Mass Effect: 50 First Dates (2/2)
Title: 50 First Dates
Rating: R
Warning(s): Memory loss? Angst
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. Absolutely no profit is being made from this.
Summary: After living through the Thresher Maw incident in Akuze, John Shepard loses his short term memory and forever thinks it is 2173. Kaidan Alenko meets him and is determined to make Shepard fall in love with him, even if he has to do it every day.
Written as a fill for a prompt at the Mass Effect Kink Meme.
“Do you mind telling me exactly what is going on here, Alenko?” Admiral Anderson was absolutely fuming. Kaidan had never seen the man so angry. He tried to stand his ground, but could feel his shoulders beginning to hunch inwards.
“I don’t see the harm, really, sir. He can’t remember anything the next day. We were just talking.”
“You don’t know how difficult it is to make sure he doesn’t find out. How hard it is to keep him safe!” Anderson looked at Kaidan fiercely and shook his head. “You can’t just mess with him for a little bit of fun.”
“With all due respect, sir, it’s not just a little bit of fun to me. I care about him.” Kaidan shifted his weight. “Why don’t you ever try telling him?”
“We have tried, LT. Trust me. It never ends well. He’s angry that he’s missed so many years, so many things. He gets aggressive or depressed. And then the next morning it’s all for naught.” Anderson sighed and rubbed his forehead - all the steam seemed to run out of his fight. “What’s the point in causing him so much stress?”
“He has a right to know,” Kaidan said quietly. “He doesn’t deserve to be lied to every day; his entire life is a sham!”
“Listen, Alenko: Shepard is my responsibility. So do me a favor and leave him to me.” Anderson closed in so that he was infiltrating Kaidan’s personal space. He pressed his forefinger to Kaidan’s chest and glared at him. “I like you,” he said carefully, “Don’t make an enemy out of me.”
July 30th, 2178
Shepard wasn’t necessarily the type to go out the bar, get drunk in public and dance embarrassingly in front of complete strangers, but on this night, he felt rather careless about it all. He was angry with his father and angry with his mother for just letting the man treat his only child the way he did. He shot back another ounce of alcohol - he couldn’t remember what he had asked for, nor did he care - and cracked his neck. He had plans to get black out drunk and stand his father up tomorrow - see how much the man liked it. He ordered another shot and a drink to go with it, turning to look over the massive crowd of writhing bodies in front of him.
“Hey!” Someone came up to stand next to him, calling out as though the two of them had made plans to meet up. “How’s it going?” In the dim light of the club, he couldn’t see much of the person, but the man was attractive enough, well-built and a little taller than Shepard was. The man had a beer in his hand and was leaning against the bar in a languid manner that told Shepard he was probably just as intoxicated. “Come here often?” the stranger asked before sniggering, as though it was an inside joke the two of them shared.
“Do I know you?” Shepard asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Nope. But I know you,” the man said, reaching out to poke Shepard’s chest. “You’re Shepard.”
He downed his shot and picked up his drink, suddenly feeling sobered. “How do you know my name?” he asked, squinting and leaning forward so that he wouldn’t miss anything the stranger said in the din of the music.
The stranger made a face - he looked shocked, like a child who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “Every Alliance knows your name!” the man finally said.
“You’re Alliance?” he asked.
***
If you had asked him how it happened, Shepard wouldn’t have been able to tell you. But it probably was some combination of even more drinking, talking and grinding against each other to the heavy bass of the dance music. Somehow, he and the stranger had ended up in his apartment, mouthing each other’s skin and tugging clothes off in a flurry, pressing and pulling at each other as one or the other vied for dominance. Shepard’s back was pressed into the soft leather of his sofa and the stranger was astride him, one leg hanging over the edge of the seat, grinning down at him in a drunken state. John Shepard wasn’t the type to get wasted at a bar, and he certainly wasn’t the type to bring a stranger home for the night. But as the man atop him bent to lick just beneath his ear and his breath hitched in his chest, he wasn’t thinking about what kind of type he was.
August 2nd, 2178
Shepard rolled over in bed and groaned. His mouth was dry, his head was throbbing and he felt sick to his stomach - if he hadn’t known any better, he would have assumed that he had been out for a night of drinking. But Shepard hadn’t gone to a bar in a very long time - not any time in recent memory, anyways. He pushed himself up and grabbed his underwear off of the floor, pulled them on before padding out into the kitchen. He filled a glass with water and was raising it to his lips when someone came out of his bathroom.
“Shit…” the man whispered.
Shepard threw the glass of water at the man, but he dodged it and it shattered in a splay of water and glass shards against the wall. The man was wearing a rumpled shirt and pair of jeans - his hair was a mess and his eyes were blood shot. He looked like he had spent the night in Shepard’s apartment. “Who the fuck are you?” Shepard asked, immediately regretting the volume of his voice when his head ached. “And what are you doing in my apartment?” His voice was a little quieter as he opened a drawer and fumbled for a knife.
“Woah, woah,” the stranger held up his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m not here to hurt you. I can tell you what’s going on, but you’re going to have trust me a little, here, okay?”
“Why would I trust you?” Shepard asked, gripping the handle of a steak knife. “Some stranger comes out of my bathroom in the morning, I feel hung-over as shit and I don’t know what the Hell is going on? I’m not trusting you at all. You stay where you are.”
“Okay,” the stranger said, stepping back. “I’ll stay right here. Will you at least let me explain what’s going on? If you don’t believe me when I’m done, I’ll leave. I promise.”
