Oh gods, help me. ...Or DON'T?
So, you know how I got really, really deep into soul-searching because the Morrigan and Aengus Og kept sending me visions about 1) getting cast in my dream musical, Spring Awakening, and 2) hooking up with the boy who plays Moritz?
Well, they and my Tarot deck kept telling me some manner of "You can't/shouldn't meet him until you're not-broken anymore," and that I kept wanting to find him so I could "regain" or "reconnect" with my childhood. It turns out they meant it literally. As in, I had to recover various bits of my soul that had left me in high school.
The Little Bit (my eight-year-old self) came back yesterday night. Apparently she'd "hid" because my depression and anger scared her and she couldn't comprehend it.
The Teenaged Bit (self-explanatory) came back when she realized I was consciously looking for my missing soul-fragments. She left because my depression hurt too much and I kept repressing all my feelings, so she thought I'd be better off without her.
And as my second journal entry notes, today I may have seen "Moritz" and "Hanschen" while grocery shopping.
I saw two of the people I've been seeing in my visions and trying for a gorram YEAR to find.
In person.
For real.
Aengus and the Younger Bits kept giving me these "Almost" vibes--either I've "almost" found him and the other people in my visions, or it's "almost" time for us all to meet up.
See, when I asked "Who is the second boy I saw?", I kept trying to will Moritz's signifying cards (the Grail Queen, Grail Maiden, or Spear Knight) to show up. Instead I got the Grail King as Aengus Og telling me to ask him directly. Suddenly I remembered the White Hart meditation I'd done way back in May, where I'd been gorram terrified of the idea that Moritz was "real."
And... this might be him.
I am terrified.
Well, they and my Tarot deck kept telling me some manner of "You can't/shouldn't meet him until you're not-broken anymore," and that I kept wanting to find him so I could "regain" or "reconnect" with my childhood. It turns out they meant it literally. As in, I had to recover various bits of my soul that had left me in high school.
The Little Bit (my eight-year-old self) came back yesterday night. Apparently she'd "hid" because my depression and anger scared her and she couldn't comprehend it.
The Teenaged Bit (self-explanatory) came back when she realized I was consciously looking for my missing soul-fragments. She left because my depression hurt too much and I kept repressing all my feelings, so she thought I'd be better off without her.
And as my second journal entry notes, today I may have seen "Moritz" and "Hanschen" while grocery shopping.
I saw two of the people I've been seeing in my visions and trying for a gorram YEAR to find.
In person.
For real.
Aengus and the Younger Bits kept giving me these "Almost" vibes--either I've "almost" found him and the other people in my visions, or it's "almost" time for us all to meet up.
See, when I asked "Who is the second boy I saw?", I kept trying to will Moritz's signifying cards (the Grail Queen, Grail Maiden, or Spear Knight) to show up. Instead I got the Grail King as Aengus Og telling me to ask him directly. Suddenly I remembered the White Hart meditation I'd done way back in May, where I'd been gorram terrified of the idea that Moritz was "real."
And... this might be him.
I am terrified.