She's a SuperFreak SuperFreak She's Super Freaking Out YOW
I'm dating someone.
I like him.
Things are going slow, which is good.
Things external to us derailed thigngs a few times (Darby, the man I was with for six years, said he "wasnt' ready" to see me when I was in CA two weeks ago for a conference and that threw me into closure, and this guy's ex, a girl he was ready to marry over a year ago but he broke up with because he didnt' want to come in fourth after her career, family and friends, came back into town and hit him up with a bunch of yucchy "closure" as well).
So finally we're in sort of the same space and we're hanging out and having fun. What do I do? start picking on stuff that isn't there because I am scared of getting close to someone (even if things aren't at all serious yet, he's someone I could like so the fear is there). He moved me into my new apartment this weekend, and even told me he "enjoyed himself alot" moving me (how often do you hear that?) but even though that was a really nice thing to do I found something to pick on him about anyway. He called me on it, said he "felt underappreciated" (and rightly so!). I was going to take him out for brunch afterwards but it took longer than we thought so we didn't have time.
I have been freaking out about finding a place to live for the last month - only finding one at the last minute on Friday. i had to move out of the place I was in - new roommate was coming in. it's not an excuse, but it's an explanation for not having a good emotional buffer (that I have started to develop,yay!)
as a sorry and a thank you, I am going to give him some fancy gourmet chocolate bars. and i'm going to include a pretty card and an apology in it. Something like, "You got so excited when i gave you the dark chocolate raisins the other day, so I thought this would be a nice way to say THANK YOU for moving me on Sunday. And also to apologize for my behavior lately - i picked on you undeservedly, and I don't want to push away something that is good and fun. I hope you can accept my apology and i hope you REELY like chocolate." Charlene
I'm really getting sick of this flailing. of myself. But at least the time between when I get scared and when I realize I'm behaving from fear are getting shorter. Actually, this time I even felt myself on the phone with him, thinking, "hang up Charlene, you are fried and in a mood and you are going to say something out of stress and fear that you shouldn't." but I said it anyway.
So, whatever happens happens. At least I'm looking it as a learnign experience and not an opportunity for crucifixion (line to the left, one cross each).
I like him.
Things are going slow, which is good.
Things external to us derailed thigngs a few times (Darby, the man I was with for six years, said he "wasnt' ready" to see me when I was in CA two weeks ago for a conference and that threw me into closure, and this guy's ex, a girl he was ready to marry over a year ago but he broke up with because he didnt' want to come in fourth after her career, family and friends, came back into town and hit him up with a bunch of yucchy "closure" as well).
So finally we're in sort of the same space and we're hanging out and having fun. What do I do? start picking on stuff that isn't there because I am scared of getting close to someone (even if things aren't at all serious yet, he's someone I could like so the fear is there). He moved me into my new apartment this weekend, and even told me he "enjoyed himself alot" moving me (how often do you hear that?) but even though that was a really nice thing to do I found something to pick on him about anyway. He called me on it, said he "felt underappreciated" (and rightly so!). I was going to take him out for brunch afterwards but it took longer than we thought so we didn't have time.
I have been freaking out about finding a place to live for the last month - only finding one at the last minute on Friday. i had to move out of the place I was in - new roommate was coming in. it's not an excuse, but it's an explanation for not having a good emotional buffer (that I have started to develop,yay!)
as a sorry and a thank you, I am going to give him some fancy gourmet chocolate bars. and i'm going to include a pretty card and an apology in it. Something like, "You got so excited when i gave you the dark chocolate raisins the other day, so I thought this would be a nice way to say THANK YOU for moving me on Sunday. And also to apologize for my behavior lately - i picked on you undeservedly, and I don't want to push away something that is good and fun. I hope you can accept my apology and i hope you REELY like chocolate." Charlene
I'm really getting sick of this flailing. of myself. But at least the time between when I get scared and when I realize I'm behaving from fear are getting shorter. Actually, this time I even felt myself on the phone with him, thinking, "hang up Charlene, you are fried and in a mood and you are going to say something out of stress and fear that you shouldn't." but I said it anyway.
So, whatever happens happens. At least I'm looking it as a learnign experience and not an opportunity for crucifixion (line to the left, one cross each).