HOW LONG?
the truth is, hannah,
i get really jealous.
i feel like i'm the only person who knows everything about you. but i don't. i mean, i know imusicast hannah and i know meth addict hannah, but i don't know the current hannah nearly as well as other people. like alexa, daniel, and katrina. and it makes me angry that i don't know you like they do. not angry at you or myself even...well maybe a little bit mad at myself because i don't have the capacity to try and adapt to the changes we've both made to ourselves. it's like, instead of being happy for you when someone else makes you happy, i can't help but say to myself "i've known her way longer than you". it's a territorial thing. it's really stupid. and then i go and blab to you about these OTHER people i've been hanging out with and having fun with to make myself feel like i don't miss you. i realized tonight though, that yeah, i fucking miss hannah with sweaty, stinking, teeth-grinding passion. i'm not sure what the problem is, but i know i don't want to be part of it. i guess i feel fake. i feel like you think i'm fake because i feel like i'm fake. but i don't think i am actually fake, i think i'm just different. you're not fake. you still have the same hannah aura as you did at 15. most of the time. and that's why i still fucking love you. i hope you don't think i've changed so much that i'm a different person now.
i get really jealous.
i feel like i'm the only person who knows everything about you. but i don't. i mean, i know imusicast hannah and i know meth addict hannah, but i don't know the current hannah nearly as well as other people. like alexa, daniel, and katrina. and it makes me angry that i don't know you like they do. not angry at you or myself even...well maybe a little bit mad at myself because i don't have the capacity to try and adapt to the changes we've both made to ourselves. it's like, instead of being happy for you when someone else makes you happy, i can't help but say to myself "i've known her way longer than you". it's a territorial thing. it's really stupid. and then i go and blab to you about these OTHER people i've been hanging out with and having fun with to make myself feel like i don't miss you. i realized tonight though, that yeah, i fucking miss hannah with sweaty, stinking, teeth-grinding passion. i'm not sure what the problem is, but i know i don't want to be part of it. i guess i feel fake. i feel like you think i'm fake because i feel like i'm fake. but i don't think i am actually fake, i think i'm just different. you're not fake. you still have the same hannah aura as you did at 15. most of the time. and that's why i still fucking love you. i hope you don't think i've changed so much that i'm a different person now.