“You’ve got five minutes,” Shepard said, but he didn’t release his grip on the knife.
“Okay, um…My name’s Kaidan Alenko, I met you about two months ago at a diner. We’ve run into each other a few times since then, but you never remember me because after an accident with a Thresher Maw, your short term memory doesn’t work. Admiral Anderson realized that I had been in contact with you and ordered me to leave you alone. So I did…but then, last night, we were both at that bar down the way and I was so drunk…” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Look, the short of it is, I fucked up. I disobeyed orders. You won’t remember this in the morning, though.”
Shepard stared quietly for a moment, his mouth hanging slightly open. Kaidan stared back, waiting for the man to say something. “Are you serious?” he finally asked quietly. A look of relief flashed quickly over Kaidan’s face before Shepard continued. “Did you think I was high last night, or something? Or do you just think I’m that stupid?” He lifted the knife so that Kaidan could finally see it. “I don’t know why you’re here, or what you want from me, but if you’re not out of my apartment in 5 seconds, I’m throwing this knife.” Kaidan didn’t move, he seemed rooted to the spot, but his eyes glared at Shepard with what seemed to be a blend of fear and anger. “Five,” Shepard said slowly and loudly. “I’m a good shot, Kaidan. Or maybe you already knew that about me? Four.” It was all the warning Kaidan needed. He made a beeline for the door and was out of the apartment before Shepard could finish his countdown.
Now that the stranger was gone (just because you know someone’s name doesn’t mean you know them) Shepard decided he would contact Anderson and find out what was really going on.
***
“You mean to tell me everything he said was true?” Shepard sat across from Admiral Anderson in the man’s office, fidgeting with the buttons on his fatigues. He was uncomfortable to say the least, he felt like his head was swimming with information and he couldn’t know what was true or what was a lie anymore. Overwhelmed couldn’t even begin to describe his emotional state and all he really wanted was to go to sleep and forget this all happened - because, apparently, he could do that now. But that’s not the type of person Shepard is…at least, it’s not the type of person he remembers being. He wondered absently, while Anderson was talking, if he’d changed in the last five years. Time is an opportunity for people to grow, but if for him, time hadn’t been moving…he wondered if he would be exactly the same person for the rest of his life.
“Shepard? Are you listening to anything I say?” He blinked up at Anderson and shook his head.
“Sorry sir, it’s just…a lot for me to take in.”
“I understand. We’ve been through this a few times before.” Anderson rubbed his forehead. “Damn it, I told Alenko to stay away from you.”
“I don’t really think it’s his fault, sir.” Shepard suddenly felt a pang of guilt. He had almost thrown a knife at a perfectly innocent man, and he would have done it without hesitation if Kaidan hadn’t left. But the man sounded like a stand-up guy from what Anderson had told him.
“I don’t care whose fault it was, it happened. And this causes you too much stress.”
“With all due respect sir, after the things you say I went through, I think a little stress isn’t going to kill me.” Shepard sat still in his chair and watched Anderson for a few moments. “Not that I don’t believe you, but do you think I could see the files for myself? It’s still all a little hard to believe…to take in.” He hoped Anderson would say yes, because he didn’t want to have to fight the man.
“Of course. I’ve got them here somewhere.” After setting Shepard up at the terminal with the vids, Anderson left the room under the guise of going to get some coffee, but Shepard was sure that it was to give him some sorely needed alone time.
October 10th, 2178
Shepard didn’t know what he was doing when he walked over to the stranger’s table - he didn’t know what had prompted him to ask the man if he could join him for breakfast. But after a couple hours of constant conversation and the best company he’d had in recent memory, he didn’t care about knowing. The stranger, Kaidan, was a biotic and in the Alliance just like him. His voice was soothing and even though his jokes were a little corny, Shepard couldn’t help laughing at almost everything he said.
“I think we’re going to get kicked out pretty soon,” Kaidan said with a quiet chuckle. “Want to get out of here?”
“You don’t have any plans today?” Shepard asked.
“No. Do you? I’d like to keep talking.” He offered a grin and moved to rise from the booth.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Shepard followed Kaidan out of the diner and waved back at the young waitress even though he didn’t know her. The walked down the sidewalk, side by side. “It’s so weird, I feel like I know you from somewhere.” He looked sideways at Kaidan and the man shook his head. “It’s like déjà vu, or something.”
“You ever been to the zoo here?” Kaidan asked, opting not to comment on Shepard’s statement.
“Nah. Never took the time.”
“We should go. Half of their animals are from Thessia.”
***
They had been at the zoo for hours before either one of them bothered to check the time. Children were running around with their respective family members, screaming and shrieking, oohing and aahing at the exhibits. “Shit,” Shepard commented, “it’s getting late. Should probably be going.”
“Yeah,” Kaidan said, maneuvering past a large family of Asari. “Why don’t you let me take you home?”
“Is that a request for an invitation?” Shepard raised an eyebrow but hoped Kaidan knew he was joking by his tone.
Kaidan laughed and turned a little pink as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah…let’s just say I wouldn’t say no.” They took a cab back to his apartment and he showed Kaidan in, sat him down on the sofa.
“Want a beer?” he asked, pulling two bottles out of the fridge without waiting for an answer.
“Sure, thanks.” Kaidan took the beer and grinned when Shepard sat down on the couch across for him.
