(no subject)
Well, my grandmother's prognosis was not favorable at the doctor's today. They didn't even bother to do the chemo because it wasn't helping. Her blood markers have doubled in the past month, and they think the cancer has spread. She goes in for a CAT scan on tuesday and we'll know more then, but it definitely wasn't a good day.
Did I also mention that my grandmother and grandfather on my dad's side have been diagnosed with a rare blood cancer and seem to think they have prostate and/or liver cancer, respectively? I found that out Monday afternoon after they left town. They didn't want to tell me or my sister directly, I guess.
Our friends' parents are also ailing... his mother is in Hospice and it's a waiting game, and her father is not doing great either.
Slowly, my dad and sister's surgical wounds are healing, but nowhere near as fast as they were supposed to.
And I have a friend, a friend I really care about, who won't answer my calls. Depression's an issue for him/her, and when she/he disappears for a while, it's usually a sign that something's wrong.
I feel I deal with medical-related crises fairly well... somewhere between sober trust and levity that gets me by. I've dealt with my various medical stuff since birth, and it's what has worked for me. I thought my sister would be okay with it leading up to her surgery; I tried to break the tension and worry for her.
Yet again, I find I am my own worst enet: I'm finding that my way of dealing with it isn't appreciated or isn't appropriate (even the sober half of my way never seems to fit...). Damn.
The ride home from the hospital today with my grandmother was tough. There was an elephant in the backseat, and when I told her "everything will be okay", I felt like the biggest damn cliche ever. But I meant it.
I'm already afraid of the call I'm going to get in the middle of winter on a tuesday night, on the way back from the caf or some lecture, telling me to hop a flight to St. Louis or Ohio the next day.
The tables have been turned. I've gone from the sickly child to the one who has to support everyone else. I don't know if I'm cut out for it.
I also don't think I should ever touch alcohol again. My medications plus that could make me just like my aging uncles and great uncles. It's only a chance. But is it one I want to take?
Did I also mention that my grandmother and grandfather on my dad's side have been diagnosed with a rare blood cancer and seem to think they have prostate and/or liver cancer, respectively? I found that out Monday afternoon after they left town. They didn't want to tell me or my sister directly, I guess.
Our friends' parents are also ailing... his mother is in Hospice and it's a waiting game, and her father is not doing great either.
Slowly, my dad and sister's surgical wounds are healing, but nowhere near as fast as they were supposed to.
And I have a friend, a friend I really care about, who won't answer my calls. Depression's an issue for him/her, and when she/he disappears for a while, it's usually a sign that something's wrong.
I feel I deal with medical-related crises fairly well... somewhere between sober trust and levity that gets me by. I've dealt with my various medical stuff since birth, and it's what has worked for me. I thought my sister would be okay with it leading up to her surgery; I tried to break the tension and worry for her.
Yet again, I find I am my own worst enet: I'm finding that my way of dealing with it isn't appreciated or isn't appropriate (even the sober half of my way never seems to fit...). Damn.
The ride home from the hospital today with my grandmother was tough. There was an elephant in the backseat, and when I told her "everything will be okay", I felt like the biggest damn cliche ever. But I meant it.
I'm already afraid of the call I'm going to get in the middle of winter on a tuesday night, on the way back from the caf or some lecture, telling me to hop a flight to St. Louis or Ohio the next day.
The tables have been turned. I've gone from the sickly child to the one who has to support everyone else. I don't know if I'm cut out for it.
I also don't think I should ever touch alcohol again. My medications plus that could make me just like my aging uncles and great uncles. It's only a chance. But is it one I want to take?