Week 5 / Redemption: Callie's Better Mousetrap
4/16/14: For those who have never read this entry before - I have since admitted who I actually am and what I was trying to do with the initial character of Callie. The below entry was written in several stages "as Callie," all of it written before I'd predictably blown my own cover while answering comments here under the wrong account. You can probably just skip it and the mountains of subsequent commentary unless you like a little fake drama-- especially when it's clear that no one is totally sure that the drama in question is fake.
So far this season I've mostly told a few dumb little stories about myself. But I was informed by one person that I should have been more careful with last week's prompt. I don't know if this is why I am here in the redemption circle or whatever, and even though I emailed Gary about it I'm still confused about all of that. I just know I barely survived at all in the voting. Maybe everybody was thinking that I should have written something "deeper" for that last prompt, but nobody would tell me.
Well, actually, crochet_all_day told me that she felt that way. I have really liked her writing all season so far and have told her so. I even went out of my way to recommend her post in a dedicated special post I made to name a few of my favorite underdogs last week.
So when she came to thank me for that and read MY entries, then told me I should have written something else on a prompt that took a LONG time and LOT of thinking to answer... I won't lie, it hurt my feelings. What she wrote in the comments on my Week 4 entry ( http://crafty-callie.livejournal.com/1788.html?thread=24572#t24572 ) made me feel like I was a useless idiot with nothing interesting to say. But I guess if she was thinking the same thing everyone else was, I do owe it to her for at least being honest with me.
I am very surprised to see crochet_all_day almost got voted out of LJI last week too and is right here with me trying to be redeemed back into Idol. Her entry was very poweful and, unlike mine, totally in tune with the spirit of MLK's quote. It was a well-written, moving and thought-provoking entry about people, about society, about injustice. Mine was just about myself.
I did not last very long the last time I tried out in Idol. Now it looks like I might not last very long again, and I probably won't have another opportunity. I have had so much fun just these first few weeks, even though I am still trying to find more time to be a real part of the community.
Comments like the ones crochet_all_day left me will make me a better writer even if they DO hurt a little sometimes. It makes me sad to think that I might miss out on all of this fun and opportunity for personal betterment after this week. So even though this week's quote isn't from a major historical civil rights leader, I'm going to take THIS prompt more seriously, as a cue to make everyone here a promise. I probably do need to "build a better mousetrap" with my entries (should that be "vote-trap"?).
If I make it through this round, I am going to step up my game. I'll strive to be a more interesting read for everyone. I'll think longer and harder about my entries. I'll spend much more time writing, crafting, and editing them. (I think I've already spent more time mulling over my wording on this little manifesto than I spent putting together my last two entries combined!)
And I will definitely be looking for feedback from all of you. That starts now. I want your honest feedback. Even... no, ESPECIALLY from crochet_all_day, whose writing and thoughts I still admire very much.
I will do my very best to learn from all the wonderful writers in this thing. I want to get to know you better and make some new friends. I want to walk away from this last season of LJI knowing I am a better writer for it. And I'll put my time in to make all of that happen as best as I can.
And please understand, I'm not saying all this to try and guilt anyone into voting for me, either. I just wanted to say all this for myself, and also to say "I'm sorry" if you've ever been offended or bored with one of my silly entries so far this season. I know I can do better, and if I get the chance I will definitely try.
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I wrote all of that last night and posed it this morning and since theni have had a few drinks this afternoon and I went to also took a look at ""DEb's" entry. I dont know what I did to "Deb" but she is STILL taking jabs at me in her entry for getting "easliy offended" or whatever and I just can't BELIEVE this. I look around and EVERYONE eis getting support for what they're writing and I don't thikn what I've done is THAT bad so far. I really REALLY can't believe that "Sgt Deb" has taken ME who has given her nothing but praise and goes SHIT ALL OVER ME LIKE THIS>. I guess I should be thankful that she didn't make it as obvious as she could have, I would be SO embarrassed and hurt. Are you ALL laughing at me behind my bakc??? back
I am just a woman writing and I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG TO YOU PEOPLE. FUCK YOU for hating on me. FUCK YOU for not letting me be part of your little community AGAIN. I am a GOOD PERSON and a GOOD WRITER and i'm NOT that boring or whatever it is you think is wrong wth me that you have to go and kick me out RIGHAWAY before I can show you............ most of all FUCK YOU DEB, your shit DOES IN FACT STINK and im not just talking about your pieces because I ake everything back, i am talking about YOUR SHIT. You are an OLD WOMAN who has nothing better to do than to beat up on your husband and your kids and then beat up on ME when no one in your house is left to beat up on. I bet JUST LIKE ME all they did to get shit on like this was SHOW YOU LOVE. SO FUCKKKKKKK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU DEBBBBBBBBBBB 1000000000000000x
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It is Wednesday and it has come to my attention that DEB is using SEVERAL accounts with different names to try and insult me in public in the commnts below and make everyone else think that I am crazy. I can't take back everything I said above so I just crossed it out. But I want everyone in LJI who is NOT Deb to know that I really didn't mean it, I was very upset and drunk. I am really sorry for saying those things to you as a community. I really do want to be friends with everyone and I really am a good person and I will try SO MUCH HARDER for however long I keep on here.
The other thing Deb is doing with all these fake accounts like porn-something and lrig-something is that she is purposely fixing the vote. She is voting for herself with all of these fake accounts and not voting for me to try and humiliate me even more. Please HELP ME. If you vote for me this week you can STOP DEB, I guarantee that I will not be the last person she does this to, she obviously has a LOT of free time to pick on other contestants. I wasn't begging before but I am begging now. PLEASE VOTE FOR ME. Thank you.
