Debating on my UPGs.
One of my threads at The Cauldron has sparked a HUGE debate on three things:
1) I'm arrogant enough to think Aengus Og has taken an interest in me.
2) I may have a lurking mental illness that causes Option #1, especially since he advises against therapy at the moment.
3) I must be getting misled by a spirit pretending to be Aengus, especially since he advises me against therapy at the moment. Also, apparently the Ancient Celts' idea of love is not "nurturing/caring/helping with sexual or emotional issues," it's "SEXSEXSEX AND POLYAMORY AND MOAR SEX. READ THE FUCKING MANUAL--YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A BARD."
4) I've been asking too many questions. STOP SPAMMING US.
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My counterarguments:
1) I'm not intending to be arrogant, I just want to find answers because I have no experiences like this. Since I have literally no other outlets for advice, I kind of have to ask questions and this is not even HALF of the story. If that makes me look self-centered or melodramatic, well, that's their problem.
I admitted that I haven't always kept the details straight and what Aengus Og says to me changes suspiciously often, but that's only because the gods seldom "talk" in words to me and sometimes it's REALLY hard to translate that into written/spoken language. I have mentioned MANY times that "The gods don't talk to me, they "vibe" and I try to translate it into words." Keyword: TRY. Shocker--sometimes I get things wrong at first. Even worse, sometimes the gods elaborate on something.
2A) I only show one more sign of mental illness (unexplained physical reactions), and the only reasons Aengus advises against therapy because though asking questions is okay, an actual therapist would give me an excuse to avoid finding my own answers. A main theme that he and the Morrigan keep telling me is that I rely too much on other people. Another thing he drilled into my head is that when someone asks you to tell them something, I have to answer THEM. Because saying everything's fine and then going off to see a therapist is NOT LOVE--it's inability to trust or fear of getting hurt, and for me it's both.
2B) The Morrigan would certainly have told me to stop deluding myself long beforehand, considering her recent work has been to STRIP AWAY MY DELUSIONS. One of my Irish friends, who is also an Irish pagan, made a very good point that if the Morrigan hasn't said anything it usually means nothing is wrong. And though I wanted to talk to someone "less intense," I specifically asked Aengus Og and find it hard to believe tM would let me go on "talking to myself" for this long. If I thought I shouldn't see a therapist because my own fractured mind was telling me so, the Morrigan would definitely tell me to SEE A FUCKING THERAPIST NOW.
3A) I had no reason to think I was being misled, since I asked similar questions here and HOLY CRAP, SOMEONE ELSE THINKS THIS SOUNDS LIKE AENGUS. (I linked to one of my discussions here for proof.) And what with the spirit being a young man who answered when I called on Aengus Og, continues to let me call him Aengus, and one of the Celts' main virtues being HONESTY, I find it odd that the REAL Aengus didn't spiritually murder him and set me straight after finding out that some guy was 1) masquerading as him, and 2) masquerading as him to a confused/traumatized twenty-two-year-old who told him very personal things.
3B) I haven't told the Cauldron this--mostly because the Cauldron is rapidly giving me up for lost. But neither Aengus Og nor the Morrigan would stand around checking the time if they knew an abused AND inexperienced twenty-two-year-old was getting tricked by some spirit. Especially since whenever I ask him for a response, he... answers. Physically.
3C) Said Pagan Irish Friend has also mentioned that "The Irish DO INDEED view love as nurturing/caring/healing emotional scars. Sex may have been rampant in the old times, but we also had the shocking concepts that 1) it's better if both parties enjoy it, and 2) love is REALLY STRONGLY tied to it. I'm Irish AND I live in Ireland."
4) See Counter-Argument #1. And if they think I'm talking too much there, I've got pages of notes and all the other discussions here and on Facebook.
Suggestions? Help? "Get something pointy and let's set them all straight OR ELSE?"
EDIT: Well, we've all calmed down enough for them to not give up on me YET--I admitted that I've only been so insistent that this being is Aengus Og because I'm not COMPLETELY sure of it myself (more like 80-90%), and that 10-20 percent bugs me even though he responds when I call for Aengus, he lets me call him that name, and he's not a BAD influence on me.
EDIT EDIT 5/28: So, even though I believe that the gods are genuinely contacting me, I just realized that to deal with my confusion, I've fallen into the "I nearly killed myself and this isn't NEARLY as bad" trap. When I get a free hour, I'm calling my city's crisis hotline.
