(no subject)
okay, this is a reply to Lesley's ( http://www.livejournal.com/users/daveyluver/ ) latest post. But she'll probably have another six down by the time I finish writing it, but oh well.. I'm just kinda afraid that her mom or Tanna might accidentally stumble on her journal and see this, lol.
okay, next time someone's hitting on your mom, here's whatcha do..
1. When he starts coming on to you or your mom, act like your dad. And not really YOUR dad, sitting there looking scary but staying quiet, but some guy that's like mean and defensive and like "GRRRR I'M GONNA KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH ASS BASTARD FUCK HEAD YOU'RE GONNA GET IT SO HARD YOUR MOM'S GONNA FEEL IT" sort of thing.
..or..
2. Act like your mom. Describe your mother to this guy, from the 400+ lbs. to the missing toes, including the thinning, greasy, stringy hair, constant smoking, lack of showers and the fact that she ONLY GETS UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. And the talking with her teeth out. Then mention that she's getting older and older.. and has no money. And maybe that she doesn't even remember what sex was like.
And.. the next time anyone starts hitting on YOU.. well, there's a number of things you can do.
1. tell him you're eleven years old and your dad's a cop.
2. tell him you're a gay man.. and proceed to hit on him.
3. be your own boyfriend.
4. be your own dad.
5. say things like "u" "ok" "kool" or "kewl" "ur" "r" and, well, you already screw up your yours and your theres. And a gazillion exclamation points after everything. "WOW UR A GUY?!?!?!?! O KOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Just keep that up, as bad as you can.. I mean, "U" can, and then ask him things about boy bands. I know you know enough shit to successfully scare a guy away, just put that useless knowledge to work.
6. coax his full name out of him and then look it up on the internet. Get as much crap as you can and then recite it all back to him. This seriously freaks people out. Ask Alan if you don't believe me.
and 7. if all else fails, threaten him with Sally. this also works:
A Brown Crayon (6:25:29 PM): ..
A Brown Crayon (6:25:35 PM): :::throws Sally at you:::
syxtfour (6:25:40 PM): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
syxtfour (6:26:10 PM): -gets inside a Sally-proof room and then faints-
see? a slow, painful death for your horny stalkers.
okay, next time someone's hitting on your mom, here's whatcha do..
1. When he starts coming on to you or your mom, act like your dad. And not really YOUR dad, sitting there looking scary but staying quiet, but some guy that's like mean and defensive and like "GRRRR I'M GONNA KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH ASS BASTARD FUCK HEAD YOU'RE GONNA GET IT SO HARD YOUR MOM'S GONNA FEEL IT" sort of thing.
..or..
2. Act like your mom. Describe your mother to this guy, from the 400+ lbs. to the missing toes, including the thinning, greasy, stringy hair, constant smoking, lack of showers and the fact that she ONLY GETS UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. And the talking with her teeth out. Then mention that she's getting older and older.. and has no money. And maybe that she doesn't even remember what sex was like.
And.. the next time anyone starts hitting on YOU.. well, there's a number of things you can do.
1. tell him you're eleven years old and your dad's a cop.
2. tell him you're a gay man.. and proceed to hit on him.
3. be your own boyfriend.
4. be your own dad.
5. say things like "u" "ok" "kool" or "kewl" "ur" "r" and, well, you already screw up your yours and your theres. And a gazillion exclamation points after everything. "WOW UR A GUY?!?!?!?! O KOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Just keep that up, as bad as you can.. I mean, "U" can, and then ask him things about boy bands. I know you know enough shit to successfully scare a guy away, just put that useless knowledge to work.
6. coax his full name out of him and then look it up on the internet. Get as much crap as you can and then recite it all back to him. This seriously freaks people out. Ask Alan if you don't believe me.
and 7. if all else fails, threaten him with Sally. this also works:
A Brown Crayon (6:25:29 PM): ..
A Brown Crayon (6:25:35 PM): :::throws Sally at you:::
syxtfour (6:25:40 PM): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
syxtfour (6:26:10 PM): -gets inside a Sally-proof room and then faints-
see? a slow, painful death for your horny stalkers.