(no subject)
I really wish my mind was in the right place to be dealing with all of this right now, but unfortunately it's not. I was at work today mopping the pool deck and I just couldn't stop a few tears from falling as I thought about everything. I hope none of the people upstairs in the cafe saw me because that would be embarrasing to say the least. I walk around thinking "It was all too good to be true" or "it was too good to last" and thats not how I should be thinking! I really want to be positive about everything so that he can see that I'm strong. But its so hard because one day I was all happy with our relationship, relaxed and focusing on other things,and everything was going great, and the next it's all gone. I also keep on thinking that there must be something wrong with me, and thats why all of this is happening and why he probably doesn't want to move in with me again for quite awhile. He says the next place he wants to move in with me is a house full of his buddies. Thats all and dandy and I've always said I'd live with a bunch of guys in a heartbeat, but it just makes me feel that there is something about me that makes him not want it to be just the two of us. Maybe I've got a bad case of pms. See I don't get bitchy I get to thinking and then I get depressed. No good. Anywho! I'm trying my absolute best to look at everything with a smile. But I'm failing miserably. I just hope that will all change in time. Until then, who knows!