Any information about bear-gods?
Because I may have gotten tapped by one.
-----
Since I can't do anything on my pagan forum recently without the "servers are too busy, check again later" message showing up every few minutes, I mostly try to post in hourly blocks, give up after the fifth or sixth refresh, go about my day, and then try for another hour later.
Someone mentioned that all the stuff I've been going through is EXTREMELY consistent with Celtic/Irish folklore about people under fairy-curses--the Fantasy-Theater-Land that I desperately want to be in and makes me insanely discontent with my actual life, the bells that Clarity gave Little Bit to ward off the Folk, all the voices and snippets of conversations, and Prince Charming, aka Moritz Stiefel.
That weird months-long ache in my side was apparently the clincher. Since a healthy twenty-two-year-old shouldn't be having an unexplained ache in the exact same spot for months, she said that most pre-Christian healers would have immediately concluded that I was suffering a case of elf-shot.
So I decided to ask Moritz if he was one of the Fair Folk... aaaaand he turned into a bear.
More specifically, he was stunned for a split-second, then suddenly roared "NO" in this horrible, bestial voice, and he started turning into a grizzly bear screaming, "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT!"
Why a grizzly bear? Because I saw the hump on his back when he started transforming, he was GODDAMN TWICE MY SIZE, and the sudden image of the California state flag helped a lot. And I naturally started freaking out, but being five feet tall and non-violent, I had no fucking idea how to NOT get spiritually mauled. But he was transforming very slowly and his screaming/roaring sounded more like he was in pain than anger, and he was backing away from me in a clear attempt to keep from losing more control than he already was.
I didn't know what else to do but sing to calm him down.
And you'd expect the physical plane's laws to not apply to the spiritual plane, but "singing to calm a raging animal down" is WAAAAY harder than it looks. Especially when the raging animal in question used to be a boy you've been trying desperately to find. I sang "Blue Wind," and I was shaky and about three octaves too high, but it worked because he stopped turning into a bear. Like, the physical transformation into a bear stopped when he heard me singing.
So I just kept singing "Blue Wind," and he managed to turn mostly human again. But it was really slow and clearly very painful, and he was extremely drained when he finally managed to apologize for losing control. But he still had fangs and his hair was brown, and FUCK.
When he started turning into a bear, I kept getting these flashes of honey dripping from the comb for some reason. But naturally, that was overshadowed by the fact that the entity I like TURNS INTO A BEAR WHEN HE'S MAD.
It doesn't even seem voluntary since it's so slow and painful, which makes it worse because neither of us know what ELSE is going to unintentionally hulk him out.
And suddenly I remembered that the night he came, Aengus just up and LEFT. Not even verbally telling me--I just felt him go, "Okay, he's coming and I better give you all some space RIGHT NOW."
A bear.
A fucking GRIZZLY.
And he looks like Moritz again, but I just keep feeling how OLD he is. Not the "you used a fake photo on the internet" old; the "so powerful that he was here before he had a NAME" old. It doesn't match with his adorable-blond-teenager appearance AT ALL, and I don't know whether it freaks me out more than the whole "turning into a bear" thing.
He keeps wanting to hug me to make me feel better, but he knows I'm still scared shitless of him and he just keeps saying helplessly, "I told you not to ask me yet."
-----
Since I can't do anything on my pagan forum recently without the "servers are too busy, check again later" message showing up every few minutes, I mostly try to post in hourly blocks, give up after the fifth or sixth refresh, go about my day, and then try for another hour later.
Someone mentioned that all the stuff I've been going through is EXTREMELY consistent with Celtic/Irish folklore about people under fairy-curses--the Fantasy-Theater-Land that I desperately want to be in and makes me insanely discontent with my actual life, the bells that Clarity gave Little Bit to ward off the Folk, all the voices and snippets of conversations, and Prince Charming, aka Moritz Stiefel.
That weird months-long ache in my side was apparently the clincher. Since a healthy twenty-two-year-old shouldn't be having an unexplained ache in the exact same spot for months, she said that most pre-Christian healers would have immediately concluded that I was suffering a case of elf-shot.
So I decided to ask Moritz if he was one of the Fair Folk... aaaaand he turned into a bear.
More specifically, he was stunned for a split-second, then suddenly roared "NO" in this horrible, bestial voice, and he started turning into a grizzly bear screaming, "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT!"
Why a grizzly bear? Because I saw the hump on his back when he started transforming, he was GODDAMN TWICE MY SIZE, and the sudden image of the California state flag helped a lot. And I naturally started freaking out, but being five feet tall and non-violent, I had no fucking idea how to NOT get spiritually mauled. But he was transforming very slowly and his screaming/roaring sounded more like he was in pain than anger, and he was backing away from me in a clear attempt to keep from losing more control than he already was.
I didn't know what else to do but sing to calm him down.
And you'd expect the physical plane's laws to not apply to the spiritual plane, but "singing to calm a raging animal down" is WAAAAY harder than it looks. Especially when the raging animal in question used to be a boy you've been trying desperately to find. I sang "Blue Wind," and I was shaky and about three octaves too high, but it worked because he stopped turning into a bear. Like, the physical transformation into a bear stopped when he heard me singing.
So I just kept singing "Blue Wind," and he managed to turn mostly human again. But it was really slow and clearly very painful, and he was extremely drained when he finally managed to apologize for losing control. But he still had fangs and his hair was brown, and FUCK.
When he started turning into a bear, I kept getting these flashes of honey dripping from the comb for some reason. But naturally, that was overshadowed by the fact that the entity I like TURNS INTO A BEAR WHEN HE'S MAD.
It doesn't even seem voluntary since it's so slow and painful, which makes it worse because neither of us know what ELSE is going to unintentionally hulk him out.
And suddenly I remembered that the night he came, Aengus just up and LEFT. Not even verbally telling me--I just felt him go, "Okay, he's coming and I better give you all some space RIGHT NOW."
A bear.
A fucking GRIZZLY.
And he looks like Moritz again, but I just keep feeling how OLD he is. Not the "you used a fake photo on the internet" old; the "so powerful that he was here before he had a NAME" old. It doesn't match with his adorable-blond-teenager appearance AT ALL, and I don't know whether it freaks me out more than the whole "turning into a bear" thing.
He keeps wanting to hug me to make me feel better, but he knows I'm still scared shitless of him and he just keeps saying helplessly, "I told you not to ask me yet."