nothing seems appropriate right now
i came home yesterday from seattle; i guess one could say that i'm getting used to these trips. and the smell of the hospital. they keep hospitals so clean you can't smell the world that is going on inside them. it's like they have to keep us from smelling the cycle of life, like that would make it all just a bit too real. i know it is to have everything clean and safe, but the sterility of it all bothers me sometimes.
Sailor's condition hasn't changed much. it is nice to see her without all of those tubes in her mouth (she now has a trach tube), and her swelling has decreased dramatically, so she looks more like herself now. She was sleeping the times that i went to see her, but she is starting to focus her eyes a little bit from what Piper has said. i guess it is all about baby steps. supposedly, the majority of her recovery will happen within the first six months, and then it will be another year and a half of slower recovery before they can really say anything about her long-term condition. i just keep hoping every day that things will change for her.
Being there for Piper made me feel somewhat useful. he is trying hard to stay strong, and i honestly don't know how he is managing. he is starting to really process this it seems, which is good for him, but i know that he also feels very alone. and he is also having to deal with some messed up stuff coming from sailor's mom, which right now is just completely unnecessary. i love him so much.
i had another little break down last night upon my return home. life just seems like too much right now, and i go through most of my days feeling fairly numb. i'm trying my best to simplify things in my life right now, but that's not always easy. i am learning that i just have to live my life, and get through each day the best way that i can, and not worry so much about other people's feelings. i'm learning how truly precious life really is.
Sailor's condition hasn't changed much. it is nice to see her without all of those tubes in her mouth (she now has a trach tube), and her swelling has decreased dramatically, so she looks more like herself now. She was sleeping the times that i went to see her, but she is starting to focus her eyes a little bit from what Piper has said. i guess it is all about baby steps. supposedly, the majority of her recovery will happen within the first six months, and then it will be another year and a half of slower recovery before they can really say anything about her long-term condition. i just keep hoping every day that things will change for her.
Being there for Piper made me feel somewhat useful. he is trying hard to stay strong, and i honestly don't know how he is managing. he is starting to really process this it seems, which is good for him, but i know that he also feels very alone. and he is also having to deal with some messed up stuff coming from sailor's mom, which right now is just completely unnecessary. i love him so much.
i had another little break down last night upon my return home. life just seems like too much right now, and i go through most of my days feeling fairly numb. i'm trying my best to simplify things in my life right now, but that's not always easy. i am learning that i just have to live my life, and get through each day the best way that i can, and not worry so much about other people's feelings. i'm learning how truly precious life really is.