Fic: Somewhere Only We Know (3/?)
Title: Forever Enough
Chapter Rating: PG
Warning(s): Semi-homophobia
Summary: Kurt and Blaine have to figure out where to go with the information Kurt has expounded. Christmas is close at hand.
Disclaimer: I know that these characters belong to someone else. But there is not enough of that show for me! So I had to take them and force my bidding upon them. No copyright infringment intended.
Blaine cocked his head to the side slightly, and thought for a minute before responding to the much unexpected news. "Kurt, are you sure that's what you want? I mean, you've never said anything about it before." The world around them had melted away; it was as though he was in a bubble, just Kurt and him. He didn't notice their agitated neighbours, who were quickly growing more and more agitated by the conversation that was taking place. He didn't notice the coffee between the two of them growing cold. All Blaine saw, felt, heard was Kurt.
"I've been thinking about it. I don't know for sure if it's what I want. I mean I think I want it. But this is a decision that will really affect both of us. I need to talk this through with you. I know now wasn't the best time to bring it up, but I was just thinking You have to tell him! And it kind of….came out. Oh, Blaine. I'm so confused right now." Kurt pulled his hand away and dropped his face into both of his hands, moaning with frustration. He had been internally struggling with this for years; he wasn't sure if his femininity was just that, or if it was something more. Was he born in the wrong body? As he got older, it started to bother him more and more often and he knew that he would have to talk to Blaine about it at some point. If Kurt was a woman, he feared Blaine may leave him.
"Hey," Blaine knew the tears beginning to pool and reached out to gently stroke Kurt's arm with a fingertip. "It's going to be okay, we'll figure this out, I promise. We'll go home and we'll talk about it, and if you really want this, we'll find a doctor to talk to about it." Kurt looked up and Blaine wiped at a tear before smiling. "We'll figure this out together."
"Would you leave me?" His voice cracked and his chin began to quiver.
"No! I was just so scared you were going to leave me! I love you, honey. Something so insignificant and gender would not make me leave you." Kurt let out a strangled laugh before taking a sip of his coffee. Blaine leaving him had been the largest fear regarding the sex change. If he had Kurt with him, he could make it through anything. He could handle be abused with other peoples words or opinions, but he needed Blaine, who had always been his touchstone through it all. "I think we should go and get your dad's watch, and then go back to the house. We can talk about this more in private."
Kurt nodded and the two of them stood, clasped hands, and left just before the barista could come over and ask the two young men to leave, since they were agitating all of the other customers. "I know that took a lot of courage, Kurt. Thank you for talking to me about it."
Kurt could find his words, but nodded. He turned into a jeweller's. "Help me pick a nice one out - but one that he'll wear more often than just when we visit." Kurt wiped the last of the tears from his cheeks as one of the staff members came over.
"Is there anything I can help you gentlemen find today?" she asked politely.
"I'm looking for a watch to give my father for Christmas. He's a car mechanic, so I want something that he can wear a fair amount of the time. You know, something that looks nice but that won't fall apart. Can I see your selection?" The lady led Kurt over to the display case.
"I'll be right back," Blaine said suddenly, "I forgot something in the car." Kurt nodded, focussed now on the watches in front of him.
"Are you sure he'll like it? It's not too...me?" Kurt asked as he wrapped the brown leather box in bright melamine paper. The boys had returned home after picking up a few extra stocking stuffers around the mall and grabbing lunch. Carole had left a note that she had to run out and get some groceries, Burt was working his last day at the shop before he shut down for the holidays, and Finn and Rachel were doing their final Christmas shopping as well. The family had decided to see a movie together that night, so until they all got home, Kurt and Blaine were filling their time wrapping gifts and talking. Kurt hadn't had the courage or the energy to bring the sex change up again, but he knew that he would have to eventually, or Blaine would do it for him.
"I think he'll love it Kurt, it's a perfect combination of style and functionality. You did a good job." He watched from the bed as Kurt finished wrapping the gift. "What did you get me for Christmas?"
"I haven't fallen for that in years, what makes you think it's going to work now?"
"One day, when we're both old and senile, I'll ask you what you got me for Christmas and you'll tell me. It'll happen, just you wait."
"How will I remember what I got you if I'm senile?" Kurt laughed but realized the implication of what Blaine had said. They would be together forever. Well, at least as long as they were both alive, which was all the forever Kurt needed anyways. They could grow old together and maybe even have children. Kurt swallowed at the unexpected lump in his throat and finished wrapping his dad's gift before setting on the dresser and crawling into bed with Blaine. He put his hand under Blaine's shirt; felt the warm skin of his chest and beating of his heart. "I love you so much." He laid his head down next to his hand, felt Blaine's arm wrap around his waist, and light kiss landed on the crown of his head.