“Um…look, Kaidan, I don’t usually bring random people home from diners. I’m not really sure what the…etiquette is on this one.” Shepard shrugged and took a swig of his beer. “Sorry.”
“Heh. That’s okay. I’m in the same boat right now. But, um, John, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. All day. It’s just…I was having such a good time and I didn’t want to spoil everything.”
“What is it?” Shepard felt a sudden tightness of anxiety in his chest. What the man sitting on his sofa a serial killer, or something? His hand itched to turn on his omni-tool, but he figured he should at least give the man a chance.
“I’ve met you before,” Kaidan said slowly.
“You have? I don’t remember you.”
“You wouldn’t,” he said, breathing heavily as though his words caused him pain.
“Why not?”
“You never do.” Kaidan’s brow creased and he rubbed his forehead. “Can I show you something?” Shepard nodded but didn’t move from his seat. Kaidan set his beer bottle down and turned on his omni-tool, raising a screen. He came over to where Shepard sat so that the man could see the screen better. He clicked a few keys and a vid came up on the screen. It was Shepard and Kaidan, but their clothing was different and they were both soaked through. It was pouring but they seemed to be standing under some sort of structure so it wasn’t raining on them. In the vid, Shepard leaned in and kissed Kaidan as they both laughed at each other.
Shepard turned to look quizzically at Kaidan. “There’s more,” the man said quietly, his voice thick and lower than usual. The next vid was of the two of them playing golf together, Kaidan was teaching Shepard how to stand (which was certainly believable, Shepard had always been awful at golf) and how to swing the club. There were multiple vid clips of them doing different things together.
“What is this?” Shepard asked. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”
Kaidan shook his head emphatically. “You have no short term memory, John. You were in a Thresher Maw attack about a year ago and you lost your short term memory. Every night when you fall asleep, you forget everything.”
“I…”Shepard leaned forward to rest his head on his hands. “I don’t know what to say…”
“Wait, I just want you to watch one more thing, and then I can go if you want me to.”
Shepard turned his face up to watch the screen, but stayed in his hunched position. Admiral Anderson’s face came on the screen. “Shepard,” he said, sounding ever the Admiral, “everything this man says is true. You’ve known each other for some time now. Call me if you need confirmation.”
“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Kaidan said, closing the screen and rising from where he had knelt on the floor. “I can go, if you want.”
“No…” Shepard reached out to grip the man’s wrist. “No, it’s okay.” He blinked at an awkward stinging behind his eyes. He looked up at the man who stood over him with barely concealed concern in his eyes. “So…every time we meet, you have to make me fall in love with you all over again?”
Kaidan laughed quietly and turned his hand awkwardly so that he could run his thumb over Shepard’s wrist. “Most of the time,” he smiled sadly. “Sometimes, you want nothing to do with me. Or when I show you the vids, you threaten to stab me.”
Shepard frowned. “Yeah, that sounds like me.” He looked up at Kaidan. “But not today.” He pulled on the man’s hand so that Kaidan was hovering over him, supporting his own weight on the armrest of the chair. Shepard used his free hand to grip the back of the man’s head, pulled him in even closer and pressed their lips together. It was a tentative kiss for the man, he knew - logically - that he knew this man well, that he should trust him, but it was still like kissing a stranger to him. Kaidan let out a quiet groan and his chest seemed to drop a little. Where Shepard was still gripping the man’s wrist, he could feel his pulse quicken slightly.
He opened his mouth and Kaidan’s tongue slipped over his lips, the man’s knees bent a little, bringing their bodies ever closer. Kaidan pulled back to take a breath. “John,” he murmured and reached for Shepard’s hand, pulling him to the couch so that they both had enough space to sit side by side. He dipped his head to kiss the line of Shepard’s jaw, hands roaming over the man’s ribs. Shepard wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, didn’t know where Kaidan liked to be touched. This man knew so much more about Shepard than Shepard knew about him. He must have stiffened or stopped kissing, because Kaidan pulled back.
“Is something wrong? Am I going too fast?” He let his hands fall so that they were resting on Shepard’s thighs.
“No…it’s just…I guess.” Shepard looked away and gritted his teeth, willed himself not to pink. “I don’t know where you’d like me to touch you.”
Kaidan let out a quiet chuckle. Shepard should have been angry at being laughed at, but it wasn’t derisive, it was more like Kaidan felt comfortable in his company, it was just a content sound. “Yeah,” he said, taking Shepard’s hands. “You say that a lot.” He put one hand on the back of his neck, where his hair line was. “I like being touched here,” he put another hand on his hip, “and here,” and then kissed one of Shepard’s hands. “And here.” He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Shepard’s body in a light hug, moved his hands up the man’s back before pulling them back down in a soothing motion. “It’s okay,” he murmured, so close to Shepard’s skin that the words tickled. “We can take our time, there’s no rush.”
Shepard tipped his head and tested the waters, nipped at the soft skin just under Kaidan’s ear. “I like that, too,” the man purred, gripping at the hem of Shepard’s shirt. He groaned into Shepard’s ear and they were so close that they could feel each other’s heart beats quickening. After a few seconds, he pulled back, still gripping the bottom of Shepard’s shirt. “Can I?” Shepard nodded and immediately after his shirt was removed, made to take Kaidan’s off. He pushed forward so that Kaidan had to lie back on the armrest of the couch and kissed the man again, hands moving over the man’s body, taking stock. He wondered, as he felt a fumbling hand move over his burgeoning erection, how many times this had happened. He was curious how well Kaidan knew his body, if every time was a new experience for both of them, or if Kaidan was tired of waiting for Shepard to catch up. He moaned and arched into the pressure of Kaidan’s palm and wondered why the man was here.
