What's the Opposite of Idiot Parade?
I think this is, bar none, the greatest text conversation with a stranger ever.
EVAR.
3 and a half hours later, I feel like I need a cigarette and a reality check now.
11:30:18 AM Awesome: How goes your day, CourtneyDisney?
11:31:38 AM Miss Courtney: Prety good - you?
11:33:43 AM Awesome: Pretty good as well. Late brunch, ruminative housecleaning, and I've yet to see how the pictures from last night's Jason Lytle show turned out... I gotta see what's on that memory card...
11:35:52 AM Miss Courtney: Who's Jason Lytle?
11:36:25 AM Awesome: the songwriter from the band Grandaddy
11:36:49 AM Awesome: the band dissolved, he moved to Montana, and he's still making fantastic music
11:36:50 AM Miss Courtney: Ohhh, well, that clears that up - if I knew who Grandaddy was.
11:36:57 AM Awesome: hahah
11:37:15 AM Awesome: plz for to be excusing my dorking-out
11:38:16 AM Awesome: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandaddy
11:38:44 AM Awesome: heartfelt space-poppy music out of Modesto
11:38:51 AM Miss Courtney: I'll have to torrent them
11:38:59 AM Awesome: You are required to.
11:39:08 AM Miss Courtney: By whom?
11:39:31 AM Awesome: By myself. And Reason!
11:39:48 AM Awesome: (No, no one is required to do anything...)
11:39:54 AM Miss Courtney: what are the consequences of failure?
11:40:17 AM Miss Courtney: well, I'm a rebel - I might not do it just on principle
11:40:35 AM Awesome: Exactly!
11:41:14 AM Awesome: Therein lies the blowback effect of Requiring... it's so much fun to deny a Requirement...
11:41:55 AM Awesome: "consequences": Let's not even think of that... terrible, really...
11:44:03 AM Miss Courtney: does involve the hadron collider and sporks?
11:46:22 AM Awesome: [squint] Let's sayyyy... ideally, yes.
11:46:24 AM Awesome: http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html
11:46:44 AM Awesome: http://hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com/
11:47:37 AM Miss Courtney: I love that second site - it's so reassuring
11:48:36 AM Awesome: precisely
11:48:37 AM Awesome: http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/8ace/?cpg=ab
11:49:35 AM Miss Courtney: Well, you're a man who has all the answers!
11:52:30 AM Awesome: Yes, but only along very particular lines...
11:52:49 AM Awesome: I am a terror at Trivial Pursuit, though.
11:53:08 AM Miss Courtney: I haven't played that game in years - the history ones always sunk me
11:53:23 AM Miss Courtney: I'd probably kick ass on the Disney one
11:53:32 AM Awesome: (what I am saying is that my knowledge is broad yet notsomuch of any particular use)
11:53:36 AM Awesome: I'd reckon you would!
11:54:05 AM Miss Courtney: Oh, I'm the queen of useless knowledge
11:54:18 AM Miss Courtney: I find it's much more impressive than actual practical shit
11:54:33 AM Awesome: Name all the people who actually saw Treasure Planet. GO
11:54:59 AM Awesome: yeah, it's amazing what knowledge stays in teh brains
11:55:00 AM Miss Courtney: Me.
11:55:07 AM Miss Courtney: there, done.
11:55:18 AM Awesome: [startled] you have?!
11:55:21 AM Awesome: amazing
11:55:31 AM Awesome: I should have known.
11:56:27 AM Miss Courtney: of course - my god Disney instructed me to, so I must watch all of His teachings.
11:56:43 AM Miss Courtney: Except the live action ones - those suck
11:57:04 AM Awesome: hahahahah
11:58:18 AM Awesome: yes they do
11:58:33 AM Awesome: if I never have to see Pollyanna again, I think I'd be OK with that.
11:58:39 AM Awesome: OK, yes I would be OK with that.
11:59:32 AM Miss Courtney: now, wait a minute - I was talking about the shitty new stuff like High School Musical and those 3 brothers. Pollyanna would kick your ass in a knife fight, and you know it.
