Fic: Control
Title: Control
Author:
uniquinum
Summary: His first thought was her. He wanted nothing more than to see her again, he thought he was strong enough for them both, but he didn’t have enough control. Not yet.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Guys and Gals of Stargate SG1 and Atlantis, I am merely borrowing for some not for profit fun.
Type / Pairings: Gen
Main characters: Daniel Jackson, Elizabeth Weir
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: A little bit of emotional Daniel whump
Written for
coyote_sga,set several years before ‘Genesis’ before Elizabeth is released from hospital but after Daniel.
AN: Thanks to
woe_tilv for the Beta and
irony_rocks for the final polish off. Beta’s are love. Also if I've posted this wrong I'm sorry but I think LJ hates me at the moment (and I've never posted to a community before).
He didn’t want to be here…
Not for the first time in his life, Daniel Jackson was doing something he didn’t want to do. As a child it had been eating vegetables, going to bed when he wanted to stay up, and visiting annoying relatives who pinched his cheeks and patted him on the head.
During his teenage years he had always hated going to the school dances and pep rally’s, but he went any way.
Now, as he stood in front of the looming building of this California mental institution, a deep cold started in his stomach and moved up towards his heart. It had only been mere days since he had been released from his own prison like hospital room, and while he had finally regained some sort control of his mental faculties, he was scared that the person waiting inside had not.
It had been months since he had last set eyes on his sister, and he could still remember hearing her screaming for quiet, both in his ears and in his head, seeing her huddled in the corner of her hospital room hands clamped over her ears rocking back and forth while tears cascaded down her face.
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
Later that day he had been transferred to another facility. Over the months the voices had become fewer and fewer, gone from shouts and screams to mere whispers in the back of his mind, and then one day finally blessed silence.
He had learned control.
The days and weeks after the spill were almost like shadows in the back of his mind now. He didn’t remember where he had been when Rodney McKay had changed the world; he didn’t think he wanted to.
“So lunch?” The last few days had been chaotic, it didn’t help that he’d had the migraine from hell but he wanted to catch up with his sister.
It had only been a week since he had last seen Elizabeth, but he still missed her. Although they had quite often gone for longer periods without contact, they both hated living so close and not being able to see each other.
“Sounds good. Hermosa?” Daniel chuckled from his end of the phone. She had discovered the small side walk café (conveniently across the road from a Cold Stone) a few years before while meeting a friend from college who lived in Hermosa. It didn’t have the best food in the city, but they loved the atmosphere there. It also didn’t get overly large amounts of traffic being a block up from the beach instead of on the water.
Later that day, as Daniel was wandering through Hermosa Beach to meet Elizabeth for lunch, the migraine had gotten worse and worse. He was just about to turn and head back to his apartment where he could suffer in peace, when he saw a figure curled up on the sidewalk clutching her head in pain.
Eyes wide in fear, Daniel broke into a run towards where is sister was huddled.
That was when the screaming started.
The chaos that had been wreaked not just here in California, but across the world, when peoples mutations had started to present themselves, had passed both himself and Elizabeth by. They were busy trying to convince people they weren’t insane, just hearing voices.
When it became clear that they were suffering mutations that were slowly driving them crazy, help was very quickly given. Several months, and a lot of testing later (not that he really remembered) the doctors finally realised that he and Elizabeth were amplifying each others Telepathy.
They were split up in the hopes it would help.
Daniel missed his sister so much that it hurt. They had always been close, and the months of being forcibly torn apart, while struggling through their hells, had given him an even greater appreciation of the strength she had always given him.
He only hoped now he could return the favour.
A hand dropped down onto his shoulder, startling him out of his reverie. Looking over he offered a wan smile to his long time friend Sam Carter.
“You didn’t have to come with me.”
“I wanted to, plus you’re still not allowed to drive.” Her grin was forced; she had been a constant visitor while he had been in the hospital and knew how much he wanted to be here with his sister. Daniel didn’t want to think about where he would be without her friendship.
So many lives had been torn apart, his among them, but slowly she was helping him to put the pieces back together.
Today was just another piece.
Squaring his shoulders, he took a deep breath and moved towards the front doors.
And his sister.
******
The looks various staff shot him were full of incredulity; amazement that this man who, up until a few months ago, had been a gibbering mess in their care, came walking through the ward, back in control of his faculties. He didn’t really notice or care, he was too busy focussing on pushing back the rising noise in his head. The closer he got to her room, the harder it became.