One of his feet dropped with a thump to the floor. Kaidan hissed and licked at his shoulder, hands slipping into his pants’ back pockets. Kaidan lifted his hips to press their crotches together and Shepard felt the man smile against his hot skin. “Stop me,” he whispered, “if this is too much for you. I won’t think any less of you.”
Shepard pulled back and shifted so that his was sitting just past Kaidan’s knees. “Kaidan, do me a favor,” he said, leaning down to undo the man’s zipper, “and shut up.”
Kaidan tilted his head back on the armrest and grinned, running his hands over Shepard’s short hair, sending tingles up the man’s spine. “I can do that,” he muttered. His eyes were closed and he lifted his hips so that Shepard could pull his pants off. The fact that Kaidan was still there, Shepard mused while tugging the man’s pants over his ankles, meant that he much really care about him. To be willing to put forth so much effort, to be willing to risk getting turned down often, it meant that Shepard must have been important to him. He moved back up and kissed the man’s lips slowly, sweetly.
“Let’s go to the bedroom,” he said, when Kaidan opened his eyes in surprise. He tugged the man off of the couch and led the way to his room, even though Kaidan had probably already been in it a few times. They fell onto the unmade bed in tandem, a jumble of limbs and nerves, the air between them thick with tension and want and other emotions that Shepard wasn’t sure had a name. They rolled over one another a few times before Kaidan moved to take off Shepard’s pants, grinning in appreciation as he did so.
“I know you won’t say it back, I don’t expect you to,” Kaidan said, hovering over Shepard’s prone form on all fours. He dipped his head so that Shepard wouldn’t see him blush, but the light was good enough in the bedroom that he could see the matching pink on the man’s neck. “But I love you, John.”
Shepard ran a hand through Kaidan’s hair, down his neck and hooked it in the man’s waistband. “I bet I love you, too,” he said, because it was the best he could give the man, and he felt like Kaidan deserved something more than just sex. Kaidan nodded and swallowed thickly before rolling over the side of the bed. He grabbed his pants and pulled something out of the pocket. When he rose back up, Shepard could see the small foil square in the man’s hand.
“Uh…I usually…top,” Kaidan grinned nervously. “But, whatever you want.” Usually? So there had been more than one time…quite a few, it sounded like. Shepard shook his head.
“Whatever works for us.” Kaidan nodded and slipped off Shepard’s shorts before pulling off his own, bent to kiss him again, hands skittering over his body. It felt like the man’s hands were shaking. Shepard gripped his wrists lightly, stopping him with a look. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Kaidan laughed quietly and glanced down to where their legs were intertwined, their chests heaving in a rhythm. “I only get one chance to do this right,” he said. “I want it to be perfect.” Shepard took the condom from him and opened the package, shaking his head.
“It’s the opposite,” he said, pushing back on Kaidan’s chest so that the man was sitting on Shepard’s shins. “You’ll have hundreds of chances, if you have your way.”
2183
When Shepard wakes, it’s in a room he doesn’t recognize at all. Above him is a large window that shows an inky blackness dotted with hundreds of stars - an endless sky. He’s alone and naked, but doesn’t feel hurt or even as though he’s in danger. The white duvet that he ensconced in is warm and soft, the pillows around his head smell of comfort. There’s a few data pads on the desk across from him and when he rolls over to get out of bed, he sees a wardrobe drawer. He pulls open the top and finds a stack of underwear with a paper note on top. It’s been a long time since he’s seen a handwritten note, but he picks it up because he recognizes his own handwriting on it. “Watch it. You love him. I promise.” He’s not sure what the message means, but as he’s pulling on a pair of black briefs, he sees a terminal that’s blinking green and walks over to it, decides to take the advice from himself. He clicks to play the vid.
Suddenly a face appears on the screen. He feels like it should be familiar, and there’s a stirring inside of him at the sight of the man’s face, but he can’t place the stranger. “Good morning, John,” the man says, grinning through the terminal. “I hope you slept well. As you can see, you’re not it your apartment anymore. The year is 2183 and you’re on the SSV Normandy, an Alliance warship. My name is Kaidan Alenko.” Shepard drops to his knees in front of the terminal but keeps watching. Kaidan’s voice continues talking as the screen shows vid clips and e-news with pictures of Shepard in the hospital. Something about Thresher Maw acid and memory loss. “We’re married, and your wedding band is right there,” Kaidan points out the side of the screen, and sure enough, the wedding band is sitting on the couch. “Put it on if you want to - but you don’t have to.” Kaidan’s face is replaced with a silent vid of the both of them.
They’re in their dress blues, standing together in front of a small crowd and Shepard can see that Anderson is officiating the ceremony. He reaches for the wedding band, but doesn’t put it on just yet. He’s got a lot to take in. “You’ve been promoted as well - it’s Commander now. And the Normandy’s a new ship. We’re taking her on a shakedown run to Eden Prime. Anderson is here, too - he’s happy to answer any questions you might have.” Kaidan’s face reappears and he’s smiling sweetly at Shepard. “So, get dressed, take your time. And when you’re ready, come down to the crew deck to meet everybody.” Shepard rises from the floor and touches his forehead. “And John,” Kaidan says quietly, leaning ever closer to the screen. “Don’t forget: I love you.”