11:59:40 AM Awesome: "my god Disney"... immediately I thought of cthulu parallels: "dead Disney lays sleeping in Anaheim..."
12:00:01 PM Awesome: She'd put the shiv right between my ribs.
12:00:14 PM Miss Courtney: don't hate the player, hate the game
12:00:39 PM Awesome: I pride myself on not being able to identify the Jonus Brothers.
12:00:58 PM Awesome: I hate the player, the game, and the paradigm
12:01:58 PM Miss Courtney: I hate the right handed players - the other ones are ok.
12:02:25 PM Awesome: hahaha
12:03:18 PM Awesome: I wouldn't watch High School Musical to win a bet.
12:03:23 PM Awesome: OK maybe I would.
12:03:24 PM Miss Courtney: I would
12:03:32 PM Miss Courtney: but it has to be more than a dollar
12:03:34 PM Awesome: but there would be writhing
12:03:38 PM Miss Courtney: I'm not falling for THAT one again!
12:03:44 PM Awesome: hah!
12:04:21 PM Awesome: I mean, I've seen Battlefield Earth... I can take some pain, but that would be quite a lot of pain, I'm sure.
12:04:33 PM Awesome: Maybe if tropical drinks were involved.
12:04:59 PM Miss Courtney: or large doses of medical grade psychedelics
12:05:53 PM Awesome: although if keeping with the high school theme, then the themed drink might be kahlua snuck out of the parents' liquor cabinet or a case of the cheapest possible beer bought by an older sibling... Tecate or some such...
12:06:02 PM Awesome: medical grade... or weapons-grade
12:06:16 PM Miss Courtney: 40 oz bottles of Mickey's or Old English
12:06:22 PM Miss Courtney: preferably bought by hobo
12:06:29 PM Awesome: the worst part is that the more we think about this, the closer it comes to Becoming Real
12:06:44 PM Awesome: like Pinocchio
12:06:55 PM Miss Courtney: and you don't sneak the kahlua - it's too easy to tell when you water it down to get back up to the mark
12:07:05 PM Awesome: ahhhh-hahahah
12:07:18 PM Miss Courtney: Isn't that The Secret? Visualize it, and it will come to you?
12:07:19 PM Awesome: so sad, and so true
12:07:32 PM Awesome: The Secret?! Oh gawd...
12:07:45 PM Awesome: getitaway, getitaway!
12:08:29 PM Awesome: yeah, visualize telling people what they already know and they'll buy your book... Celestine Prophecy-riffic!
12:08:41 PM Awesome: Tony Robbins is a genius
12:09:22 PM Awesome: speak with confidence and people will believe... it's the 'Merican way...
12:09:53 PM Miss Courtney: naw, speak with shotgun over your shoulder - everybody perks up then
12:11:04 PM Awesome: Ahh, yes, that's a attention-holder!
12:11:19 PM Miss Courtney: or wait till they're asleep, then form a verbal contract.
12:11:41 PM Awesome: ahhhh-hahaha
12:11:49 PM Awesome: that's binding!
12:11:55 PM Awesome: or, bind them.
12:12:57 PM Miss Courtney: well, that's a whole other lawsuit pending.
12:14:26 PM Miss Courtney: But, he's promised to drop the charges if I give him my autographed copy of High School Musical. My lawyer says take the deal, but I'm not so sure.
12:17:42 PM Awesome: Hrrrm
12:17:47 PM Awesome: that's a raw deal
12:18:35 PM Awesome: especially with something as closetoyrheart as High School Musical...
12:18:46 PM Miss Courtney: See! Bubba from the holding cell said the same thing!
12:19:13 PM Awesome: tell your lawyer no deal -- bring it on, lawsuiters! Earn it! [shaking fist at sky]
12:19:19 PM Awesome: Bubba is Wise.
12:19:57 PM Awesome: that's why Buddha and Bubba have so much lettering in common... (that's a Bill Hicks riff right there)
12:20:40 PM Miss Courtney: Buddha is just dyslexic.
