Love without rules.
That is the latest in my 'Promises' - the little foil sayings wrapped around Dove chocolate Promises. I have one every other day at work, in the afternoon, when my patience and energy are flagging.
I save perhaps one saying a week; the best ones come from the caramel chocolates. They are lined up on my monitor shelf right now:
Love without rules.
Listen to your heartbeat and dance.
Remember your first everything.
Lose yourself in a moment.
Go against the grain.
They lead in a neat little line to my Samuel Beckett quote. I wonder sometimes what my boss thinks of my little collection on my desk - I know she despises clutter, so I imagine it just annoys her. But looking up from number crunching and reconciliations and conversations that make my blood boil to see that little parade makes me smile.
It also makes me think. Particularly this latest one, from yesterday's chocolate bite. Love without rules. Love, period, has been a subject much on my thoughts recently - do I throw that word around too much? Do I fall in love too easily with people, things, ideas? I have striven so hard to be myself in all things in life, since the big D. Am I succeeding? Am I loving without rules? In some ways, yes. More so than I ever have before. In others, I am not sure. I'd like to think yes. But there is still fear, the need to be certain, to not be 'lost in a moment', but to ensure that everything will go just like the careful script in my head.
It never does.
And that is okay.
These are sentences I need to learn to live with better. I need to follow through, be pushy, say what I mean when I mean it, and shut the hell up when I don't. Most of all, I need to stop worrying about being loved back. (or liked, or respected, or whatever you want to use - I personally like the word love in all its myriad meanings) There are many things and people I love: Some platonically, some romantically, some familially, some in ways that defy definition. I vow to let more of them know this more often. And in that spirit, a list:
Things:
Sunsets, pretty dresses, thunderstorms, architecture
Places:
Home, Downtown (In any major city: Dublin, SF, Philly, London, Amsterdam - I wish I could list more I have been to), the beach, the top of a mountain
Animals:
Malcolm, Ivan, Ariel, Cheyenne, Anabelle, Roany, Dunny, Titan, Shyloh, Bart (&c) Joey, Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday, Thorlina, Strawberry (&c.), Weenie, Screamer, Bandito, Casper, Jessie, Missy, Brutus
People:
Yeah, I'm not really making a list here. I'll forget someone. Friends, family, lovers, more friends....
I save perhaps one saying a week; the best ones come from the caramel chocolates. They are lined up on my monitor shelf right now:
Love without rules.
Listen to your heartbeat and dance.
Remember your first everything.
Lose yourself in a moment.
Go against the grain.
They lead in a neat little line to my Samuel Beckett quote. I wonder sometimes what my boss thinks of my little collection on my desk - I know she despises clutter, so I imagine it just annoys her. But looking up from number crunching and reconciliations and conversations that make my blood boil to see that little parade makes me smile.
It also makes me think. Particularly this latest one, from yesterday's chocolate bite. Love without rules. Love, period, has been a subject much on my thoughts recently - do I throw that word around too much? Do I fall in love too easily with people, things, ideas? I have striven so hard to be myself in all things in life, since the big D. Am I succeeding? Am I loving without rules? In some ways, yes. More so than I ever have before. In others, I am not sure. I'd like to think yes. But there is still fear, the need to be certain, to not be 'lost in a moment', but to ensure that everything will go just like the careful script in my head.
It never does.
And that is okay.
These are sentences I need to learn to live with better. I need to follow through, be pushy, say what I mean when I mean it, and shut the hell up when I don't. Most of all, I need to stop worrying about being loved back. (or liked, or respected, or whatever you want to use - I personally like the word love in all its myriad meanings) There are many things and people I love: Some platonically, some romantically, some familially, some in ways that defy definition. I vow to let more of them know this more often. And in that spirit, a list:
Things:
Sunsets, pretty dresses, thunderstorms, architecture
Places:
Home, Downtown (In any major city: Dublin, SF, Philly, London, Amsterdam - I wish I could list more I have been to), the beach, the top of a mountain
Animals:
Malcolm, Ivan, Ariel, Cheyenne, Anabelle, Roany, Dunny, Titan, Shyloh, Bart (&c) Joey, Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday, Thorlina, Strawberry (&c.), Weenie, Screamer, Bandito, Casper, Jessie, Missy, Brutus
People:
Yeah, I'm not really making a list here. I'll forget someone. Friends, family, lovers, more friends....