TM 230: Black and White
OOC: Contains spoilers for season four, up to but not including "Guess What's Coming To Dinner."
There's nothing white anymore. No lightness to anything.
Even looking at my son turns black. Because I know who he's crying for. He's not crying for daddy, not the guy who kissed him before going off in the morning and kissed him after coming home at night. He doesn't want me. He wants his frakking mother. I want his frakking mother. I want my wife back. I want the chance to make it right.
Frakking toasters don't even know how frakking lucky they (we? Can I even frakking do that?) are. Die, and if there's a resurrection ship, you get to wake up. Make one dumb move that winds you up dead and you can just pick out a new body. Frak, even ATHENA'S gotten that second chance. Cally knew it. And she still... killed herself.
Sometimes I think the blackness is all around me. After my little meltdown in Joe's in front of the Admiral, haven't frakking heard from him. I must be frakking insane, because remembering the look on his face, I still almost laugh. Until I remember what I said to put that look on his face. According to Apollo, the Admiral makes a habit out of whitewashing the dead. 'Course, he was drunk and thinking about his mother when he mentioned that. Frak that. Cally doesn't need a whitewash, because she was just fine the way she was. Had her frakking bad qualities just like the rest of us. Had her frakking good qualities like the rest of us. Admiral just comes on down to visit me and expects me to just... I don't know what he frakking expected, but I sure as hell didn't give it to him.
Haven't seen Figurski unless I stop by the deck to check on things. Seelix is off with Starbuck and Sam, probably walking into an ambush. Frak. She doesn't even know about Cally. But I'm sure all I'd have to do is have a frakking meltdown, desecrate my wife's memory even more, in front of her and I'll never see her again, either. Frak, who am I kidding? We'll never see any of them again anyway.
[locked to the Final Five]
Sam, you frakking moron, how could you just LEAVE?
[/locked]
And Gaius frakking Baltar. Frakking traitor, frakking shitty President, frakking weasely-ass human being. Pontificating in front of a group of his psychotic women followers about how sorry he was for my loss and how he frakking knows how much Cally would have wanted me to take his hand. Frakking Gaius Baltar. If anyone should be dead instead of Cally, it's frakking Gaius Baltar. Bastard's worse than the Admiral. At least the Admiral knew Cally from a frakking hole in the wall. At least when the Admiral lined Cally up to shoot her like a frakking animal, he knew exactly what he would be losing. Frakking Baltar just signed the order for two hundred people he didn't even KNOW and sent them off to be massacred.
Gaeta's off with Starbuck, too. Still owe him.
And now that frakking son of a bitch has the nerve to drop by my quarters. They'll never be home again. Which of his groupies will be coming in with him, I wonder.
Frak. Got more balls than I thought. He's alone.
Frakking talking now. That's what he's best at. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk all you want, Mr. President.
CPO Specialist Galen Tyrol
Battlestar Galactica 2003
566 words