12:21:21 PM Miss Courtney: bill hicks was awesome - I would have married him purely for the win in his last name
12:21:41 PM Awesome: hahhhhhhhaha
12:21:59 PM Awesome: Good taste. You display it.
12:22:32 PM Miss Courtney: I could have named a son Bubba, and he would have gone on to rule the world with that name.
12:23:09 PM Awesome: Bubba Hicks-Disney
12:23:14 PM Awesome: , Esquire
12:23:19 PM Awesome: , PHD
12:23:34 PM Miss Courtney: blarg, I am ded of teh win.
12:25:23 PM Awesome: VICTORY_
12:25:40 PM Miss Courtney: only if you're into dead chicks.
12:25:58 PM Miss Courtney: they tend to sass less
12:26:01 PM Awesome: [squint] well now that you mention it...
12:26:08 PM Awesome: hah!
12:26:52 PM Miss Courtney: If you have more than one 55 gallon drum in your house, I'll be mildly worried
12:26:58 PM Awesome: "this next song is called 'You Won't Sass Me Like That When I Can Summon Wolves'"
12:27:41 PM Awesome: let's not refer to my drum corps backhandedly now...
12:27:59 PM Miss Courtney: is there such a thing as fronthanded?
12:28:13 PM Awesome: Yes! No! There is now!
12:28:38 PM Awesome: Somehow that makes it naughtier. It's like a triple negative!
12:28:51 PM Miss Courtney: there ain't no such non-thing
12:29:13 PM Awesome: PRECISELY.
12:29:20 PM Miss Courtney: I heard the german judges gave it a 9.6
12:29:45 PM Awesome: It's like a top quark. you tell it exists by its nonexistence
12:30:10 PM Awesome: Oh, those German judges... [brandishing fist to sky/Germany]
12:30:47 PM Miss Courtney: you brandish a lot - do you have some sort of bad history with the sky?
12:31:47 PM Awesome: I don't wanna talk about it
12:31:53 PM Awesome: I was young and naive
12:32:04 PM Miss Courtney: has the restraining order expired?
12:32:07 PM Awesome: (as opposed to my current state of old and naive)
12:32:28 PM Miss Courtney: I'm old and stupid - I think it's the best of all worlds
12:32:35 PM Awesome: [wiping tear] I said Iwasn'tgonnacry... gkkk
12:32:50 PM Awesome: hahah!
12:33:42 PM Awesome: Yes! Experience but refusing to learn from it! That's like my life! FUCK YOU LEARNING EXPERIENCES; I REJECT YOU IN FULL
12:34:27 PM Awesome: like that quote of sayin' "if ignorance is bliss you must be having orgasms like allllllllll day!"
12:35:11 PM Miss Courtney: Wait, not everyone does? No wonder I get looks on the train.
12:36:05 PM Awesome: Alas./Hooray!
12:36:53 PM Miss Courtney: I like carrying my sex shop purchases into church in a see-through bag. That's how I roll.
12:37:15 PM Awesome: Like that woman born with the propensity to be so sensitive that anything sets her off. She's lucky/accursed.
12:37:35 PM Miss Courtney: Well, she's a sure thing o a date...
12:37:59 PM Awesome: Hah! Classy. "Why yes, Father, I do recommend the new rabbit pearl..."
12:38:43 PM Awesome: how intimidating a date would *that* be? Well, I suppose if you could make her laugh...
12:38:46 PM Miss Courtney: I believe the Padre would be more interested in the anal plug line...
12:39:51 PM Miss Courtney: how is that intimidating? a girl like that, any guy could feel like a badass king
12:40:10 PM Awesome: at this point I could google the jesus-shaped buttplug, but I reckon you've already seen it
12:40:33 PM Miss Courtney: Uh, I've owned it.
12:40:40 PM Miss Courtney: Never used it though!
12:41:12 PM Awesome: it's true -- but then, how would you know when the two of you were done?
12:41:36 PM Miss Courtney: the answer to that is written on a mobius strip
12:42:09 PM Miss Courtney: when the lube bottle was empty?
12:42:17 PM Miss Courtney: When the gatorade ran out?
12:42:25 PM Miss Courtney: when the sheep called its safeword?
