Well...
Wow, it has been a hard 2 days. Yesterday after work I went to Mr. Agrusso’s viewing. My stomach was in knots at the end of my work day just thinking about going. A part of me wanted to because it was my chance to say goodbye, and a part of me didn’t because I knew it would be so hard to see him in that casket. I went with my mom and we met Erika and Monica outside. It was amazing to see how many people were there and had been there earlier. Everyone cried and laughed and comforted each other. I loved talking to Mr. Agrusso’s sister. She was so sweet and talked and acted so much like him, for a little bit, it was almost like he was there again. I finally mustered up the strength to talk to his wife. I told her that my fondest memory was when I went to Mr. Agrusso with a personal problem I had and he told me exactly what I needed to hear. We both cried and she hugged me and told me that she could tell I had a big and gracious heart. That meant so much.
Today Mike and I went to the funeral together. Before it started I went up to the casket and said my last prayer and goodbye and saw him for the last time. I lost it so many times during the mass, but I needed to. I went to the cemetery so I know where he’s buried. I’ll probably be visiting there at least once a year. After I got home though, I just sat there and thought, “Now what?” I feel so lost, alone, and abandoned right now, and I’m not exactly sure why. I guess Mr. Agrusso made a bigger impact on my life than I had originally thought. I just feel like a part of my heart has been torn away, and I truly feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. This is a weird and scary feeling. Maybe after a good night’s sleep I’ll feel better. I would love to dream about Mr. Agrusso; it would make me feel good to hear his voice and laugh again. What am I going to do without them?
Today Mike and I went to the funeral together. Before it started I went up to the casket and said my last prayer and goodbye and saw him for the last time. I lost it so many times during the mass, but I needed to. I went to the cemetery so I know where he’s buried. I’ll probably be visiting there at least once a year. After I got home though, I just sat there and thought, “Now what?” I feel so lost, alone, and abandoned right now, and I’m not exactly sure why. I guess Mr. Agrusso made a bigger impact on my life than I had originally thought. I just feel like a part of my heart has been torn away, and I truly feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. This is a weird and scary feeling. Maybe after a good night’s sleep I’ll feel better. I would love to dream about Mr. Agrusso; it would make me feel good to hear his voice and laugh again. What am I going to do without them?