Things to Consider Before Becoming a Vampire
In the interest of full disclosure, I should probably begin by saying I haven’t seen any of the Twilight movies - in fact, I’ve only read the first book. I know, I know, it’s totally embarrassing, and borders on unacceptable: I call myself a teen author, yet I haven’t read three quarters of the biggest thing to hit teen lit since maybe ever. I have watched every episode of the Vampire Diaries - some of them more than once - and I’m only two degrees of separation from the vampires on that show because in real-life I know Steven R. McQueen, the guy who plays Jeremy (his mom is my friend). Despite my repeated requests, I haven’t been able to get any inside information about what’s going to happen in Season 2 - beyond the fact that it will blow my mind, and that much I already knew.
Anyway, I wanted to write about the conversation my sister Alyssa and I had tonight. It started because I told her that I am planning to dye my hair dark brown. This may come as a surprise to you. It certainly surprised Alyssa. I have long been the blonde in the family. I'm far from being white-blonde, but my hair is definitely lighter than everyone else's. Then the other night I went to Teen Author Reading Night because Alyssa was reading, and as I watched her on stage, I kept noticing her hair. She’s always had good hair, but Wednesday night it was like I was looking at it for the first time. There it was - lovely, and perfect, and dark. I wanted it too; since we’re sisters, it’s just not fair that she gets it and I don’t. I went home and felt sad about my hair until I realized I could bring a picture of Alyssa to the salon and ask them to make mine the same color. “I’m intrigued,” Alyssa told me when I reported my plan to her. “Our skin tone is kind of different, so I wonder how it will look. Maybe you should go a shade lighter than mine.”
“No, I want it to be just like yours,” I told her. “If I don’t like it, I can always go back to blond.” That reminded us both about the dream I had when I was younger, that when you stopped growing, your hair also stopped growing. I shudder every time I think about it. “Aren’t you glad that doesn’t happen?” I said.
Alyssa said yes, she was. But she said the exception would be if you change your hair and then turn into a vampire. It wouldn’t grow again, and you’d be stuck with it for life - for more than life, for forever, because vampires never die, unless they’re staked through the heart. “Like Ashley Greene,” she said. “She’s really beautiful and she has great hair, but in Eclipse she had this short wig on, and it’ll never grow out and get better because she’s a vampire and she’s stuck with it.”
“But she could still dye her hair, right?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Alyssa said. “I’ve never seen a vampire’s hair change colors.”
“So the moral of the story is, if you’re going to turn into a vampire, make sure you have a good haircut and that your hair is the color you want it to be,” I said.
“Right,” Alyssa said. “Like you know how Bella wants to be turned.”
“No,” I said.
“Well, she does,” Alyssa said. “That’s like the whole point of Twilight, because she wants to be with Edward. I think she should base her timing on her hair.”
“If I hate my hair when it’s darker, I’ll just make sure to stay human until I change it back to blond.”
“Yeah, but most people can’t control it. Like Vicky from Vampire Diaries didn’t know she was going to turn, so it was just lucky for her that she had good hair at the time. You should also work out and be healthy and just look your best, because you’d be stuck with your body, too.”
We went on for a little while about my hair and whether it would be a good idea to dye it after all. I suddenly remembered that I’d considered dyeing my hair dark brown a few years back, maybe about a decade ago. I’d seen a picture in a magazine of Winona Ryder, and I called my friend Mary and said something like, “Winona Ryder is short and has dark hair it looks pretty on her, so don’t you think it would look pretty on me?” (I don’t know what her height had to do with her hair, but it seemed relevant at the time.) Mary said no. She was so opposed to the idea that I bagged it and stayed blond and forgot about it. Now I really want to try it out - Mary’s living in the Midwest for the next few months so if it looks awful I can change it back before she comes home and she’ll never be the wiser. It’s just the vampire issue.