Rating: R
Warning(s): Memory loss? Angst
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. Absolutely no profit is being made from this.
Summary: After living through the Thresher Maw incident in Akuze, John Shepard loses his short term memory and forever thinks it is 2173. Kaidan Alenko meets him and is determined to make Shepard fall in love with him, even if he has to do it every day.
Written as a fill for a prompt at the Mass Effect Kink Meme.
“Do you mind telling me exactly what is going on here, Alenko?” Admiral Anderson was absolutely fuming. Kaidan had never seen the man so angry. He tried to stand his ground, but could feel his shoulders beginning to hunch inwards.
“I don’t see the harm, really, sir. He can’t remember anything the next day. We were just talking.”
“You don’t know how difficult it is to make sure he doesn’t find out. How hard it is to keep him safe!” Anderson looked at Kaidan fiercely and shook his head. “You can’t just mess with him for a little bit of fun.”
“With all due respect, sir, it’s not just a little bit of fun to me. I care about him.” Kaidan shifted his weight. “Why don’t you ever try telling him?”
“We have tried, LT. Trust me. It never ends well. He’s angry that he’s missed so many years, so many things. He gets aggressive or depressed. And then the next morning it’s all for naught.” Anderson sighed and rubbed his forehead - all the steam seemed to run out of his fight. “What’s the point in causing him so much stress?”
“He has a right to know,” Kaidan said quietly. “He doesn’t deserve to be lied to every day; his entire life is a sham!”
“Listen, Alenko: Shepard is my responsibility. So do me a favor and leave him to me.” Anderson closed in so that he was infiltrating Kaidan’s personal space. He pressed his forefinger to Kaidan’s chest and glared at him. “I like you,” he said carefully, “Don’t make an enemy out of me.”
July 30th, 2178
Shepard wasn’t necessarily the type to go out the bar, get drunk in public and dance embarrassingly in front of complete strangers, but on this night, he felt rather careless about it all. He was angry with his father and angry with his mother for just letting the man treat his only child the way he did. He shot back another ounce of alcohol - he couldn’t remember what he had asked for, nor did he care - and cracked his neck. He had plans to get black out drunk and stand his father up tomorrow - see how much the man liked it. He ordered another shot and a drink to go with it, turning to look over the massive crowd of writhing bodies in front of him.
“Hey!” Someone came up to stand next to him, calling out as though the two of them had made plans to meet up. “How’s it going?” In the dim light of the club, he couldn’t see much of the person, but the man was attractive enough, well-built and a little taller than Shepard was. The man had a beer in his hand and was leaning against the bar in a languid manner that told Shepard he was probably just as intoxicated. “Come here often?” the stranger asked before sniggering, as though it was an inside joke the two of them shared.
“Do I know you?” Shepard asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Nope. But I know you,” the man said, reaching out to poke Shepard’s chest. “You’re Shepard.”
He downed his shot and picked up his drink, suddenly feeling sobered. “How do you know my name?” he asked, squinting and leaning forward so that he wouldn’t miss anything the stranger said in the din of the music.
The stranger made a face - he looked shocked, like a child who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “Every Alliance knows your name!” the man finally said.
“You’re Alliance?” he asked.
***
If you had asked him how it happened, Shepard wouldn’t have been able to tell you. But it probably was some combination of even more drinking, talking and grinding against each other to the heavy bass of the dance music. Somehow, he and the stranger had ended up in his apartment, mouthing each other’s skin and tugging clothes off in a flurry, pressing and pulling at each other as one or the other vied for dominance. Shepard’s back was pressed into the soft leather of his sofa and the stranger was astride him, one leg hanging over the edge of the seat, grinning down at him in a drunken state. John Shepard wasn’t the type to get wasted at a bar, and he certainly wasn’t the type to bring a stranger home for the night. But as the man atop him bent to lick just beneath his ear and his breath hitched in his chest, he wasn’t thinking about what kind of type he was.
August 2nd, 2178
Shepard rolled over in bed and groaned. His mouth was dry, his head was throbbing and he felt sick to his stomach - if he hadn’t known any better, he would have assumed that he had been out for a night of drinking. But Shepard hadn’t gone to a bar in a very long time - not any time in recent memory, anyways. He pushed himself up and grabbed his underwear off of the floor, pulled them on before padding out into the kitchen. He filled a glass with water and was raising it to his lips when someone came out of his bathroom.
“Shit…” the man whispered.
Shepard threw the glass of water at the man, but he dodged it and it shattered in a splay of water and glass shards against the wall. The man was wearing a rumpled shirt and pair of jeans - his hair was a mess and his eyes were blood shot. He looked like he had spent the night in Shepard’s apartment. “Who the fuck are you?” Shepard asked, immediately regretting the volume of his voice when his head ached. “And what are you doing in my apartment?” His voice was a little quieter as he opened a drawer and fumbled for a knife.
“Woah, woah,” the stranger held up his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m not here to hurt you. I can tell you what’s going on, but you’re going to have trust me a little, here, okay?”
“Why would I trust you?” Shepard asked, gripping the handle of a steak knife. “Some stranger comes out of my bathroom in the morning, I feel hung-over as shit and I don’t know what the Hell is going on? I’m not trusting you at all. You stay where you are.”
“Okay,” the stranger said, stepping back. “I’ll stay right here. Will you at least let me explain what’s going on? If you don’t believe me when I’m done, I’ll leave. I promise.”
