Treading Darkly....
Time to be serious again. I havn't been posting much lately. I suppose that without a nemesis like holiday retail what I have to say becomes a bit harder to verbalize. It's been a strange couple of weeks. I've been thinking a lot about death lately. I know that's the sort of thing that people typically say when they're about to start off on some whole depressive "I hate life and I want to kill myself trip" but hear me out. With the holiday over and school not back in session yet I havn't really had much to occupy my thoughts. I've started to think more and more about what I'm doing and wether or not it matters and so on. And that line of questioning inevitably that brings me back to the big questions of life. The dilemmas of God and fate and intellect. And then that leads to questions about death and what lays beyond. Is there some part of us that keeps on going or does it just end? Amoungst my social group these are not things that are typically discussed. Most of my friends are devout atheists or very apatheticlly religious and will tend to openly mock anyone who holds to a belief system. And in many ways I agree with them. Ideoligies and beliefs should be dictated by reason and logic, not by insubstaintial hearsay. I've seen too much hypocracy and corruption amoung those who claim righteous beliefs it ever give myself over to one religious dogma. But with all I've seen In my life I can't just turn my back on all things spiritual like most of my peers. I have experienced within myself what I could only describe as spirit or soul. I've felt that move and change, be influenced by my interactions with other people and things. I've felt it stirred, expanded and enriched by the beauty I've been so privilged to experience in the natural world. And that is something that I cannot ignore. But I can't help but wonder if there are other explainations for my experience. The human mind is capable of producing extreme delusions and in some ways I feel that excepting this without question would be a great injustice to myself. With something as important as the nature of life and reality you can't afford to make assumptions. I have to view this whole process like a scientific study. Not jump to any conclusions, hold every conclusion up to meticulous scrutiny and try not to be afraid of the truth that I might find. So that's what's been on my mind lately. I'm sorry if this whole thing was a bit idealogically heavy. I'd love to hear all of your thoughts about these sorts of things if you feel comfortable commenting about them. I won't be suprised if you don't though. Religion is not something that anyone feels incredibly comfortable discussing. I'm going to go to sleep now but I shall leave you with one final thought. If you ever believe too strongly in any one thing, you close your mind to any new or possibly better idea that might bring that into question. Beliefs should be things that constantly change and evolve to fit the sum total of the ideas that you've acquired in your lifetime. Don't stop questioning or searching for the truth about life just because it's easier to do so.
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