In a writing/blah mood
I think I know why I can't settle for any guy that has an interest in me...too many spoiling good men in my life that they have to live up too, and too many perfect men that don't even exist.
My grandpa was a firefighter, all he needed to be happy was to have his radio playing the local ball game, and to hang out with my grandma. If you asked him to help you move, he was always there, and I just with i had more time with him, it just doesn't seem fair.
My dad and I have had some issues in the past (some that he never even knew about) but through some actual talking about what happened all those years ago, I can really appreciate everything he's done for me. A small part of me used to resent that he stayed, but it was only because no one ever told me WHY it was just me he came to get every week. He's gone through so much shit to keep me, court battles, bankruptcy, living in the ghetto (trust me, when I say ghetto, i mean fuckin ghetto. I was forbiiiiidden to eeeeever leave the house without him). But he's always been there for me, and while I think of my grandpa as a real father figure, I can never let myself forget that I always had a real one, even if I didn't understand why.
And then there all the fictional men that if they were real...man...I don't think I could ever be happy with one of the mere mortals that were available.
It all comes back to Batman for me, I've always loved him, not the silly movie ones (though Christian Bale can handcuff me aaaany time). He's strong, buff....rich, that doesn't hurt, that nice, hot cut of jaw, and just plain hot, lol. I think it's the tortured soul thing that just makes me sigh about him. Like all he needs is the wub of a good woman to make it all better, lol, how pathetic and unlikely is that?
I'm too spoiled with my books...tough, hard, strong as hell men get snared by sweet yet kickass girls and they live happily ever after. I feel pretty left out in the happily ever after department right about now.
And my latest sigh worthy fake person is Ed from Fullmetal. He's short, blonde, which kind of makes one think that he reminds me of loser boy, which is beyond not the case (I think one reason I liked loser boy was because I could make him an Ed costume and just pretend, lol). He's far more...well...manly than LB, so there really shouldn't be any room for comparison other than the superficial. He's the same tortured soul, talented, and smaaaaaart (and not the arrogant smart, where they have to act like dicks in front of new people to establish that they're smart, I don't care who you are, that's a damn annoying trait). I love smart guys. Not so much, omg, look at my fat degree, more being able to hold an intelligent, or at least interested conversation about a topic they no nothing about, courteous, and just plain SOCIALLY CAPABLE. God, I may not be the most intelligent goddamn person on the planet, but I know how to act around people....but i digress.
There really is just something about the tortured bad boy that I'm drawn to, though I dunno where I'd find one in this day and age. Sing it baby, where the hell DID all those cowboys go?
The only time I'm really into someone is if they're damaged like I am. Everyone has some kind of damage, but I'm talkin serious, you're childhood would fill tons of books kind of lame. Not the worst childhood I can assure you, but there are plenty of things I could have fucking done without.
Could be one reason I like the tortured tough ones, they're damaged, like me.
But Batman has all kind of comic booty to pick from and Ed needs to go marry Winry and make babies, but that's only if I don't get to them first, lol.
I have a lot of girl friends who don't get why I'm single, why I can't just pick a guy and have a good time, but I've tried that, and I don't get anywhere. LB was fun, I cared, but it wasn't anything that I could bring home to my mother and let her rip it apart because to be honest, he was damn lame. Same reason why I never introduced him to my other friends, damn lame.
I mostly get praised for not having sex, and sometimes people just don't get why I can't just spread'em for any ol' guy. It's not in my nature. I'm a jealous, vindictive, possessive person. If it's mine, it's fucking MINE, I'll brand that ass if I must, lol. I just want someone to think of me the same way. I don't believe in owning a guy...though that could be fun. We have free will for a reason, but it's never an "accident" and she tripped and fell on your dick, ya know? It's mine, all mine, and if any chick thinks she can just waltz up and steal it ohhh...does she have another thing coming.
Too possessive? I guess....but what's mine is mine, lol.
My extreme issues with trust must be helped before I could ever have a real adult relationship. It's not fair to ask someone to love me when I can't trust them farther than I can throw them without always wearing a tracking device and a wire. I wouldn't dream of cheating on someone, it's the lowest of the low (second lowest really, LYING about cheating is even worse) I just need to be able to find someone worthy of trusting like that, ya know?
I just need to find me a real man....one who can't even sleep in our bed when I'm gone, one that can't sleep at all. It really is cute when my stepmom gets mad at my dad for sleeping on the couch when she's out of the country, she should be used to it by now though.
But like I said once a long while ago, I'll just have to wait til I'm thirty to date, I'll just watch Batman Begins, Fullmetal Alchemist, any Vin Diesel movie (mostly where he's Riddick, yoooooooowzaaaaaaaa) and read my comics/manga and just wait.....god waiting sucks ass.