts I have had run through my head alot the last few days/couple of weeks, and maybe with them out of my head, I can get a good nights sleep...
Craig "Craigos" Wainwright.
08/09/06