“You’ve got five minutes,” Shepard said, but he didn’t release his grip on the knife.
“Okay, um…My name’s Kaidan Alenko, I met you about two months ago at a diner. We’ve run into each other a few times since then, but you never remember me because after an accident with a Thresher Maw, your short term memory doesn’t work. Admiral Anderson realized that I had been in contact with you and ordered me to leave you alone. So I did…but then, last night, we were both at that bar down the way and I was so drunk…” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Look, the short of it is, I fucked up. I disobeyed orders. You won’t remember this in the morning, though.”
Shepard stared quietly for a moment, his mouth hanging slightly open. Kaidan stared back, waiting for the man to say something. “Are you serious?” he finally asked quietly. A look of relief flashed quickly over Kaidan’s face before Shepard continued. “Did you think I was high last night, or something? Or do you just think I’m that stupid?” He lifted the knife so that Kaidan could finally see it. “I don’t know why you’re here, or what you want from me, but if you’re not out of my apartment in 5 seconds, I’m throwing this knife.” Kaidan didn’t move, he seemed rooted to the spot, but his eyes glared at Shepard with what seemed to be a blend of fear and anger. “Five,” Shepard said slowly and loudly. “I’m a good shot, Kaidan. Or maybe you already knew that about me? Four.” It was all the warning Kaidan needed. He made a beeline for the door and was out of the apartment before Shepard could finish his countdown.
Now that the stranger was gone (just because you know someone’s name doesn’t mean you know them) Shepard decided he would contact Anderson and find out what was really going on.
***
“You mean to tell me everything he said was true?” Shepard sat across from Admiral Anderson in the man’s office, fidgeting with the buttons on his fatigues. He was uncomfortable to say the least, he felt like his head was swimming with information and he couldn’t know what was true or what was a lie anymore. Overwhelmed couldn’t even begin to describe his emotional state and all he really wanted was to go to sleep and forget this all happened - because, apparently, he could do that now. But that’s not the type of person Shepard is…at least, it’s not the type of person he remembers being. He wondered absently, while Anderson was talking, if he’d changed in the last five years. Time is an opportunity for people to grow, but if for him, time hadn’t been moving…he wondered if he would be exactly the same person for the rest of his life.
“Shepard? Are you listening to anything I say?” He blinked up at Anderson and shook his head.
“Sorry sir, it’s just…a lot for me to take in.”
“I understand. We’ve been through this a few times before.” Anderson rubbed his forehead. “Damn it, I told Alenko to stay away from you.”
“I don’t really think it’s his fault, sir.” Shepard suddenly felt a pang of guilt. He had almost thrown a knife at a perfectly innocent man, and he would have done it without hesitation if Kaidan hadn’t left. But the man sounded like a stand-up guy from what Anderson had told him.
“I don’t care whose fault it was, it happened. And this causes you too much stress.”
“With all due respect sir, after the things you say I went through, I think a little stress isn’t going to kill me.” Shepard sat still in his chair and watched Anderson for a few moments. “Not that I don’t believe you, but do you think I could see the files for myself? It’s still all a little hard to believe…to take in.” He hoped Anderson would say yes, because he didn’t want to have to fight the man.
“Of course. I’ve got them here somewhere.” After setting Shepard up at the terminal with the vids, Anderson left the room under the guise of going to get some coffee, but Shepard was sure that it was to give him some sorely needed alone time.
October 10th, 2178
Shepard didn’t know what he was doing when he walked over to the stranger’s table - he didn’t know what had prompted him to ask the man if he could join him for breakfast. But after a couple hours of constant conversation and the best company he’d had in recent memory, he didn’t care about knowing. The stranger, Kaidan, was a biotic and in the Alliance just like him. His voice was soothing and even though his jokes were a little corny, Shepard couldn’t help laughing at almost everything he said.
“I think we’re going to get kicked out pretty soon,” Kaidan said with a quiet chuckle. “Want to get out of here?”
“You don’t have any plans today?” Shepard asked.
“No. Do you? I’d like to keep talking.” He offered a grin and moved to rise from the booth.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Shepard followed Kaidan out of the diner and waved back at the young waitress even though he didn’t know her. The walked down the sidewalk, side by side. “It’s so weird, I feel like I know you from somewhere.” He looked sideways at Kaidan and the man shook his head. “It’s like déjà vu, or something.”
“You ever been to the zoo here?” Kaidan asked, opting not to comment on Shepard’s statement.
“Nah. Never took the time.”
“We should go. Half of their animals are from Thessia.”
***
They had been at the zoo for hours before either one of them bothered to check the time. Children were running around with their respective family members, screaming and shrieking, oohing and aahing at the exhibits. “Shit,” Shepard commented, “it’s getting late. Should probably be going.”
“Yeah,” Kaidan said, maneuvering past a large family of Asari. “Why don’t you let me take you home?”
“Is that a request for an invitation?” Shepard raised an eyebrow but hoped Kaidan knew he was joking by his tone.
Kaidan laughed and turned a little pink as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah…let’s just say I wouldn’t say no.” They took a cab back to his apartment and he showed Kaidan in, sat him down on the sofa.
“Want a beer?” he asked, pulling two bottles out of the fridge without waiting for an answer.
“Sure, thanks.” Kaidan took the beer and grinned when Shepard sat down on the couch across for him.
“Um…look, Kaidan, I don’t usually bring random people home from diners. I’m not really sure what the…etiquette is on this one.” Shepard shrugged and took a swig of his beer. “Sorry.”
