Military Christmas
Here is the procedure that someone came up with in my office(probably stolen from somewhere else) for a military Christams.
Christmas Operations Order
Date: Fri, 23 Dec 2005 12:20:01 - 0800 (PST)
From: OIC, Director of Christmas Operations
Subject: Ops order for Dec. 25 Christmas Operations Order: 12-24-05
Subject: Christmas
1. An official visit by Lt Gen Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2005. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the Office of the Surgeon General, Veterinary Services.
b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2005. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage wear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2005.
c. Personnel will utilize standard field ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Artificially sweetened plums are authorized for those in their unit weight control program. Specifications for this item will be provided by the servicing dining facility.
d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2005, ATTN: DCSLOG, for approval.
e. At the f irst sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the wi! ndow sashes. DCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 2000, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown open prior to start of official clatter.
f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2005, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" stations. After shutters are thrown open and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.
g. The ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of Lt Gen Claus' driver who, IAW current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen".
2. Lt Gen Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2005, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-in.
3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." This shout will be given on termination of General Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.
//Original Signed//
CHRISTOPHER KRINGLE Colonel
OIC, Special Services
DISTRIBUTION: EVERYBODY WHO STILL BELIEVES
As of lately I have been seriously contemplating whether our goverment is going the way of George Orwell (1984) or William Gibson (Sprawl Series). It seems the goverments definition of protecting our liberties is to take them away from us(i.e. P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act). There has been also and increasing number of people who are flat out fed up with the way the political system of late has been running. There has been numerous people who have pointed out there is more graft and corruption within the system as of late. Now I cannont comment on that point since I have not really paid attention to that are of the news. It is under my belief that the goverment couldn't run without corruption it would be to normal and the system would have a hard time comprehending anything that had to do with true legal procedures. I mean look at the state of Louisisana they have been denied aide from Congress on the grounds that the state goverment is to corrupt. So when they recive aide it will be given to a third party for them to manage. Here New Orleans is talking about a bigger and better Mardi Gras and a bigger and better Jazz Fest. This is the sounds like a drug addict doing as much junk as possible to avoid facing the true reality of the devastation. The city is mocked openly by other states saying that all the city cares about is the French Quarter, Mardi Gras, and Burbon Street. Which is true since these were the first places to be cleaned up and started with the reopening of the shops. The funny thing is when I drive by them there is no one working there since a lot of these people will not be returning to this area. Also the city has lied on numerous occasions on what parts of the city were flooded. The French Quarter did flood folks I have seen the official pictures. It flooded a good 10 feet count them TEN FEET. I have see water marks on the high ways of 15 ft tops. So do not let the media and the city fool you into believing everything was fine. So that concludes my rant on the city of New Orleans. Now on with the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act. This stands for Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism. I have read the 200 section of the Act and in no were does it say that there is authorization of wire tapping, hacking emails, and invading personal information allowed without a warrent. Here is what to me appears as the BIG BROTHER Act. There wasn't really any new "tools" persay when the act was intiated. It just loosened the authority needed to attain certain private information and broadened the scope of what can be effectivly "snooped" through by the goverment. Plus it gave the American citizens a chance to turn in those they believed were associated with Terrorist activities. This whole thing to me when it first started was some kind of McCarthyism "Red Scare" revisit. I am not sure if the goverment is trying to build a power base off of fear and use diversionary tactics to make us miss the big picture. Yet the only picture they seem to be painting is that of icompentence and dominance over there own people. Other countries I am sure look at us with a view of scared little children or that of mindless zombies believing everything that is told to us. We are loosing are rights to free speech, freedom of press, and freedom of religion. Everything that is not deemed approopriate by the goverment can easily be labled as a terrorist activity or threat and you can find yourself standing tall before the man explaining yourself to him. All I can say is think people. This is your life do not forget that this goverment was founded to fight off the oppresive tyranny of a tyrant from England. We have checks and balances set up in the goverment to stop unlawful laws. We as the people have the lawful right to speak our mind and if need be oust the person in charge to get a better one. I hope that you do remember that we were original an oppressed colony or so we felt, and Declared our Independince and fought for what we have now. Now see were we are. Look for yourself.
