"call every girl we ever met maria" by irnan (G)
Fandom: The Avengers (movieverse)
Pairing: Tony Stark/Pepper Potts, aka Pepperony, aka best ship name ever
Length: ~2700 words
Author on LJ: irnan
Author Website: AO3
Why this must be read: Tony and Pepper, self-proclaimed Worst Potential Parents Ever, are expecting. Things turn out better than you'd think, especially given the adorableness quotient herein.
Rhodey laughed down the rickety phone line for ten minutes straight.
"You're telling me," he said, gleeful, "you're telling me that you've been shot, stabbed, sewn up, been riddled with shrapnel, had a magnet implanted in your chest, spent two years poisoning yourself with palladium, spent twenty years as a functioning alcoholic and had a vasectomy and you still managed to knock Pepper up?"
"Keep your voice down," said Tony cheerfully. "I don't need your gossiping squadmates selling this to the tabloids before we've had the first doctor's appointment."
Rhodey's gossiping squadmates sold it to the tabloids after the first doctor's appointment.
*********
"Ugh, not seriously," said Natasha.
"It's a good thing this place is already soundproofed," said Clint.
"You have to promise me that you won't buy out every toy store in New York," said Bruce. "I want to get her something too."
"My sincerest congratulations," said Thor. "A child is ever cause for great rejoicing."
"Tony, you look like you've just been given the worst news of your life," said Steve. "Stop acting so terrified. Nothing is going to go wrong."
*********
"Is there an objection bit, like in the movies?" Rhodey asked the registrar. "I totally feel like I ought to object. They're idiots."
"Idiots have a right to get married in New York same as everyone else, Colonel," said the registrar, blandly unimpressed. Rhodey got the feeling she didn't like him much.
"There's a comment here about civil rights and gay marriage, but I feel like I'm on shaky enough ground as it is," he said.
"You're obviously a far smarter man than you look, sir," said the registrar.
*********
When the calendar invite pinged across his screen Tony stared at it for a good ten minutes before he picked the phone up and rang Pepper, three floors above him.
"Are you psychic?" he asked. "Can you narrow down contractions and stuff to a second? Are you having mystical mom-knowledge about when she's coming, is she kicking you in Morse code or something?"
"No, Tony, I'm just having a Caesarean."
"Ah," said Tony. "That makes a lot more sense."
"If someone decides to try ending the world on that particular day I trust you will not freak out about it, level New York City and/or burst into the hospital room in the Iron Man armour," said Pepper.
"Why would I level New York?" Tony demanded. "The clinic's in New York. Why would I do that? I might take a swipe at Chicago, I never liked Chicago -"
Pepper hung up.
*********
"No christenings," said Pepper flatly.
"Well, OK, but I was going to say we ought to get Thor to do it," said Tony.
call every girl we ever met maria
Pairing: Tony Stark/Pepper Potts, aka Pepperony, aka best ship name ever
Length: ~2700 words
Author on LJ: irnan
Author Website: AO3
Why this must be read: Tony and Pepper, self-proclaimed Worst Potential Parents Ever, are expecting. Things turn out better than you'd think, especially given the adorableness quotient herein.
Rhodey laughed down the rickety phone line for ten minutes straight.
"You're telling me," he said, gleeful, "you're telling me that you've been shot, stabbed, sewn up, been riddled with shrapnel, had a magnet implanted in your chest, spent two years poisoning yourself with palladium, spent twenty years as a functioning alcoholic and had a vasectomy and you still managed to knock Pepper up?"
"Keep your voice down," said Tony cheerfully. "I don't need your gossiping squadmates selling this to the tabloids before we've had the first doctor's appointment."
Rhodey's gossiping squadmates sold it to the tabloids after the first doctor's appointment.
*********
"Ugh, not seriously," said Natasha.
"It's a good thing this place is already soundproofed," said Clint.
"You have to promise me that you won't buy out every toy store in New York," said Bruce. "I want to get her something too."
"My sincerest congratulations," said Thor. "A child is ever cause for great rejoicing."
"Tony, you look like you've just been given the worst news of your life," said Steve. "Stop acting so terrified. Nothing is going to go wrong."
*********
"Is there an objection bit, like in the movies?" Rhodey asked the registrar. "I totally feel like I ought to object. They're idiots."
"Idiots have a right to get married in New York same as everyone else, Colonel," said the registrar, blandly unimpressed. Rhodey got the feeling she didn't like him much.
"There's a comment here about civil rights and gay marriage, but I feel like I'm on shaky enough ground as it is," he said.
"You're obviously a far smarter man than you look, sir," said the registrar.
*********
When the calendar invite pinged across his screen Tony stared at it for a good ten minutes before he picked the phone up and rang Pepper, three floors above him.
"Are you psychic?" he asked. "Can you narrow down contractions and stuff to a second? Are you having mystical mom-knowledge about when she's coming, is she kicking you in Morse code or something?"
"No, Tony, I'm just having a Caesarean."
"Ah," said Tony. "That makes a lot more sense."
"If someone decides to try ending the world on that particular day I trust you will not freak out about it, level New York City and/or burst into the hospital room in the Iron Man armour," said Pepper.
"Why would I level New York?" Tony demanded. "The clinic's in New York. Why would I do that? I might take a swipe at Chicago, I never liked Chicago -"
Pepper hung up.
*********
"No christenings," said Pepper flatly.
"Well, OK, but I was going to say we ought to get Thor to do it," said Tony.
call every girl we ever met maria