"Me too." Sleep consumed both of them, and they didn't wake up until Burt knocked on the door.
"You two had better not be doing anything freaky in there."
Kurt woke first, and replied, still tangled in the sheets and Blaine, from the bed. "And just what is your description of freaky?" Blaine yawned and stretched before getting up to open the door.
"We were just taking a nap."
"Well dinner's ready so come on down and eat up. Then we'll leave for the movie."
"Why did someone decide that when it is coldest out, we should have a holiday for which we have to go outside to cut down a tree?" Kurt was huddling in his jacket, a scarf wrapped around his face, muffling his voice. Blaine grabbed him from behind and tried to warm him up.
"We're almost done Kurt," Burt told him, rubbing his hands together, "besides; this is supposed to be fun! Quit your whining." Everybody laughed as Burt teased his son.
"Well, I am also looking forward to getting in where it's warm," Rachel chimed in. "I can't believe how cold it is out here." Finn smiled at her, pulling her close under her arm.
Carole turned to Burt and smiled at him. "Isn't it so nice to have everyone here? One happy family." He nodded at her - there were times when Burt hadn't been sure if this was in his future, a whole family, smiling and laughing, doing things together - like picking out a tree and decorating it in front of a fire, with Christmas music playing. He had wanted that life for Kurt so bad, but he hadn't always seen it in their future. Carole, Finn and Kurt had all been blessings for him. He leaned over to kiss her as the tree was being brought over.
"Okay sir, we can tie it to your car while you go pay over there." The two teens pointed to a small table with a man sitting at it.
"Kurt, why don't you go pay for it," he handed his wallet to his son, "I'll stay here and make sure that it's done correctly." The teens holding the tree sighed so quietly, it was barely noticeable. But it was Burt's car, and he would be damned if they were going to mess something up on it.
The tree had been transferred to the living room with little difficulty. Burt lit the fire while the kids when downstairs, each bringing up a box of Christmas decorations. When Carole and Finn had moved in, there was some difficulty amalgamating the two families Christmas traditions, but harder than that was fitting all of their decorations on the tree. It was always a full tree every year, no matter how big of one Burt tried to find. Still, it was their tree, and that was what mattered. It took a few hours to trim the tree, but the kids were all singing with the Christmas music, everyone enjoying everyone's company. Once they were done, exhaustion overtook them, it had been a long day, from baking cookies in the morning to finding a place on the mantle for Rachel's new stocking - Carole knew that she was Jewish and so it was white with gold and blue. Kurt loved Carole so he never said that he definitely would not have made it that way.
Drained, Burt and Carole headed to bed first, wishing the kids a good night. "Be good," Burt said, mostly to the boys, as he headed upstairs behind his wife.
"I'm pretty tired, too," Rachel yawned. "Finn, will you drive me home, please? I'm too tired to drive all that way."
"But that means I'll have to pick you up in the morning, too. It's Christmas, I want to sleep in…"
"Finn…" she smiled at him and pulled him off the couch. "Please?"
He sighed and grabbed his coat, "Okay, let's go."
"Goodnight Kurt. Goodnight Blaine. I'll see you tomorrow morning." She waved at them before Finn pushed her out the door.
As soon as it clicked shut, Blaine turned to Kurt. "So, I think we should talk about this sex change thing now." He grabbed his boyfriend's hand. "When did you start thinking about it?"
"I don't know," Kurt shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, I've been considering it since before we graduated - I'm just…girly. Don't you think I would make a better girl?"
"Kurt, I told you I would love you no matter what. And I meant it. It you want a sex change, I will support you and do everything I can to help you. But! If you're just doing this because you don't think you make a good man that is no reason to get it done. Do you feel like you should be a woman? Do you feel like you're in the wrong body?"
Kurt was getting frustrated and uncomfortable, and Blaine could tell. The man's eyes were shifting around, looking everywhere in the room, except at him. He was starting to fidget and sweat a little, even though the room was a comfortable temperature. "I don't know."
"Well, I think you and I definitely need to go see a councillor about this. I don't know everything about it, but I know if you're just concerned about the kind of man you are…well, that's not necessarily a reason to get it done."
"I wish I could just see into the future. Then I would know what was supposed to happen."
Blaine laughed quietly. "Well that's a paradox."
"Hm?"
"If you could see the future, and you were a woman, well then you would decide that you needed to get the surgery, because you were a woman in the future, but if you never saw it, you might never make the decision to get the change done, even if you were supposed to be a woman in the future."
"Blaine, I'm too tired for your crazy talk. Take me to bed."
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