Buffy the Vampire Slayer / RPF (explicit)
Title: Beyoncé the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Beyoncé Knowles/Jay-Z
Length: 38K+
Author on LJ: impertinence
Author Website: AO3 archive
Why this must be read: Beyoncé and her Watcher Kanye go to Jay-Z's mansion to retrieve Rihanna, who's just been called as a Slayer. It ends up being slightly more complicated than anticipated.
Now, I know next to nothing about rap/hip-hop/R&B. I know next to nothing about these four artists in particular, although I'm aware of their respective hit songs and Kanye West's Twitter feed. And I definitely don't read RPF fic. It squicks me. But this one is 100% worth making an exception for.
The premise: Beyoncé is a Slayer. Kanye West is her Watcher. Newly-called Rihanna is mogul Jay-Z's ward. Hijinks ensue.
Worth reading just for Watcher!Kanye, but Slayer!Beyoncé is also a pretty great creation, a totally competent badass who knows herself and her responsibilities. The romance between her and Jay-Z is slowly and carefully spun out, and while this fic is certainly hot, there's also a perfectly good demon-to-defeat plot that could stand alone without the romance--or in a more traditional Buffyverse fic, even. There's also a cameo by Buffy Summers herself and some awesomecakes fanart to boot.
Beyoncé didn't think her style counted as strict, but the Council had been a little kiss-ass since she'd threatened to personally punch holes in the fuel tanks of every single one of their planes, so she didn't bother pointing out that discrepancy to them.
Her main problem, then, wasn't getting to the girl. It was her new Watcher.
To his credit, Kanye was a nice guy. He was very earnest and passionate about what he did. But he was incredibly defensive of her, and instead of offering her criticism on her training methods, he tended to stand on top of the balance beam and clap. It was very affirming, but not all that useful.
And as it turned out, he was also somewhat obsessed with Jay-z - for values of "somewhat" that translated to "off the charts and in the stars somewhere".
"Look," Beyoncé said the fourth time he got glassy-eyed and started swaying, "I like the guy's music too, but he's -" arrogant, and probably dangerous - "someone we're going to have to deal with in a professional context, so calm down, okay? I've seen ten apocalypses and you're scaring me a little."
"I'm going to sit at the same table as Jay-z," Kanye said. "We're going to be best friends. What should I wear? Think he'll give me a record deal, or will he just keep me around to rap at him all the time? I should bring a sword, shouldn't I? I bet he'll like a sword. Will you catch me a pet demon? I bet that would impress the shit out of him."
"Kanye!"
"I'll go catch a demon. Demons totally want to hang with me. Everyone wants to hang with me. Jay will want to hang with me."
Beyoncé put her head in her hands. "Life was easier when I was trying to stop Rush from opening a hole in this dimension and bringing an army of Republicans back with him," she told the floor.
Kanye stopped raving. For a moment, Beyoncé thought she was saved. But then Kanye said, "I bet Jay would love me if I told him I was the reason Obama was elected. I canvassed for him."
"You told people demons would eat them if they voted for John McCain."
"Same thing. He'll love me. Who doesn't love me?"
"Demons," Beyoncé said. "And I'm going to feed you to them."
"We've been over this, B. If a vampire tried to eat me, my blood would make it explode. From awesome."
The only thing stopping Beyoncé from petitioning for a new Watcher sometimes was the knowledge that Kanye really could fight his way through a crowd of vamps. Most Watchers couldn't even take out one. Still - "Someday you're going to realize you're not as great as you think you are, and then you're going to cry."
"I'll realize I'm greater and throw a party." Kanye strapped stakes to his wrists. "All right, let's do this thing."
Beyoncé the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Beyoncé Knowles/Jay-Z
Length: 38K+
Author on LJ: impertinence
Author Website: AO3 archive
Why this must be read: Beyoncé and her Watcher Kanye go to Jay-Z's mansion to retrieve Rihanna, who's just been called as a Slayer. It ends up being slightly more complicated than anticipated.
Now, I know next to nothing about rap/hip-hop/R&B. I know next to nothing about these four artists in particular, although I'm aware of their respective hit songs and Kanye West's Twitter feed. And I definitely don't read RPF fic. It squicks me. But this one is 100% worth making an exception for.
The premise: Beyoncé is a Slayer. Kanye West is her Watcher. Newly-called Rihanna is mogul Jay-Z's ward. Hijinks ensue.
Worth reading just for Watcher!Kanye, but Slayer!Beyoncé is also a pretty great creation, a totally competent badass who knows herself and her responsibilities. The romance between her and Jay-Z is slowly and carefully spun out, and while this fic is certainly hot, there's also a perfectly good demon-to-defeat plot that could stand alone without the romance--or in a more traditional Buffyverse fic, even. There's also a cameo by Buffy Summers herself and some awesomecakes fanart to boot.
Beyoncé didn't think her style counted as strict, but the Council had been a little kiss-ass since she'd threatened to personally punch holes in the fuel tanks of every single one of their planes, so she didn't bother pointing out that discrepancy to them.
Her main problem, then, wasn't getting to the girl. It was her new Watcher.
To his credit, Kanye was a nice guy. He was very earnest and passionate about what he did. But he was incredibly defensive of her, and instead of offering her criticism on her training methods, he tended to stand on top of the balance beam and clap. It was very affirming, but not all that useful.
And as it turned out, he was also somewhat obsessed with Jay-z - for values of "somewhat" that translated to "off the charts and in the stars somewhere".
"Look," Beyoncé said the fourth time he got glassy-eyed and started swaying, "I like the guy's music too, but he's -" arrogant, and probably dangerous - "someone we're going to have to deal with in a professional context, so calm down, okay? I've seen ten apocalypses and you're scaring me a little."
"I'm going to sit at the same table as Jay-z," Kanye said. "We're going to be best friends. What should I wear? Think he'll give me a record deal, or will he just keep me around to rap at him all the time? I should bring a sword, shouldn't I? I bet he'll like a sword. Will you catch me a pet demon? I bet that would impress the shit out of him."
"Kanye!"
"I'll go catch a demon. Demons totally want to hang with me. Everyone wants to hang with me. Jay will want to hang with me."
Beyoncé put her head in her hands. "Life was easier when I was trying to stop Rush from opening a hole in this dimension and bringing an army of Republicans back with him," she told the floor.
Kanye stopped raving. For a moment, Beyoncé thought she was saved. But then Kanye said, "I bet Jay would love me if I told him I was the reason Obama was elected. I canvassed for him."
"You told people demons would eat them if they voted for John McCain."
"Same thing. He'll love me. Who doesn't love me?"
"Demons," Beyoncé said. "And I'm going to feed you to them."
"We've been over this, B. If a vampire tried to eat me, my blood would make it explode. From awesome."
The only thing stopping Beyoncé from petitioning for a new Watcher sometimes was the knowledge that Kanye really could fight his way through a crowd of vamps. Most Watchers couldn't even take out one. Still - "Someday you're going to realize you're not as great as you think you are, and then you're going to cry."
"I'll realize I'm greater and throw a party." Kanye strapped stakes to his wrists. "All right, let's do this thing."
Beyoncé the Vampire Slayer