THE MARRIAGE REF: Phoebe vs. Donovan. Please Vote.
I’ve only seen one episode of that new show The Marriage Ref - the episode with Madonna, of course. Here is what I understand of the show: Video footage is shown of a couple having a disagreement about something truly inane - I remember one about a wife dressing up a pet iguana, much to her husband’s chagrin. The three celebrity panelists decide which spouse is more right -- or less wrong (if I remember correctly, Madonna sided with dressing up the iguana), and then the Marriage Ref himself declares a winner.
The other day I was having brunch with a dear friend and she started recounting a story about a broken air conditioner. Midway through her tale, it occurred to me that she had a perfect case for The Marriage Ref. Not having the ability to actually get her on the show, I offered to do the next best thing: write about it on my blog, and submit it to vote by my readers. Shockingly, she was way into the idea. I agreed to change the names - so for purposes of this post, my friend is Phoebe and her husband is Donovan. (Both of those names were inspired by Friends; Phoebe is obvious, and Donovan is for Tate Donovan, who once guest-starred on the show.)
So this is what happened: Phoebe and Donovan are both super hard-working people with super high-powered jobs. They live in an apartment in New York City, and a few months back, their bedroom air conditioner broke. Now, it’s important to know that Phoebe likes to sleep in a room that it so frigid that you can see your breath when you breathe. We all have our things about which we’re ridiculously high maintenance, and that’s her thing. If the room is a regular temperature, or God forbid balmy, she has a meltdown - get it? Meltdown! Also, this was their third air conditioner to break; the two previous times, she had dealt with the removal of the old, and the purchase and installation of the new (notably, the air conditioner needs to be installed into the wall, not the window, so it needs to be done professionally). This time around, she told Donovan it was his turn to handle the air conditioner. Actually, I think she said something along the lines of “Why do I have to do everything myself?” - though she admitted to me that he deals with the laundry and dry cleaning. He said he would take care of it.
This was in February, when Phoebe, in the absence of a working air conditioner, could still open the window to make her room bitterly cold. But the days and weeks were ticking by. Spring had sprung. Admittedly, the living room air conditioner still worked, but even Donovan admits it does nothing to cool the bedroom, and it’s not like Phoebe wanted to sleep on the couch through the summer. Phoebe says she nagged Donovan five times - she said she would do it herself (she probably repeated the whole, “Why do I have to do everything myself?” line) and he said, No, no, stop nagging, I’ll take care of it. But last month was April, it had still not been taken care of, and Phoebe said this: “You know how this works. We’re going to wake up one day and it’ll be 80 degrees. If we don’t have a new air conditioner by then, I will kill you. I’m serious.”
Lo and behold, on Friday Phoebe woke up, wiped a sticky strand of hair from her forehead, and turned on the TV. The forecast said the thermometer in New York would reach nearly 90 on Saturday. She turned to Donovan and told him his time was up. He was required to purchase an air conditioner THAT DAY, he was required to pay whatever exorbitant extra fee it cost to have it delivered THAT DAY, and he was required to leave the apartment key with the doorman so that whoever delivered the air conditioner could go upstairs and install it THAT DAY. Donovan said, “I am not comfortable granting a stranger access to our apartment. I’ll order the air conditioner and pay to have it rushed, but you have to come home to meet the delivery.” Phoebe said she would do her best to be there, but he should leave the key just in case - like him, she doesn’t have the kind of job that’s easy to leave in the middle of the day.
I’m not sure if this part of the debate was ever resolved. They each went to work at their respective offices. An hour or so later, Phoebe received word that a new air conditioner had been purchased. Donovan said he was very sorry, but it wouldn’t be delivered until Monday. Two nights in a sticky apartment seemed interminable, so Phoebe finally did take matters into her own hands: She went to the Home Depot website and purchased one of those portable air conditioners, just to get her through the weekend. With tax and same-day delivery, the bill came to $500.
Later that night, Phoebe and Donovan met back at their apartment, and the doorman told them there was a package. “Great! My portable air conditioner!” Phoebe exclaimed. Donovan, however, was less than thrilled. After all, he’d already bought a brand new air conditioner that would be installed on Monday, and she could’ve slept in the living room for two days. (Phoebe maintains that Donovan had expressly agreed to a temporary air conditioner during one of their prior discussions - before the replacement had been ordered, he had said she could buy one, or buy a bunch of fans, so she did not see the need to consult him before spending the $500. In the interest of full disclosure, Donovan has neither confirmed nor denied this particular claim.)
I suggested that Donovan could’ve turned this whole thing around and been really romantic about it - he could’ve booked them in some swanky, well air-conditioned hotel for the weekend, and then Phoebe wouldn’t have had to buy a temporary air conditioner; though Phoebe pointed out the tab for a swanky hotel in New York City would likely exceed $500. Anyway, I realize I’m coming at this from a biased point of view, so you be the judge. Of the Marriage Ref. Or actually the celebrity panel. What do you think? Was the $500 justified? Are you in Camp Donovan or Camp Phoebe?
