Family?
Tonight or technically this morning...i kinda feel angry and alone....two emotions that don't work well together....I feel them for mostly the same reason. I have a track meet today...first hammer competition of the season for me...basically its my time to shine considering i bit the big one during the weight throw...I was excited because my Dad and possibly Nana were gonna come down and watch me throw....then this week my brother got arrested...again....for violating his parole by drinking....what a retard...well my dad chose visiting him and seeing what is going on over coming to watch me compete. I mean..sure its sorta important to know whats going on...but in actuality...we all know he is just gonna be in there for a while now....i sorta feel shafted...and i know the possibility of him coming to another meet after this is slim...considering i already invited him to all of them and he shot it down because its camping season...i even invited him to parent appreciation night for track...and he said he didn't want to pay the money, and its camping season...i know where i sit on his priority list...nothing knew i guess...he was always the first to leave when i was younger...take the high road.....My mom was drunk again tonight, even more yesterday...fucking pisses me off to no end....she needs to grow the fuck up and learn to just deal with life, life sucks just fucking deal with it!...I'm alone tonight because Farrah forgot she was working..i built up a hope to see her all weekend and this wends she remembers she has to work and didn't take it off..ill still see her...but it leaves me lonely tonight....also i called Nana but didn't get to talk to her..i was hoping she would make me feel better...i think she was watching TV too loud...ill talk to her tomorrow...she seemed sad on the phone yesterday when i told her what happen to Steve cause my mom didn't (prolly didn't remember cause it happened at nine and she was passed out by then)....man...i really am the black sheep of the family....usually that is a bad thing...but i guess in my case its a good thing...i think my issue is that i care too much...and i just keep getting let down....i get so excited for my dad to come watch me throw...then i just get ignored...i feel like this has been happening a lot w/them (my family[besides Nana]...so after a long rough cold wet day..i sit here angry and alone...