“Heh. That’s okay. I’m in the same boat right now. But, um, John, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. All day. It’s just…I was having such a good time and I didn’t want to spoil everything.”
“What is it?” Shepard felt a sudden tightness of anxiety in his chest. What the man sitting on his sofa a serial killer, or something? His hand itched to turn on his omni-tool, but he figured he should at least give the man a chance.
“I’ve met you before,” Kaidan said slowly.
“You have? I don’t remember you.”
“You wouldn’t,” he said, breathing heavily as though his words caused him pain.
“Why not?”
“You never do.” Kaidan’s brow creased and he rubbed his forehead. “Can I show you something?” Shepard nodded but didn’t move from his seat. Kaidan set his beer bottle down and turned on his omni-tool, raising a screen. He came over to where Shepard sat so that the man could see the screen better. He clicked a few keys and a vid came up on the screen. It was Shepard and Kaidan, but their clothing was different and they were both soaked through. It was pouring but they seemed to be standing under some sort of structure so it wasn’t raining on them. In the vid, Shepard leaned in and kissed Kaidan as they both laughed at each other.
Shepard turned to look quizzically at Kaidan. “There’s more,” the man said quietly, his voice thick and lower than usual. The next vid was of the two of them playing golf together, Kaidan was teaching Shepard how to stand (which was certainly believable, Shepard had always been awful at golf) and how to swing the club. There were multiple vid clips of them doing different things together.
“What is this?” Shepard asked. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”
Kaidan shook his head emphatically. “You have no short term memory, John. You were in a Thresher Maw attack about a year ago and you lost your short term memory. Every night when you fall asleep, you forget everything.”
“I…”Shepard leaned forward to rest his head on his hands. “I don’t know what to say…”
“Wait, I just want you to watch one more thing, and then I can go if you want me to.”
Shepard turned his face up to watch the screen, but stayed in his hunched position. Admiral Anderson’s face came on the screen. “Shepard,” he said, sounding ever the Admiral, “everything this man says is true. You’ve known each other for some time now. Call me if you need confirmation.”
“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Kaidan said, closing the screen and rising from where he had knelt on the floor. “I can go, if you want.”
“No…” Shepard reached out to grip the man’s wrist. “No, it’s okay.” He blinked at an awkward stinging behind his eyes. He looked up at the man who stood over him with barely concealed concern in his eyes. “So…every time we meet, you have to make me fall in love with you all over again?”
Kaidan laughed quietly and turned his hand awkwardly so that he could run his thumb over Shepard’s wrist. “Most of the time,” he smiled sadly. “Sometimes, you want nothing to do with me. Or when I show you the vids, you threaten to stab me.”
Shepard frowned. “Yeah, that sounds like me.” He looked up at Kaidan. “But not today.” He pulled on the man’s hand so that Kaidan was hovering over him, supporting his own weight on the armrest of the chair. Shepard used his free hand to grip the back of the man’s head, pulled him in even closer and pressed their lips together. It was a tentative kiss for the man, he knew - logically - that he knew this man well, that he should trust him, but it was still like kissing a stranger to him. Kaidan let out a quiet groan and his chest seemed to drop a little. Where Shepard was still gripping the man’s wrist, he could feel his pulse quicken slightly.
He opened his mouth and Kaidan’s tongue slipped over his lips, the man’s knees bent a little, bringing their bodies ever closer. Kaidan pulled back to take a breath. “John,” he murmured and reached for Shepard’s hand, pulling him to the couch so that they both had enough space to sit side by side. He dipped his head to kiss the line of Shepard’s jaw, hands roaming over the man’s ribs. Shepard wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, didn’t know where Kaidan liked to be touched. This man knew so much more about Shepard than Shepard knew about him. He must have stiffened or stopped kissing, because Kaidan pulled back.
“Is something wrong? Am I going too fast?” He let his hands fall so that they were resting on Shepard’s thighs.
“No…it’s just…I guess.” Shepard looked away and gritted his teeth, willed himself not to pink. “I don’t know where you’d like me to touch you.”
Kaidan let out a quiet chuckle. Shepard should have been angry at being laughed at, but it wasn’t derisive, it was more like Kaidan felt comfortable in his company, it was just a content sound. “Yeah,” he said, taking Shepard’s hands. “You say that a lot.” He put one hand on the back of his neck, where his hair line was. “I like being touched here,” he put another hand on his hip, “and here,” and then kissed one of Shepard’s hands. “And here.” He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Shepard’s body in a light hug, moved his hands up the man’s back before pulling them back down in a soothing motion. “It’s okay,” he murmured, so close to Shepard’s skin that the words tickled. “We can take our time, there’s no rush.”
Shepard tipped his head and tested the waters, nipped at the soft skin just under Kaidan’s ear. “I like that, too,” the man purred, gripping at the hem of Shepard’s shirt. He groaned into Shepard’s ear and they were so close that they could feel each other’s heart beats quickening. After a few seconds, he pulled back, still gripping the bottom of Shepard’s shirt. “Can I?” Shepard nodded and immediately after his shirt was removed, made to take Kaidan’s off. He pushed forward so that Kaidan had to lie back on the armrest of the couch and kissed the man again, hands moving over the man’s body, taking stock. He wondered, as he felt a fumbling hand move over his burgeoning erection, how many times this had happened. He was curious how well Kaidan knew his body, if every time was a new experience for both of them, or if Kaidan was tired of waiting for Shepard to catch up. He moaned and arched into the pressure of Kaidan’s palm and wondered why the man was here.
