Brigit's Flame Entry -- WEEK 1; SEPT 09

[covenmouse]

THEME:   PARASITE

Noise swells against my ears like the heartbeat of the ocean. His breath is hot against my cheek; I turn my head to listen and His voice is the distant song of whales. Bubbles break from the gaping maw pressed to my ear. Across the beaten, beer-soaked table, His friends are laughing.

A fat tube of rubber skin settles across

Comments

[jlly_coppercorn]

The imagery in this is really tangible. Even not knowing where it comes from the reader can feel everything being expressed; the isolation, the fear and the surrender. It's good - really, really good.

[covenmouse]

X3 thank you

[covenmouse]

Thank you and glad to be here! ^_^ It's a really fun community

[covenmouse]

XD I'm glad you stuck with it--it is a little strange, I admit. Glad you liked it!

Editor reporting in!

[astraevirgo]

Hi! My name is Kate, and I am one of your editors this week. Is there anything you'd like me to focus on? Characterization, plot, description, that sort of thing? I like to check in before I read carefully, to make sure the author is getting something out of the edit. :D

Re: Editor reporting in!

[covenmouse]

:O Oh thank you so much! mm.. Mostly sentence flow and misspellings, I think? There's a couple things, like the capitalization of Him (He/His/etc) that I did on purpose, though I've noticed that I missed one instance of it. XD Most of the punctuation was flubbed on purpose, so unless it's really weird you'll probably want to save yourself the headache of it. Thank you again! It's really great of you to offer your help like this.

[andmydog]

Oh, I like this. I like this a lot.

[covenmouse]

<33

ETA: also, icon love.