(no subject)
So here i am again, stuck in a traffic jam on the information super highway, expressing deep emotions in a format that can be easily viewed by the public masses and all the while not really caring. such is the case all too often, just not caring. I am entirely sick of my house and i am not in the least bit afraid or ashamed to tell my parents of the deep hate i now feel towards them as people. Their in depth hipocracy is blatent and disgusting and i am all too afraid to live in the manner or my parents. I hope when i have my children that i dont neglect their feelings and views on life the way mine have.
I feel really sad and alone out here and its a repetitive cycle. I thought i was finally okay after everything that happened, and Brianna is a huge deal in my life and she makes me happier then ever but i want to be with her so bad and her needing me has added so much stress to be the perfect person for her and i just feel like im not that person, like shes expecting more and more from me. Its not something shes said to me, just something ive sort of been afraid of i guess. I tend to take my fears to an obsession and believe that they are true when its probably not but no less, wether youre just paranoid or not, it still is scary. I think back to the times in the car and hotel with her and i cant help but think it was the most magnificent time of my life, it truly felt like we were the only two people in the entire universe and nobody else mattered at all. There was only me and her and it was as if we existed solely for one another.
I guess more then anything i just have really realized how fucking much i need her in my life and i will definately do anything i have to to be with her. I have to be with her at all costs.
I feel really sad and alone out here and its a repetitive cycle. I thought i was finally okay after everything that happened, and Brianna is a huge deal in my life and she makes me happier then ever but i want to be with her so bad and her needing me has added so much stress to be the perfect person for her and i just feel like im not that person, like shes expecting more and more from me. Its not something shes said to me, just something ive sort of been afraid of i guess. I tend to take my fears to an obsession and believe that they are true when its probably not but no less, wether youre just paranoid or not, it still is scary. I think back to the times in the car and hotel with her and i cant help but think it was the most magnificent time of my life, it truly felt like we were the only two people in the entire universe and nobody else mattered at all. There was only me and her and it was as if we existed solely for one another.
I guess more then anything i just have really realized how fucking much i need her in my life and i will definately do anything i have to to be with her. I have to be with her at all costs.