ER and shit
ok so im finally feeling somewhat better. thank god. i went to the hospital monday night and was in the ER till about 4am. no fun at all. i had a IV and the took blood tests, urine tests, and x-rays. in the end they said everything checked out ok, my liver is slightly elevated, but she said i shouldnt worry about that. she says she thinks it is my birth control that is making me sick. so she suggested that i stop taking it and then get on a lower dose. so i stoped taking it yesterday and i feel better today. so thats good. ok off that subject. i have not seen kyle going on 4 days now. i miss him like crazy and i have been trying to get him to come over, but he has just always had something else come up. so ya i have been annoyed that he didnt even come see me while i was sick, hardly called. i dont have the energy to deal with this shit that is our relationship anymore. we only see eachother when i want to do something, and even then its a maybe. everything is maybe with him, he refuses to make ANY type of commitment with me. even something as simple and stupid as saying he will come over. he wont just say "hey ill come over after work" or "why dont you come over at 7" its always "maybe" It pisses me the FUCK off. we still are having sex, but he cant even tell me when he will see me, he acts like he doesnt want to see me. i just feel like shit, like im not worth his time, i dont feel wanted, and lets be honest, thats all a girl really wants is to feel wanted. well he knows i want to talk, and he says "ya hun we do" and then said "its not working out". HA whats not working for him, he gets EXACTLY what he wants. we are not boyfriend/girlfriend, we go on dates with eachother every so often. we have sex, we act like we are together, but he has all the freedom we want. he can not see me, without feeling bad, he gets all the good stuff. and he has the nerve to tell me its not working out and that he wants to stay friends, and that the reason its not working is because everything is always NEGATIVE. well im always sad because i have NO CONTROL over anything, he controls when we see eachother, he controls what we do and what we dont do. im always worried about how to act or what to say, because i dont wanna piss him off or ruin what we have. because as bad as it is and much as it sucks, every so often we have fun together. i love being with him, hugging, kissing whatever, just cuddling with him, i love it all. i love when he is serious with me, but he hardly ever is. he is ALWAYS turning everything into a joke. i cant deal with it anymore. it just hurts that he isnt trying to keep me, or anything. he isnt sad at all, he doesnt miss me, it just doesnt seem like he cares at all. but o well. i will meet someone great. someone who wants me, and loves me and wants to see me. I hope i meet someone, but i have never had a easy time geting guys. blah whatever wee will see.