Suddenly, he remembered a conversation between two of the doctors from not long before he had been moved.
“The closer they are, the worse it becomes”
He could control it though.
He had fought for this control, tested himself in every way he could think of.
He had to be strong enough.
Then he heard it, it wasn’t quite a scream, but he could hear the pain behind it.
Stopping dead in the middle of the hospital corridor, he brought his hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose in deep concentration, purposefully ignoring the concerned look Sam was shooting at him.
The noise was punctuated by a hiccup, then a soft voice echoing, barely discernable through his mental blocks and concentration.
*Daniel*
His head shot up, and he took off at a run towards the voice.
“Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth, look at me.”
The voice echoed in stereo for Daniel, as though he were hearing and thinking the words at the same time.
He cracked his eyes open, and forced himself to focus on the woman on the other side of the room. He watched with blurred vision as she shook her head, mumbling something under her breath that he couldn’t quite make out with his ears.
*too loud… too loud… too loud*
It came through in his mind loud and clear.
He heartily agreed.
He ran until he reached the door that held her name, slowing to a stop he reached out a hand, and traced his fingers along the nameplate.
He could hear her inside, speaking to someone or something; possibly him. Without asking for permission, his hand lowered and grasped the doorhandle. With a twist and a snick it opened.
For some reason he expected the hinges to creak.
Stepping across the threshold of the room, he turned his head trying to find her. He could still hear her voice mumbling incoherently somewhere to his left.
Turning and closing the door behind him, he looked over, and there in the corner she sat, her eyes squeezed shut. He could see tear tracks running down her face, her mouth moving with words he couldn’t hear.
Then he heard it.
*It’s too soon*
*Pretty, pretty stars*
*I can’t believe he’s back*
*Aliens abducted me*
*Too many*
*Charlie says*
*Too many*
*Macavity’s a ginger cat*
*Too many*
Clenching his fists, and bringing them up to his face, he attempted to block them all out.
“Daniel?”
“Daniel?”
“Daniel!”
The voice finally broke through, and he looked down at Elizabeth sitting there on the floor, her green eyes open wide, staring at him in disbelief.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was rough, Daniel wasn’t sure if it was from under or over use.
Taking the last few steps, he slid down the wall so they were shoulder to shoulder. Lifting his arm Daniel wrapped it around his sister’s shoulder, and pulled her towards him.
*Butt munch*
Her arm automatically snaked around his waist as she snuggled into his embrace.
*We’re a great big family*
“I came to see you”
*Don’t tell me to shut up!*
“How…?”
*It hurts*
“I was released a few days ago. I came as soon as I could”
Her shoulders started to shake, as the sobs wracked her body and tears soaked into his shirt.
*It’s not fair*
*I should be stronger*
*Why me*
*It’s not fair*
He could feel the pain radiating from her, mimicking the throbbing and screaming pulsing throughout his head, flowing down his neck in into his chest. It squeezed his heart and rolled around in his stomach before breaking out into waves along his limbs cramping into fingers and toes, but he knew it wasn’t real.
He wasn’t really in all that pain.
I wasn’t really real.
Daniel could feel it starting again. It had taken him months to make it stop, the phantom pain that came with the voices screaming and shouting in his head.
Why now.
*Please…..*
*Help me….*
His own eyes flooded with tears, as he heard, no, felt her plea. He wanted to help her more than anything.
He couldn’t.
He could barely help himself; even now he knew he had to leave. He couldn’t keep his mental walls up.
He hated himself for it.
Kissing her temple, he slowly extricated himself from her grip, and pushed up from the wall into a low crouch. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, he used his thumb to wipe away the tears still steaming down her face.
“I’m sorry.”
Standing, Daniel opened the door and walked out.
*Daniel*
He walked back down the corridor.
*Daniel*
He ignored Sam as she asked what had happened.
*Daniel*
He bypassed the elevators and ran down the stairs as fast as he dared.
*Daniel*
The further away he was, the clearer his mind became.
*Daniel*
The further away he was, the softer the voices got, the clearer her cries became.
*Daniel*
He burst through the front doors of the hospital and ran out into the sun.
*Daniel*
Collapsing down onto the grass, he sobbed. Strong arms wrapped around him and held him close. Sam had always been there, nearly as long as Elizabeth.
*DANIEL*
He leaned into his friend’s embrace, the solid thumping of her heart in his ear as he cried.
It wasn’t fair.
He didn’t want to do this.