C.S.-
Christmas Operations Order
Date: Fri, 23 Dec 2005 12:20:01 - 0800 (PST)
From: OIC, Director of Christmas Operations
Subject: Ops order for Dec. 25 Christmas Operations Order: 12-24-05
Subject: Christmas
1. An official visit by Lt Gen Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2005. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the Office of the Surgeon General, Veterinary Services.
b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2005. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage wear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2005.
c. Personnel will utilize standard field ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Artificially sweetened plums are authorized for those in their unit weight control program. Specifications for this item will be provided by the servicing dining facility.
d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2005, ATTN: DCSLOG, for approval.
e. At the f irst sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the wi! ndow sashes. DCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 2000, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown open prior to start of official clatter.
f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2005, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" stations. After shutters are thrown open and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.
g. The ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of Lt Gen Claus' driver who, IAW current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen".
2. Lt Gen Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2005, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-in.
3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." This shout will be given on termination of General Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.
//Original Signed//
CHRISTOPHER KRINGLE Colonel
OIC, Special Services
DISTRIBUTION: EVERYBODY WHO STILL BELIEVES
As of lately I have been seriously contemplating whether our goverment is going the way of George Orwell (1984) or William Gibson (Sprawl Series). It seems the goverments definition of protecting our liberties is to take them away from us(i.e. P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act). There has been also and increasing number of people who are flat out fed up with the way the political system of late has been running. There has been numerous people who have pointed out there is more graft and corruption within the system as of late. Now I cannont comment on that point since I have not really paid attention to that are of the news. It is under my belief that the goverment couldn't run without corruption it would be to normal and the system would have a hard time comprehending anything that had to do with true legal procedures. I mean look at the state of Louisisana they have been denied aide from Congress on the grounds that the state goverment is to corrupt. So when they recive aide it will be given to a third party for them to manage. Here New Orleans is talking about a bigger and better Mardi Gras and a bigger and better Jazz Fest. This is the sounds like a drug addict doing as much junk as possible to avoid facing the true reality of the devastation. The city is mocked openly by other states saying that all the city cares about is the French Quarter, Mardi Gras, and Burbon Street. Which is true since these were the first places to be cleaned up and started with the reopening of the shops. The funny thing is when I drive by them there is no one working there since a lot of these people will not be returning to this area. Also the city has lied on numerous occasions on what parts of the city were flooded. The French Quarter did flood folks I have seen the official pictures. It flooded a good 10 feet count them TEN FEET. I have see water marks on the high ways of 15 ft tops. So do not let the media and the city fool you into believing everything was fine. So that concludes my rant on the city of New Orleans. Now on with the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act. This stands for Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism. I have read the 200 section of the Act and in no were does it say that there is authorization of wire tapping, hacking emails, and invading personal information allowed without a warrent. Here is what to me appears as the BIG BROTHER Act. There wasn't really any new "tools" persay when the act was intiated. It just loosened the authority needed to attain certain private information and broadened the scope of what can be effectivly "snooped" through by the goverment. Plus it gave the American citizens a chance to turn in those they believed were associated with Terrorist activities. This whole thing to me when it first started was some kind of McCarthyism "Red Scare" revisit. I am not sure if the goverment is trying to build a power base off of fear and use diversionary tactics to make us miss the big picture. Yet the only picture they seem to be painting is that of icompentence and dominance over there own people. Other countries I am sure look at us with a view of scared little children or that of mindless zombies believing everything that is told to us. We are loosing are rights to free speech, freedom of press, and freedom of religion. Everything that is not deemed approopriate by the goverment can easily be labled as a terrorist activity or threat and you can find yourself standing tall before the man explaining yourself to him. All I can say is think people. This is your life do not forget that this goverment was founded to fight off the oppresive tyranny of a tyrant from England. We have checks and balances set up in the goverment to stop unlawful laws. We as the people have the lawful right to speak our mind and if need be oust the person in charge to get a better one. I hope that you do remember that we were original an oppressed colony or so we felt, and Declared our Independince and fought for what we have now. Now see were we are. Look for yourself.
C.S.-