Fuck.
1) I'm arrogant enough to think Aengus Og has taken an interest in me.
2) I may have a lurking mental illness that causes Option #1, especially since he advises against therapy at the moment.
3) I must be getting misled by a spirit pretending to be Aengus, especially since he advises me against therapy at the moment. Also, apparently the Ancient Celts' idea of love is not "nurturing/caring/helping with sexual or emotional issues," it's "SEXSEXSEX AND POLYAMORY AND MOAR SEX. READ THE FUCKING MANUAL--YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A BARD."
4) I've been asking too many questions. STOP SPAMMING US.
-----
My counterarguments:
1) I'm not intending to be arrogant, I just want to find answers because I have no experiences like this. Since I have literally no other outlets for advice, I kind of have to ask questions and this is not even HALF of the story. If that makes me look self-centered or melodramatic, well, that's their problem.
I admitted that I haven't always kept the details straight and what Aengus Og says to me changes suspiciously often, but that's only because the gods seldom "talk" in words to me and sometimes it's REALLY hard to translate that into written/spoken language. I have mentioned MANY times that "The gods don't talk to me, they "vibe" and I try to translate it into words." Keyword: TRY. Shocker--sometimes I get things wrong at first. Even worse, sometimes the gods elaborate on something.
2A) I only show one more sign of mental illness (unexplained physical reactions), and the only reasons Aengus advises against therapy because though asking questions is okay, an actual therapist would give me an excuse to avoid finding my own answers. A main theme that he and the Morrigan keep telling me is that I rely too much on other people. Another thing he drilled into my head is that when someone asks you to tell them something, I have to answer THEM. Because saying everything's fine and then going off to see a therapist is NOT LOVE--it's inability to trust or fear of getting hurt, and for me it's both.
2B) The Morrigan would certainly have told me to stop deluding myself long beforehand, considering her recent work has been to STRIP AWAY MY DELUSIONS. One of my Irish friends, who is also an Irish pagan, made a very good point that if the Morrigan hasn't said anything it usually means nothing is wrong. And though I wanted to talk to someone "less intense," I specifically asked Aengus Og and find it hard to believe tM would let me go on "talking to myself" for this long. If I thought I shouldn't see a therapist because my own fractured mind was telling me so, the Morrigan would definitely tell me to SEE A FUCKING THERAPIST NOW.
3A) I had no reason to think I was being misled, since I asked similar questions here and HOLY CRAP, SOMEONE ELSE THINKS THIS SOUNDS LIKE AENGUS. (I linked to one of my discussions here for proof.) And what with the spirit being a young man who answered when I called on Aengus Og, continues to let me call him Aengus, and one of the Celts' main virtues being HONESTY, I find it odd that the REAL Aengus didn't spiritually murder him and set me straight after finding out that some guy was 1) masquerading as him, and 2) masquerading as him to a confused/traumatized twenty-two-year-old who told him very personal things.
3B) I haven't told the Cauldron this--mostly because the Cauldron is rapidly giving me up for lost. But neither Aengus Og nor the Morrigan would stand around checking the time if they knew an abused AND inexperienced twenty-two-year-old was getting tricked by some spirit. Especially since whenever I ask him for a response, he... answers. Physically.
3C) Said Pagan Irish Friend has also mentioned that "The Irish DO INDEED view love as nurturing/caring/healing emotional scars. Sex may have been rampant in the old times, but we also had the shocking concepts that 1) it's better if both parties enjoy it, and 2) love is REALLY STRONGLY tied to it. I'm Irish AND I live in Ireland."
4) See Counter-Argument #1. And if they think I'm talking too much there, I've got pages of notes and all the other discussions here and on Facebook.
Suggestions? Help? "Get something pointy and let's set them all straight OR ELSE?"
EDIT: Well, we've all calmed down enough for them to not give up on me YET--I admitted that I've only been so insistent that this being is Aengus Og because I'm not COMPLETELY sure of it myself (more like 80-90%), and that 10-20 percent bugs me even though he responds when I call for Aengus, he lets me call him that name, and he's not a BAD influence on me.
EDIT EDIT 5/28: So, even though I believe that the gods are genuinely contacting me, I just realized that to deal with my confusion, I've fallen into the "I nearly killed myself and this isn't NEARLY as bad" trap. When I get a free hour, I'm calling my city's crisis hotline.
Fuck.