*DANIEL*
Author:
uniquinum
Summary: His first thought was her. He wanted nothing more than to see her again, he thought he was strong enough for them both, but he didn’t have enough control. Not yet.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Guys and Gals of Stargate SG1 and Atlantis, I am merely borrowing for some not for profit fun.
Type / Pairings: Gen
Main characters: Daniel Jackson, Elizabeth Weir
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: A little bit of emotional Daniel whump
Written for
coyote_sga,set several years before ‘Genesis’ before Elizabeth is released from hospital but after Daniel.
AN: Thanks to
woe_tilv for the Beta and
irony_rocks for the final polish off. Beta’s are love. Also if I've posted this wrong I'm sorry but I think LJ hates me at the moment (and I've never posted to a community before).
He didn’t want to be here…
Not for the first time in his life, Daniel Jackson was doing something he didn’t want to do. As a child it had been eating vegetables, going to bed when he wanted to stay up, and visiting annoying relatives who pinched his cheeks and patted him on the head.
During his teenage years he had always hated going to the school dances and pep rally’s, but he went any way.
Now, as he stood in front of the looming building of this California mental institution, a deep cold started in his stomach and moved up towards his heart. It had only been mere days since he had been released from his own prison like hospital room, and while he had finally regained some sort control of his mental faculties, he was scared that the person waiting inside had not.
It had been months since he had last set eyes on his sister, and he could still remember hearing her screaming for quiet, both in his ears and in his head, seeing her huddled in the corner of her hospital room hands clamped over her ears rocking back and forth while tears cascaded down her face.
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
“Shut up”
Later that day he had been transferred to another facility. Over the months the voices had become fewer and fewer, gone from shouts and screams to mere whispers in the back of his mind, and then one day finally blessed silence.
He had learned control.
The days and weeks after the spill were almost like shadows in the back of his mind now. He didn’t remember where he had been when Rodney McKay had changed the world; he didn’t think he wanted to.
“So lunch?” The last few days had been chaotic, it didn’t help that he’d had the migraine from hell but he wanted to catch up with his sister.
It had only been a week since he had last seen Elizabeth, but he still missed her. Although they had quite often gone for longer periods without contact, they both hated living so close and not being able to see each other.
“Sounds good. Hermosa?” Daniel chuckled from his end of the phone. She had discovered the small side walk café (conveniently across the road from a Cold Stone) a few years before while meeting a friend from college who lived in Hermosa. It didn’t have the best food in the city, but they loved the atmosphere there. It also didn’t get overly large amounts of traffic being a block up from the beach instead of on the water.
Later that day, as Daniel was wandering through Hermosa Beach to meet Elizabeth for lunch, the migraine had gotten worse and worse. He was just about to turn and head back to his apartment where he could suffer in peace, when he saw a figure curled up on the sidewalk clutching her head in pain.
Eyes wide in fear, Daniel broke into a run towards where is sister was huddled.
That was when the screaming started.
The chaos that had been wreaked not just here in California, but across the world, when peoples mutations had started to present themselves, had passed both himself and Elizabeth by. They were busy trying to convince people they weren’t insane, just hearing voices.
When it became clear that they were suffering mutations that were slowly driving them crazy, help was very quickly given. Several months, and a lot of testing later (not that he really remembered) the doctors finally realised that he and Elizabeth were amplifying each others Telepathy.
They were split up in the hopes it would help.
Daniel missed his sister so much that it hurt. They had always been close, and the months of being forcibly torn apart, while struggling through their hells, had given him an even greater appreciation of the strength she had always given him.
He only hoped now he could return the favour.
A hand dropped down onto his shoulder, startling him out of his reverie. Looking over he offered a wan smile to his long time friend Sam Carter.
“You didn’t have to come with me.”
“I wanted to, plus you’re still not allowed to drive.” Her grin was forced; she had been a constant visitor while he had been in the hospital and knew how much he wanted to be here with his sister. Daniel didn’t want to think about where he would be without her friendship.
So many lives had been torn apart, his among them, but slowly she was helping him to put the pieces back together.
Today was just another piece.
Squaring his shoulders, he took a deep breath and moved towards the front doors.
And his sister.
******
The looks various staff shot him were full of incredulity; amazement that this man who, up until a few months ago, had been a gibbering mess in their care, came walking through the ward, back in control of his faculties. He didn’t really notice or care, he was too busy focussing on pushing back the rising noise in his head. The closer he got to her room, the harder it became.
