(no subject)
Stress: [noun] A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.
I can think of a few synonyms for that:
-college
-boyfriend
-morals
My mom seems to think that my self esteem issues are linked to stress. I believe her to a certain extent. I mean, I've always had non-existant self esteem, but recently it's been worse than usual.
Probably because of the whole "controlling" thing. In a nutshell: Max and I have been fighting because he's been smoking cigarettes again. After seeing what Baba has gone/is going through (feeding tube, throat cancer, Tracheotomy) has exposed me to the harsh reality of cigarettes and I couldn't stand to see another person I love go through that knowing I didn't do everything I could to prevent that from happening. I pretty much convinced him to quit and now everyone thinks I'm controlling. I just want what's best for him... is health really that taboo anymore?
College is getting to be a lot this semester also. I always have something to do. I can't relax because I know there's always something that needs to be done. I guess a constant flow of work and college go hand in hand... maybe if I would've tried in high school, this wouldn't be such a shock to me.
Now there's a novel theory.
On top of what I've just mentioned (and then some), I've been suffering physically as well. My face is breaking out like it's going out of style and I have two canker sores in a really uncomfortable position in my mouth. However, I don't suppose any place is comfortable for a canker sore. I've also been extremely exhausted. All I want to do anymore is sleep. Sleeping seems to make things so much better.
This all sounds so petty, but I just can't seem to be able to organize my thoughts properly.
I'm going to start seeing a professional. My self esteem, motivation, and negative image I have of myself is so low and it just adds to the stress I get from other stimuli. This sudden explosion of self hate and stress has been emanating from every single pore on my body, and it just needs to stop. I have no reason to feel the way I do, and yet the feelings persist. I shouldn't be like this.
---------------
This morning, my dad called me and asked, "Did you get a letter at school from the History department?" and I'm like, "What are you talking about?"
He went on to tell me that I got a letter mailed to the house from the History department saying that each semester, the History professors nominate one of their students for some sort of superlative, and my History teacher nominated me for "most improved student" haha, so that was nice to hear :]
Aside from that, I didn't do too much this week.... I talked to Kristen, Travis, and Chris on the phone more than usual which has been really great!
Today is me and Max's 11 month anniversary <3 [Happy 11, Babe. I love you]
I can think of a few synonyms for that:
-college
-boyfriend
-morals
My mom seems to think that my self esteem issues are linked to stress. I believe her to a certain extent. I mean, I've always had non-existant self esteem, but recently it's been worse than usual.
Probably because of the whole "controlling" thing. In a nutshell: Max and I have been fighting because he's been smoking cigarettes again. After seeing what Baba has gone/is going through (feeding tube, throat cancer, Tracheotomy) has exposed me to the harsh reality of cigarettes and I couldn't stand to see another person I love go through that knowing I didn't do everything I could to prevent that from happening. I pretty much convinced him to quit and now everyone thinks I'm controlling. I just want what's best for him... is health really that taboo anymore?
College is getting to be a lot this semester also. I always have something to do. I can't relax because I know there's always something that needs to be done. I guess a constant flow of work and college go hand in hand... maybe if I would've tried in high school, this wouldn't be such a shock to me.
Now there's a novel theory.
On top of what I've just mentioned (and then some), I've been suffering physically as well. My face is breaking out like it's going out of style and I have two canker sores in a really uncomfortable position in my mouth. However, I don't suppose any place is comfortable for a canker sore. I've also been extremely exhausted. All I want to do anymore is sleep. Sleeping seems to make things so much better.
This all sounds so petty, but I just can't seem to be able to organize my thoughts properly.
I'm going to start seeing a professional. My self esteem, motivation, and negative image I have of myself is so low and it just adds to the stress I get from other stimuli. This sudden explosion of self hate and stress has been emanating from every single pore on my body, and it just needs to stop. I have no reason to feel the way I do, and yet the feelings persist. I shouldn't be like this.
---------------
This morning, my dad called me and asked, "Did you get a letter at school from the History department?" and I'm like, "What are you talking about?"
He went on to tell me that I got a letter mailed to the house from the History department saying that each semester, the History professors nominate one of their students for some sort of superlative, and my History teacher nominated me for "most improved student" haha, so that was nice to hear :]
Aside from that, I didn't do too much this week.... I talked to Kristen, Travis, and Chris on the phone more than usual which has been really great!
Today is me and Max's 11 month anniversary <3 [Happy 11, Babe. I love you]