she cant find her place shes loosin her faith theres no place to go to dry her eyes shes lost inside
have you ever had these deep thoughts formulating in your head and wanted to share them with someone but had no one to share them with or just didnt want to bcuz the person you would share them with just wouldnt understand you? at some point in my life i hope ill realize fully that no one will ever completely understand me. myself included. i just wish i could stop trying to make it happen all the time.
yet another day has gone by where im not good enough for my mother. im not nice enough and im not organized enough and im not old enough to move out and im not smart enough but im not wquite dumb enough either im just at that stage where she doesnt want to talk to me. im not a good enough daughter and im not quiet enough. she yelled at me. she told me that she wanted me to stop breathing. in front of kelly at that. and once kelly was gone. everything is my fault and i need to fix my problems. christy had the same ones. shes off her antidepressants bcuz shes getting a test done soon medically and it will affect her results so all of a sudden im not doing anything right. the only problems are those of my own. im not even happy enough for her. im being punished for an illness that shes genetically passed on to me.
im tired of these tears and pretending nothings wrong all the time and im tired of no one getting it and im tired of being add and being depressed and being a shitty daughter and a shitty sibling and a shitty student and a shitty friend and a shitty girlfriend. and a shitty Christian. can i even use those two words together? hypocritical yes but i guess it fits just fine. no wonder you like me. every flaw i have is the same of your mothers. hypocracy. tough love. inability to trust, to believe. i want to leave and never come back.
i need a job. i still cant find my book. not that i could see the pages through this anyway.
the end.
yet another day has gone by where im not good enough for my mother. im not nice enough and im not organized enough and im not old enough to move out and im not smart enough but im not wquite dumb enough either im just at that stage where she doesnt want to talk to me. im not a good enough daughter and im not quiet enough. she yelled at me. she told me that she wanted me to stop breathing. in front of kelly at that. and once kelly was gone. everything is my fault and i need to fix my problems. christy had the same ones. shes off her antidepressants bcuz shes getting a test done soon medically and it will affect her results so all of a sudden im not doing anything right. the only problems are those of my own. im not even happy enough for her. im being punished for an illness that shes genetically passed on to me.
im tired of these tears and pretending nothings wrong all the time and im tired of no one getting it and im tired of being add and being depressed and being a shitty daughter and a shitty sibling and a shitty student and a shitty friend and a shitty girlfriend. and a shitty Christian. can i even use those two words together? hypocritical yes but i guess it fits just fine. no wonder you like me. every flaw i have is the same of your mothers. hypocracy. tough love. inability to trust, to believe. i want to leave and never come back.
i need a job. i still cant find my book. not that i could see the pages through this anyway.
the end.