I have tried to make it clear who are the fake Debs below. Don't fall for Deb's tricks!
So far this season I've mostly told a few dumb little stories about myself. But I was informed by one person that I should have been more careful with last week's prompt. I don't know if this is why I am here in the redemption circle or whatever, and even though I emailed Gary about it I'm still confused about all of that. I just know I barely survived at all in the voting. Maybe everybody was thinking that I should have written something "deeper" for that last prompt, but nobody would tell me.
Well, actually, crochet_all_day told me that she felt that way. I have really liked her writing all season so far and have told her so. I even went out of my way to recommend her post in a dedicated special post I made to name a few of my favorite underdogs last week.
So when she came to thank me for that and read MY entries, then told me I should have written something else on a prompt that took a LONG time and LOT of thinking to answer... I won't lie, it hurt my feelings. What she wrote in the comments on my Week 4 entry ( http://crafty-callie.livejournal.com/1788.html?thread=24572#t24572 ) made me feel like I was a useless idiot with nothing interesting to say. But I guess if she was thinking the same thing everyone else was, I do owe it to her for at least being honest with me.
I am very surprised to see crochet_all_day almost got voted out of LJI last week too and is right here with me trying to be redeemed back into Idol. Her entry was very poweful and, unlike mine, totally in tune with the spirit of MLK's quote. It was a well-written, moving and thought-provoking entry about people, about society, about injustice. Mine was just about myself.
I did not last very long the last time I tried out in Idol. Now it looks like I might not last very long again, and I probably won't have another opportunity. I have had so much fun just these first few weeks, even though I am still trying to find more time to be a real part of the community.
Comments like the ones crochet_all_day left me will make me a better writer even if they DO hurt a little sometimes. It makes me sad to think that I might miss out on all of this fun and opportunity for personal betterment after this week. So even though this week's quote isn't from a major historical civil rights leader, I'm going to take THIS prompt more seriously, as a cue to make everyone here a promise. I probably do need to "build a better mousetrap" with my entries (should that be "vote-trap"?).
If I make it through this round, I am going to step up my game. I'll strive to be a more interesting read for everyone. I'll think longer and harder about my entries. I'll spend much more time writing, crafting, and editing them. (I think I've already spent more time mulling over my wording on this little manifesto than I spent putting together my last two entries combined!)
And I will definitely be looking for feedback from all of you. That starts now. I want your honest feedback. Even... no, ESPECIALLY from crochet_all_day, whose writing and thoughts I still admire very much.
I will do my very best to learn from all the wonderful writers in this thing. I want to get to know you better and make some new friends. I want to walk away from this last season of LJI knowing I am a better writer for it. And I'll put my time in to make all of that happen as best as I can.
And please understand, I'm not saying all this to try and guilt anyone into voting for me, either. I just wanted to say all this for myself, and also to say "I'm sorry" if you've ever been offended or bored with one of my silly entries so far this season. I know I can do better, and if I get the chance I will definitely try.
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I wrote all of that last night and posed it this morning and since theni have had a few drinks this afternoon and I went to also took a look at ""DEb's" entry. I dont know what I did to "Deb" but she is STILL taking jabs at me in her entry for getting "easliy offended" or whatever and I just can't BELIEVE this. I look around and EVERYONE eis getting support for what they're writing and I don't thikn what I've done is THAT bad so far. I really REALLY can't believe that "Sgt Deb" has taken ME who has given her nothing but praise and goes SHIT ALL OVER ME LIKE THIS>. I guess I should be thankful that she didn't make it as obvious as she could have, I would be SO embarrassed and hurt. Are you ALL laughing at me behind my bakc??? back
I am just a woman writing and I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG TO YOU PEOPLE. FUCK YOU for hating on me. FUCK YOU for not letting me be part of your little community AGAIN. I am a GOOD PERSON and a GOOD WRITER and i'm NOT that boring or whatever it is you think is wrong wth me that you have to go and kick me out RIGHAWAY before I can show you............ most of all FUCK YOU DEB, your shit DOES IN FACT STINK and im not just talking about your pieces because I ake everything back, i am talking about YOUR SHIT. You are an OLD WOMAN who has nothing better to do than to beat up on your husband and your kids and then beat up on ME when no one in your house is left to beat up on. I bet JUST LIKE ME all they did to get shit on like this was SHOW YOU LOVE. SO FUCKKKKKKK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU DEBBBBBBBBBBB 1000000000000000x
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It is Wednesday and it has come to my attention that DEB is using SEVERAL accounts with different names to try and insult me in public in the commnts below and make everyone else think that I am crazy. I can't take back everything I said above so I just crossed it out. But I want everyone in LJI who is NOT Deb to know that I really didn't mean it, I was very upset and drunk. I am really sorry for saying those things to you as a community. I really do want to be friends with everyone and I really am a good person and I will try SO MUCH HARDER for however long I keep on here.
The other thing Deb is doing with all these fake accounts like porn-something and lrig-something is that she is purposely fixing the vote. She is voting for herself with all of these fake accounts and not voting for me to try and humiliate me even more. Please HELP ME. If you vote for me this week you can STOP DEB, I guarantee that I will not be the last person she does this to, she obviously has a LOT of free time to pick on other contestants. I wasn't begging before but I am begging now. PLEASE VOTE FOR ME. Thank you.
I have tried to make it clear who are the fake Debs below. Don't fall for Deb's tricks!