One of his feet dropped with a thump to the floor. Kaidan hissed and licked at his shoulder, hands slipping into his pants’ back pockets. Kaidan lifted his hips to press their crotches together and Shepard felt the man smile against his hot skin. “Stop me,” he whispered, “if this is too much for you. I won’t think any less of you.”
Shepard pulled back and shifted so that his was sitting just past Kaidan’s knees. “Kaidan, do me a favor,” he said, leaning down to undo the man’s zipper, “and shut up.”
Kaidan tilted his head back on the armrest and grinned, running his hands over Shepard’s short hair, sending tingles up the man’s spine. “I can do that,” he muttered. His eyes were closed and he lifted his hips so that Shepard could pull his pants off. The fact that Kaidan was still there, Shepard mused while tugging the man’s pants over his ankles, meant that he much really care about him. To be willing to put forth so much effort, to be willing to risk getting turned down often, it meant that Shepard must have been important to him. He moved back up and kissed the man’s lips slowly, sweetly.
“Let’s go to the bedroom,” he said, when Kaidan opened his eyes in surprise. He tugged the man off of the couch and led the way to his room, even though Kaidan had probably already been in it a few times. They fell onto the unmade bed in tandem, a jumble of limbs and nerves, the air between them thick with tension and want and other emotions that Shepard wasn’t sure had a name. They rolled over one another a few times before Kaidan moved to take off Shepard’s pants, grinning in appreciation as he did so.
“I know you won’t say it back, I don’t expect you to,” Kaidan said, hovering over Shepard’s prone form on all fours. He dipped his head so that Shepard wouldn’t see him blush, but the light was good enough in the bedroom that he could see the matching pink on the man’s neck. “But I love you, John.”
Shepard ran a hand through Kaidan’s hair, down his neck and hooked it in the man’s waistband. “I bet I love you, too,” he said, because it was the best he could give the man, and he felt like Kaidan deserved something more than just sex. Kaidan nodded and swallowed thickly before rolling over the side of the bed. He grabbed his pants and pulled something out of the pocket. When he rose back up, Shepard could see the small foil square in the man’s hand.
“Uh…I usually…top,” Kaidan grinned nervously. “But, whatever you want.” Usually? So there had been more than one time…quite a few, it sounded like. Shepard shook his head.
“Whatever works for us.” Kaidan nodded and slipped off Shepard’s shorts before pulling off his own, bent to kiss him again, hands skittering over his body. It felt like the man’s hands were shaking. Shepard gripped his wrists lightly, stopping him with a look. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Kaidan laughed quietly and glanced down to where their legs were intertwined, their chests heaving in a rhythm. “I only get one chance to do this right,” he said. “I want it to be perfect.” Shepard took the condom from him and opened the package, shaking his head.
“It’s the opposite,” he said, pushing back on Kaidan’s chest so that the man was sitting on Shepard’s shins. “You’ll have hundreds of chances, if you have your way.”
2183
When Shepard wakes, it’s in a room he doesn’t recognize at all. Above him is a large window that shows an inky blackness dotted with hundreds of stars - an endless sky. He’s alone and naked, but doesn’t feel hurt or even as though he’s in danger. The white duvet that he ensconced in is warm and soft, the pillows around his head smell of comfort. There’s a few data pads on the desk across from him and when he rolls over to get out of bed, he sees a wardrobe drawer. He pulls open the top and finds a stack of underwear with a paper note on top. It’s been a long time since he’s seen a handwritten note, but he picks it up because he recognizes his own handwriting on it. “Watch it. You love him. I promise.” He’s not sure what the message means, but as he’s pulling on a pair of black briefs, he sees a terminal that’s blinking green and walks over to it, decides to take the advice from himself. He clicks to play the vid.
Suddenly a face appears on the screen. He feels like it should be familiar, and there’s a stirring inside of him at the sight of the man’s face, but he can’t place the stranger. “Good morning, John,” the man says, grinning through the terminal. “I hope you slept well. As you can see, you’re not it your apartment anymore. The year is 2183 and you’re on the SSV Normandy, an Alliance warship. My name is Kaidan Alenko.” Shepard drops to his knees in front of the terminal but keeps watching. Kaidan’s voice continues talking as the screen shows vid clips and e-news with pictures of Shepard in the hospital. Something about Thresher Maw acid and memory loss. “We’re married, and your wedding band is right there,” Kaidan points out the side of the screen, and sure enough, the wedding band is sitting on the couch. “Put it on if you want to - but you don’t have to.” Kaidan’s face is replaced with a silent vid of the both of them.
They’re in their dress blues, standing together in front of a small crowd and Shepard can see that Anderson is officiating the ceremony. He reaches for the wedding band, but doesn’t put it on just yet. He’s got a lot to take in. “You’ve been promoted as well - it’s Commander now. And the Normandy’s a new ship. We’re taking her on a shakedown run to Eden Prime. Anderson is here, too - he’s happy to answer any questions you might have.” Kaidan’s face reappears and he’s smiling sweetly at Shepard. “So, get dressed, take your time. And when you’re ready, come down to the crew deck to meet everybody.” Shepard rises from the floor and touches his forehead. “And John,” Kaidan says quietly, leaning ever closer to the screen. “Don’t forget: I love you.”