#07: Artist's Date
Title: Artist Date
When: Sunday, March 16 around 3pm
Description: Sitting on the couch
Rating: G
Warnings: none
The house is finally quiet. I am just a guest here, but the family treats everyone like they belong. Everyone has gone out on errands, but I didn’t want to go, choosing instead to relax on the couch. I never used to be like this. I used to want to ride along for the adventure… play along with the kids and the intense adults as they celebrate the day. It is a strange holiday, the opposite of everything the rest of the world believes in. They give instead of take back. They want to make you feel welcome instead of excluding you. It doesn’t always work. I say “they” because right now, I don’t feel like I belong. I am so tired of trying. Now, sitting snuggled under my coat, I just want to be alone.
If I could start over, where would I begin? Most people know where their lives went astray, but I think my life was a series of bad decisions. Maybe not “bad” because some people think I made the best decisions. Different people for my different choices, of course. That’s what I thought, through out all my stages. TV still displays my biggest decision as great and sparkly and an automatic path to success. Let me tell you, it’s not. I guess that’s one thing I would take back. OK, don’t go to NYU. Would that fix everything? Of course not. Would I be where I am now? Probably not. No, I take that back. I am only where I am now because of my regrets.
What if I went back earlier? I never really chose my path in high school, and maybe that was part of the problem. I never really lived. So maybe I should change something later. What about not traveling halfway across the world? I don’t regret that. I met some of my best friends in that strange, magical place. Maybe when I came back. Yes, I probably should have stopped to think a little before I settled for Brooklyn.
Now I am stuck. The only escape is not realistic, but I live in that dream. I can’t change one thing without changing everything. And do I really want to change? I don’t know. I just wonder why this choice has to be so hard.
When: Sunday, March 16 around 3pm
Description: Sitting on the couch
Rating: G
Warnings: none
The house is finally quiet. I am just a guest here, but the family treats everyone like they belong. Everyone has gone out on errands, but I didn’t want to go, choosing instead to relax on the couch. I never used to be like this. I used to want to ride along for the adventure… play along with the kids and the intense adults as they celebrate the day. It is a strange holiday, the opposite of everything the rest of the world believes in. They give instead of take back. They want to make you feel welcome instead of excluding you. It doesn’t always work. I say “they” because right now, I don’t feel like I belong. I am so tired of trying. Now, sitting snuggled under my coat, I just want to be alone.
If I could start over, where would I begin? Most people know where their lives went astray, but I think my life was a series of bad decisions. Maybe not “bad” because some people think I made the best decisions. Different people for my different choices, of course. That’s what I thought, through out all my stages. TV still displays my biggest decision as great and sparkly and an automatic path to success. Let me tell you, it’s not. I guess that’s one thing I would take back. OK, don’t go to NYU. Would that fix everything? Of course not. Would I be where I am now? Probably not. No, I take that back. I am only where I am now because of my regrets.
What if I went back earlier? I never really chose my path in high school, and maybe that was part of the problem. I never really lived. So maybe I should change something later. What about not traveling halfway across the world? I don’t regret that. I met some of my best friends in that strange, magical place. Maybe when I came back. Yes, I probably should have stopped to think a little before I settled for Brooklyn.
Now I am stuck. The only escape is not realistic, but I live in that dream. I can’t change one thing without changing everything. And do I really want to change? I don’t know. I just wonder why this choice has to be so hard.