(I just read over this entry and it sounds like they have a really messed up marriage. You gotta trust me: they’re a great team. It’s just this air conditioner. Forget religious views and whether you want kids, it’s air conditioning that can bring a person to her knees. Clearly, they need your help.)
Once votes are tallied, I will let Phoebe and Donovan know who is right and who is wrong.
The other day I was having brunch with a dear friend and she started recounting a story about a broken air conditioner. Midway through her tale, it occurred to me that she had a perfect case for The Marriage Ref. Not having the ability to actually get her on the show, I offered to do the next best thing: write about it on my blog, and submit it to vote by my readers. Shockingly, she was way into the idea. I agreed to change the names - so for purposes of this post, my friend is Phoebe and her husband is Donovan. (Both of those names were inspired by Friends; Phoebe is obvious, and Donovan is for Tate Donovan, who once guest-starred on the show.)
So this is what happened: Phoebe and Donovan are both super hard-working people with super high-powered jobs. They live in an apartment in New York City, and a few months back, their bedroom air conditioner broke. Now, it’s important to know that Phoebe likes to sleep in a room that it so frigid that you can see your breath when you breathe. We all have our things about which we’re ridiculously high maintenance, and that’s her thing. If the room is a regular temperature, or God forbid balmy, she has a meltdown - get it? Meltdown! Also, this was their third air conditioner to break; the two previous times, she had dealt with the removal of the old, and the purchase and installation of the new (notably, the air conditioner needs to be installed into the wall, not the window, so it needs to be done professionally). This time around, she told Donovan it was his turn to handle the air conditioner. Actually, I think she said something along the lines of “Why do I have to do everything myself?” - though she admitted to me that he deals with the laundry and dry cleaning. He said he would take care of it.
This was in February, when Phoebe, in the absence of a working air conditioner, could still open the window to make her room bitterly cold. But the days and weeks were ticking by. Spring had sprung. Admittedly, the living room air conditioner still worked, but even Donovan admits it does nothing to cool the bedroom, and it’s not like Phoebe wanted to sleep on the couch through the summer. Phoebe says she nagged Donovan five times - she said she would do it herself (she probably repeated the whole, “Why do I have to do everything myself?” line) and he said, No, no, stop nagging, I’ll take care of it. But last month was April, it had still not been taken care of, and Phoebe said this: “You know how this works. We’re going to wake up one day and it’ll be 80 degrees. If we don’t have a new air conditioner by then, I will kill you. I’m serious.”
Lo and behold, on Friday Phoebe woke up, wiped a sticky strand of hair from her forehead, and turned on the TV. The forecast said the thermometer in New York would reach nearly 90 on Saturday. She turned to Donovan and told him his time was up. He was required to purchase an air conditioner THAT DAY, he was required to pay whatever exorbitant extra fee it cost to have it delivered THAT DAY, and he was required to leave the apartment key with the doorman so that whoever delivered the air conditioner could go upstairs and install it THAT DAY. Donovan said, “I am not comfortable granting a stranger access to our apartment. I’ll order the air conditioner and pay to have it rushed, but you have to come home to meet the delivery.” Phoebe said she would do her best to be there, but he should leave the key just in case - like him, she doesn’t have the kind of job that’s easy to leave in the middle of the day.
I’m not sure if this part of the debate was ever resolved. They each went to work at their respective offices. An hour or so later, Phoebe received word that a new air conditioner had been purchased. Donovan said he was very sorry, but it wouldn’t be delivered until Monday. Two nights in a sticky apartment seemed interminable, so Phoebe finally did take matters into her own hands: She went to the Home Depot website and purchased one of those portable air conditioners, just to get her through the weekend. With tax and same-day delivery, the bill came to $500.
Later that night, Phoebe and Donovan met back at their apartment, and the doorman told them there was a package. “Great! My portable air conditioner!” Phoebe exclaimed. Donovan, however, was less than thrilled. After all, he’d already bought a brand new air conditioner that would be installed on Monday, and she could’ve slept in the living room for two days. (Phoebe maintains that Donovan had expressly agreed to a temporary air conditioner during one of their prior discussions - before the replacement had been ordered, he had said she could buy one, or buy a bunch of fans, so she did not see the need to consult him before spending the $500. In the interest of full disclosure, Donovan has neither confirmed nor denied this particular claim.)
I suggested that Donovan could’ve turned this whole thing around and been really romantic about it - he could’ve booked them in some swanky, well air-conditioned hotel for the weekend, and then Phoebe wouldn’t have had to buy a temporary air conditioner; though Phoebe pointed out the tab for a swanky hotel in New York City would likely exceed $500. Anyway, I realize I’m coming at this from a biased point of view, so you be the judge. Of the Marriage Ref. Or actually the celebrity panel. What do you think? Was the $500 justified? Are you in Camp Donovan or Camp Phoebe?
(I just read over this entry and it sounds like they have a really messed up marriage. You gotta trust me: they’re a great team. It’s just this air conditioner. Forget religious views and whether you want kids, it’s air conditioning that can bring a person to her knees. Clearly, they need your help.)
Once votes are tallied, I will let Phoebe and Donovan know who is right and who is wrong.