pregnancy
So indeed I am pregnant. I got no option but to get an abortion. I know that if I have the baby, he will run away. So might as well murder it, he hates me and he hates the child. It's still early though, I am 4 weeks in. I can't believe it. I even named it. I do have a feeling it would be a boy, so I named him Lukas Samuel. My best friends middle name is Luke, so Lukas is German for Luke. And Samuel is my brothers name.
But all this will be shattered soon. I am not financially ready to raise a child. And I know that he won't help me. He would probably be embarrassed to be with someone as ugly as me. Or be embarrassed that he has a child. I'm just so sad, this pregnancy has changed my life. And even if I do abort it, I won't be able to forget both the baby and the father. The father will always be a part of me because I did carry his baby, even if it was for such a short time. It doesn't help that I still have feelings for him.
But all this will be shattered soon. I am not financially ready to raise a child. And I know that he won't help me. He would probably be embarrassed to be with someone as ugly as me. Or be embarrassed that he has a child. I'm just so sad, this pregnancy has changed my life. And even if I do abort it, I won't be able to forget both the baby and the father. The father will always be a part of me because I did carry his baby, even if it was for such a short time. It doesn't help that I still have feelings for him.