so....
hm. this day started out really well. the e mail from Kelly, the e mail from Will, and getting to see a picture of Will @ http://www.usmc.mil/15thmeu/pages/Faces.htm and getting my schedule for the new job...
then I started thinking. I really want a family. Soon. And I know I shouldn't feel bad, or be so pushy...afterall, Will is coming home in 5 months..but I don't know if he wants to have a family with me. We haven't really discussed anything past this deployment except for whether or not he wants to reenlist. I'm afraid I won't be able to have babies. There's something I want to tell, but Will and I haven't talked about it yet...and I would rather not tell him in an e mail. **sigh** I will have to make this entry friends only. Here goes.
February 2003: I went to the girly doctor for my yearly exam. 4 days later, I get a phone call and the dr needs to see me again to repap me. 24 hours later, I get a call to come to his office for a sit down meeting...I go and he tells me that there were abnormal cells on my cervix and they want to biopsy me. uh, ok....by this point, I am in shock. A week later, I go back for a colposcopy and biopsy of my cervix. A few days later, some dumbass nurse, CALLS ME AT WORK!!! to tell me the results. I have cancer. I was hysterical. I put off a procedure that could possibly hinder my chances of ever carrying a baby to term until 6 months later.
August 2003: I decided to go back and have a LEEP. They told me this procedure would weaken my cervix in parts and possible cause scar tissue. great. I had the loop electro excision procedure....shavings of my cervix taken, and from that, I was given a result of clear margins...but told, the longer I wait to have babies, the harder it will become to carry to full term.
Now, I am a bit anxious. When I started talking to Will, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with. And I can honestly imagine having kids with him. But how am I supposed to tell him about this? First, I don't want him to feel like I have hidden this from him. Second of all, will he still want me? The term "damaged goods" comes to mind..........and finally, will he even want to have kids with me? I'm scared. And confused. I want to tell him, but I feel now is not an opportune time, considering his current deployed status.
I wish I had a little fairy sitting on my shoulder. The magic fairy of advice. she would know how he would react and tell me what to do. hm. I think it is bubble bath time. I need to think about this long and hard.......
Semper Fi.
then I started thinking. I really want a family. Soon. And I know I shouldn't feel bad, or be so pushy...afterall, Will is coming home in 5 months..but I don't know if he wants to have a family with me. We haven't really discussed anything past this deployment except for whether or not he wants to reenlist. I'm afraid I won't be able to have babies. There's something I want to tell, but Will and I haven't talked about it yet...and I would rather not tell him in an e mail. **sigh** I will have to make this entry friends only. Here goes.
February 2003: I went to the girly doctor for my yearly exam. 4 days later, I get a phone call and the dr needs to see me again to repap me. 24 hours later, I get a call to come to his office for a sit down meeting...I go and he tells me that there were abnormal cells on my cervix and they want to biopsy me. uh, ok....by this point, I am in shock. A week later, I go back for a colposcopy and biopsy of my cervix. A few days later, some dumbass nurse, CALLS ME AT WORK!!! to tell me the results. I have cancer. I was hysterical. I put off a procedure that could possibly hinder my chances of ever carrying a baby to term until 6 months later.
August 2003: I decided to go back and have a LEEP. They told me this procedure would weaken my cervix in parts and possible cause scar tissue. great. I had the loop electro excision procedure....shavings of my cervix taken, and from that, I was given a result of clear margins...but told, the longer I wait to have babies, the harder it will become to carry to full term.
Now, I am a bit anxious. When I started talking to Will, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with. And I can honestly imagine having kids with him. But how am I supposed to tell him about this? First, I don't want him to feel like I have hidden this from him. Second of all, will he still want me? The term "damaged goods" comes to mind..........and finally, will he even want to have kids with me? I'm scared. And confused. I want to tell him, but I feel now is not an opportune time, considering his current deployed status.
I wish I had a little fairy sitting on my shoulder. The magic fairy of advice. she would know how he would react and tell me what to do. hm. I think it is bubble bath time. I need to think about this long and hard.......
Semper Fi.