(no subject)
ok guys its time to get sappy again. ive been doing so good at playing 'hard to get'. but he is my weakness and its getting harder as the days go by weather i see him or not. i don't know what to do. i don't know what he's thinking. well, here come the tears again. im trying sooo hard to be strong right now and as every day goes by but i dont know how much more of a stronger person i can be. i either need him in my life or completly out of it. i so badly want him in it and i can tell that most times he feels the same way but i don't know whats stopping him . its so hard to be 'just friends' with someone that you are sooo in love with and want soo badly to be with. god, just looking at him .... the answer that everyone gives me is " u'll be fine..everything will be ok" im sick of those answers but i know that there isn't anyother answer to give. all i want for christmas is him but only for the right reasons and that that is what he wants too. my heart and soul can only handle so much.. i can't keep sitting and waiting..waiting for a phone call or waiting for him to show up. im falling again and i don't want to be in that situation again. i just wish he knew what i was feeling and thinking!! no matter how hard i try i can't let go cuz he is still holding on. but i don't think he will admit it. like i said before "if you don't want to be with me...then let me go" time will not change anything. thats already been proven. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! i need to go do my homework and go to bed. that way i can dream and not be haunted by him. every thought and every second is of him.."the one true love that you can't let go". i think this is why i say i want to be single the rest of my life. if we don't end up back together i don't want to try again and i honestly mean it. that is how much i care about him and love him. if only he knew and felt the same way.