Suddenly, he remembered a conversation between two of the doctors from not long before he had been moved.
“The closer they are, the worse it becomes”
He could control it though.
He had fought for this control, tested himself in every way he could think of.
He had to be strong enough.
Then he heard it, it wasn’t quite a scream, but he could hear the pain behind it.
Stopping dead in the middle of the hospital corridor, he brought his hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose in deep concentration, purposefully ignoring the concerned look Sam was shooting at him.
The noise was punctuated by a hiccup, then a soft voice echoing, barely discernable through his mental blocks and concentration.
*Daniel*
His head shot up, and he took off at a run towards the voice.
“Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth, look at me.”
The voice echoed in stereo for Daniel, as though he were hearing and thinking the words at the same time.
He cracked his eyes open, and forced himself to focus on the woman on the other side of the room. He watched with blurred vision as she shook her head, mumbling something under her breath that he couldn’t quite make out with his ears.
*too loud… too loud… too loud*
It came through in his mind loud and clear.
He heartily agreed.
He ran until he reached the door that held her name, slowing to a stop he reached out a hand, and traced his fingers along the nameplate.
He could hear her inside, speaking to someone or something; possibly him. Without asking for permission, his hand lowered and grasped the doorhandle. With a twist and a snick it opened.
For some reason he expected the hinges to creak.
Stepping across the threshold of the room, he turned his head trying to find her. He could still hear her voice mumbling incoherently somewhere to his left.
Turning and closing the door behind him, he looked over, and there in the corner she sat, her eyes squeezed shut. He could see tear tracks running down her face, her mouth moving with words he couldn’t hear.
Then he heard it.
*It’s too soon*
*Pretty, pretty stars*
*I can’t believe he’s back*
*Aliens abducted me*
*Too many*
*Charlie says*
*Too many*
*Macavity’s a ginger cat*
*Too many*
Clenching his fists, and bringing them up to his face, he attempted to block them all out.
“Daniel?”
“Daniel?”
“Daniel!”
The voice finally broke through, and he looked down at Elizabeth sitting there on the floor, her green eyes open wide, staring at him in disbelief.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was rough, Daniel wasn’t sure if it was from under or over use.
Taking the last few steps, he slid down the wall so they were shoulder to shoulder. Lifting his arm Daniel wrapped it around his sister’s shoulder, and pulled her towards him.
*Butt munch*
Her arm automatically snaked around his waist as she snuggled into his embrace.
*We’re a great big family*
“I came to see you”
*Don’t tell me to shut up!*
“How…?”
*It hurts*
“I was released a few days ago. I came as soon as I could”
Her shoulders started to shake, as the sobs wracked her body and tears soaked into his shirt.
*It’s not fair*
*I should be stronger*
*Why me*
*It’s not fair*
He could feel the pain radiating from her, mimicking the throbbing and screaming pulsing throughout his head, flowing down his neck in into his chest. It squeezed his heart and rolled around in his stomach before breaking out into waves along his limbs cramping into fingers and toes, but he knew it wasn’t real.
He wasn’t really in all that pain.
I wasn’t really real.
Daniel could feel it starting again. It had taken him months to make it stop, the phantom pain that came with the voices screaming and shouting in his head.
Why now.
*Please…..*
*Help me….*
His own eyes flooded with tears, as he heard, no, felt her plea. He wanted to help her more than anything.
He couldn’t.
He could barely help himself; even now he knew he had to leave. He couldn’t keep his mental walls up.
He hated himself for it.
Kissing her temple, he slowly extricated himself from her grip, and pushed up from the wall into a low crouch. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, he used his thumb to wipe away the tears still steaming down her face.
“I’m sorry.”
Standing, Daniel opened the door and walked out.
*Daniel*
He walked back down the corridor.
*Daniel*
He ignored Sam as she asked what had happened.
*Daniel*
He bypassed the elevators and ran down the stairs as fast as he dared.
*Daniel*
The further away he was, the clearer his mind became.
*Daniel*
The further away he was, the softer the voices got, the clearer her cries became.
*Daniel*
He burst through the front doors of the hospital and ran out into the sun.
*Daniel*
Collapsing down onto the grass, he sobbed. Strong arms wrapped around him and held him close. Sam had always been there, nearly as long as Elizabeth.
*DANIEL*
He leaned into his friend’s embrace, the solid thumping of her heart in his ear as he cried.
It wasn’t fair.
He didn’t want to do this.
*DANIEL*