(Untitled)

[cowboy_newsie]

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[BACKDATED ALSO to September 18th]

[atrumcanis]

[As soon as he hears the news about Ahiru-- well, Sirius doesn't bother with replying or saying anything. He goes straight to look for Jack--not that he's left his side overmuch since abandoning him. And God, that thought still hurts, but he doesn't linger there.

He starts with the firehouse, moving from room to room, quietly, looking for Jack.]

[cowboy_newsie]

[He's up in his room, sitting in the window, his arm half-curled around a thick book.]

Hi.

[atrumcanis]

[He pauses on the threshold, just for a second, considering Jack--and then he crosses into the room, moving to sit beside him.]

Hi.

[cowboy_newsie]

[He leans against him, slipping beneath his arm.]

[atrumcanis]

[He pulls Jack closer without hesitating, adjusting accordingly. There's a moment of quiet.]

We'll do something.

[cowboy_newsie]

[He shakes his head. If Sirius listens closely, he can hear a stifled gasp, a shuddering breath.]

[atrumcanis]

[His throat works, hard; his eyes narrow--he tightens his hold on Jack's shoulders. But only for a moment, because the next moment, he's twisted about so that he can catch Jack in an embrace, fierce, protective.]

[cowboy_newsie]

[He's cried over Ahiru before; he couldn't help it. But it's different with Sirius. With Sirius, he can truly let go, because he knows it's okay, that the other won't judge him. They've cried in front of each other before-- when David died, when Remus disappeared, when Edgeworth died. It's okay.

So he sobs, one hand clinging to Sirius' shirt tightly, the book falling to the floor with a loud clatter.

Eventually, he pulls back long enough to speak.]

You can't-- you can't leave, Sirius, you can't, I can't-- please. Please, don't leave me. Everyone I've ever loved is gone, you're the only one left--

[atrumcanis]

[He pulls Jack back toward him, doing his best to cut him off, to muffle him--to comfort him, at the same time, to keep him there--and as much to keep himself against Jack, to remind himself that he's here, that he came back.

He means leave for good, forever, but it's difficult to hear that voice over the other: you're good for nothing, and you only ever hurt your friends--

He wraps his hands around Jack's shirt, pulling him closer.]

I won't. I swear, Jack, I swear to God-- [It's all right, he wants to say, but it isn't, and the words stick in his throat, and there's a dull ache somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach that he can't ignore.]

I won't leave, Jack.

[cowboy_newsie]

[It's hard to be assured by that, even though he knows Sirius means it; it's hard to take comfort in those words, because Ahiru didn't want to leave but she did; David didn't want to die but he did, so what's to stop Sirius?]

You can't know that.

[atrumcanis]

It's different.

[He tightens his grip on Jack, staring hard at the wall opposite.]

I did it once, Jack. I won't fucking do it again. I swear.

[cowboy_newsie]

[He stiffens a little, his eyes closing tightly.]

And what if the Core takes you? Or me?

[atrumcanis]

We go together. We go together, and the Core can go hang, because there's no fucking way that I'll be separated from you, not now, now ever.

And if-- [But he doesn't want to bring up that if, he doesn't even want to think about it himself.] I'll find you. Whatever happens, I'll come after you, I'll find a way. I swear.

[cowboy_newsie]

[He nods once, falling silent for a few minutes.]

You're . . . you're the most important person to me.

[atrumcanis]

[He stares at the wall a moment longer, throat working. After a pause, roughly:]

Yeah. And you're mine. [And it's true. It's not the same as it was with James--was, is; does that little difference even matter?] And that's why I'm not leaving.

[cowboy_newsie]

[He sighs and sits up, wiping his eyes.]

I'm gonna miss the hell outta her.