sooo bored....
I don't know what it is, but lately I have just been sooo incredibly bored. I don't do anything which could probably have something to do with it. I don't go to class anymore, IVC or WHS, and I am just fucking myself over. I think I have a case of ADHD because I can't sit still for more than 20 seconds. I think I have mono too because I sleep all the time and even if I got a sufficient amount of sleep, I think I would still be tired. What the hell is wrong with me? Sometimes I just sit and wonder what the hell I do....My mom tells me that once I go into college next year, that I will probably become some stoner because I can just sit around and stare into space for hours...she has a point. I mean I know I shouldn't say this, but that will probably happen. I will just sit there, get high, and just run my life into the ground...what is with all this depression in me? I mean things in my life haven't been that great, but for once I haven't cried in like over a week, which is good for me. I hate showing my emotions though. It sucks because I don't want anyone to think I am weak or a girlie-girl. I don't even show my best friends how I feel, I don't know why, but I am always putting up that god-damn shell. It's not good because I know that I am going to have another nervous breakdown like I did earlier this year. I have so much inside of me, but nobody should know, because why burden them you know? I mean people always say "oh its ok you can tell me" but I konw they are just saying it to make me feel better, but sometimes it makes me feel worse. Bianca and Hakan are probably the only ones who I have truly let in, although that makes me have sooo much hatred for myself. Like why do I do this? Ugh...I can't stand this! I just want to graduate, go to college, fuck up but not too much, and then find my future husband, get my MRS. degree and have my four kids and white picket fence. Sadly, I don't want to do anything with my life, just be a home maker and take care of my kids and my husband. I think I could be a really caring person like that.
Anyways, enough depression and thinking, there is a countdown for only 6 days until my birthday! God I can't wait...although I have to go through so many of my friends birthdays in the next couple of days...oh well, as long as my friends are happy, I don't really care about my birthday! I love being able to spend time with my friends knowing that we are truly happy hanging out and having a good time. As long as everyone around me is happy, it makes me happy :)...ok I am done for now...I will write more later.
Anyways, enough depression and thinking, there is a countdown for only 6 days until my birthday! God I can't wait...although I have to go through so many of my friends birthdays in the next couple of days...oh well, as long as my friends are happy, I don't really care about my birthday! I love being able to spend time with my friends knowing that we are truly happy hanging out and having a good time. As long as everyone around me is happy, it makes me happy :)...ok I am done for now...I will write more later.