Also I’m teaching at Writopia this week, and I’m reticent to show up with blond hair on one day and then dark hair the next. For some reason, changing hair color midweek in front of my students seems uncouth. I’m going to see if the colorist has a slot on Friday afternoon. If I hate it and I’m crying and miserable, I can change it back on Saturday, and just do my best to avoid any and all vampires in between.
I’m not going to post pictures of my new hair unless I really like it. Also, I know this is dumb, but I’m wondering if the conversation with Alyssa was a sign that I shouldn’t change my hair anyway.
Anyway, I wanted to write about the conversation my sister Alyssa and I had tonight. It started because I told her that I am planning to dye my hair dark brown. This may come as a surprise to you. It certainly surprised Alyssa. I have long been the blonde in the family. I'm far from being white-blonde, but my hair is definitely lighter than everyone else's. Then the other night I went to Teen Author Reading Night because Alyssa was reading, and as I watched her on stage, I kept noticing her hair. She’s always had good hair, but Wednesday night it was like I was looking at it for the first time. There it was - lovely, and perfect, and dark. I wanted it too; since we’re sisters, it’s just not fair that she gets it and I don’t. I went home and felt sad about my hair until I realized I could bring a picture of Alyssa to the salon and ask them to make mine the same color. “I’m intrigued,” Alyssa told me when I reported my plan to her. “Our skin tone is kind of different, so I wonder how it will look. Maybe you should go a shade lighter than mine.”
“No, I want it to be just like yours,” I told her. “If I don’t like it, I can always go back to blond.” That reminded us both about the dream I had when I was younger, that when you stopped growing, your hair also stopped growing. I shudder every time I think about it. “Aren’t you glad that doesn’t happen?” I said.
Alyssa said yes, she was. But she said the exception would be if you change your hair and then turn into a vampire. It wouldn’t grow again, and you’d be stuck with it for life - for more than life, for forever, because vampires never die, unless they’re staked through the heart. “Like Ashley Greene,” she said. “She’s really beautiful and she has great hair, but in Eclipse she had this short wig on, and it’ll never grow out and get better because she’s a vampire and she’s stuck with it.”
“But she could still dye her hair, right?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Alyssa said. “I’ve never seen a vampire’s hair change colors.”
“So the moral of the story is, if you’re going to turn into a vampire, make sure you have a good haircut and that your hair is the color you want it to be,” I said.
“Right,” Alyssa said. “Like you know how Bella wants to be turned.”
“No,” I said.
“Well, she does,” Alyssa said. “That’s like the whole point of Twilight, because she wants to be with Edward. I think she should base her timing on her hair.”
“If I hate my hair when it’s darker, I’ll just make sure to stay human until I change it back to blond.”
“Yeah, but most people can’t control it. Like Vicky from Vampire Diaries didn’t know she was going to turn, so it was just lucky for her that she had good hair at the time. You should also work out and be healthy and just look your best, because you’d be stuck with your body, too.”
We went on for a little while about my hair and whether it would be a good idea to dye it after all. I suddenly remembered that I’d considered dyeing my hair dark brown a few years back, maybe about a decade ago. I’d seen a picture in a magazine of Winona Ryder, and I called my friend Mary and said something like, “Winona Ryder is short and has dark hair it looks pretty on her, so don’t you think it would look pretty on me?” (I don’t know what her height had to do with her hair, but it seemed relevant at the time.) Mary said no. She was so opposed to the idea that I bagged it and stayed blond and forgot about it. Now I really want to try it out - Mary’s living in the Midwest for the next few months so if it looks awful I can change it back before she comes home and she’ll never be the wiser. It’s just the vampire issue.
Also I’m teaching at Writopia this week, and I’m reticent to show up with blond hair on one day and then dark hair the next. For some reason, changing hair color midweek in front of my students seems uncouth. I’m going to see if the colorist has a slot on Friday afternoon. If I hate it and I’m crying and miserable, I can change it back on Saturday, and just do my best to avoid any and all vampires in between.
I’m not going to post pictures of my new hair unless I really like it. Also, I know this is dumb, but I’m wondering if the conversation with Alyssa was a sign that I shouldn’t change my hair anyway.