12:42:37 PM Awesome: hah! even better!
12:42:50 PM Awesome: hahah!
12:43:11 PM Awesome: Alas. Like a genie's evil granted wish
12:43:38 PM Miss Courtney: no, evil would be never to be able to climax
12:43:38 PM Awesome: sheep: "OKLAHOMA!"
12:43:59 PM Miss Courtney: that's so racist!
12:44:43 PM Awesome: not being able to climax? ohhhh, I don't even want to think about that... so let me think about that. Nope, yep, that would basically be the end.
12:45:23 PM Awesome: racist?! naw, racist would be ____ ________ ___________ ______ __________ _____ and then get on the plane.
12:45:38 PM Miss Courtney: with or without the dwarf?
12:46:15 PM Miss Courtney: mine will only ride in '74 El Caminos, no planes
12:46:15 PM Awesome: Like you have to ask...
12:46:21 PM Awesome: but I appreciate that you did.
12:46:46 PM Miss Courtney: well, it's rude not to - heavens to betsy, that I should faux pas so badly!
12:47:01 PM Awesome: there's a song by Grandaddy called "El Caminos In The West" about that special brand of cartruck!
12:47:08 PM Awesome: pish posh!
12:47:29 PM Miss Courtney: I wish monocles would come back into vogue
12:48:06 PM Miss Courtney: I mean, it's a style that looks good on everybody, and it really rocks the "shocked" look when it pops out
12:48:30 PM Awesome: Hell yes!
12:48:41 PM Awesome: nothing better than a hot monocle
12:49:10 PM Awesome: they really make one seem that they're paying attention to detail as well
12:49:25 PM Awesome: I keep mine next to my opera glasses
12:51:16 PM Miss Courtney: now that's just silly - a guy with opera glasses? Everybody knows guys have huge binoculars at the opera to check out the diva's tits.
12:53:16 PM Awesome: "naw baby, you know I was just paying attention to the Quality of her ululating... pleezbaleev me!"
12:53:45 PM Miss Courtney: well, if your binoculars were big enough, that'd make everything ok
12:54:15 PM Miss Courtney: it's all about the size of your focal point, right?
12:55:43 PM Awesome: right, right; "hey baby, [henh] what-say you come back to mah place and I let you handle my x12 Canon? Awwwwwwriiiiight"
12:56:22 PM Miss Courtney: hawt
12:56:32 PM Miss Courtney: does it fully extend?
12:57:09 PM Awesome: "Like you have to ask [smooths eyebrows in reflection]"
12:57:49 PM Miss Courtney: did you adjust your monocle as well?
12:58:41 PM Awesome: monocle + binoculars = telescope?
12:59:14 PM Miss Courtney: = the greatest cranial look EVAR!
12:59:42 PM Awesome: "The Monocle Adjuster" sound like the name of a band, a tropical drink, a position, and/or a pet name for a girl/boyfriend
12:59:45 PM Awesome: * sounds
12:59:59 PM Awesome: and what a look it is! prepared for all things in all ways!
1:00:25 PM Miss Courtney: well, except for looking at ants.
1:00:58 PM Miss Courtney: but really, when's the last time an ant was holding their own in a conversation?
1:01:27 PM Awesome: It's true. It's sad.
1:01:59 PM Awesome: You can always take them out of their train of thought by dropping the word "sugar" into whatever you're saying...
1:02:03 PM Awesome: it's not even fair
1:02:50 PM Miss Courtney: you're so mean - none of my friends would ever taunt an ant like that.
1:03:43 PM Awesome: buh-but... I'm just sayin'! [pout]
1:03:51 PM Awesome: ( via Violet Blue's twitter = totally entertaining myself typing 'wwdc' 'apple' 'moscone' 'in town' and 'convention' in SF Craigslist's Casual Encounters. )
1:04:38 PM Miss Courtney: for research purposes only, right? It's ok, it's for science
1:05:36 PM Miss Courtney: I don't know why, but Violet Blue bugs me
1:06:32 PM Awesome: It can be jarring when someone yells out SCIENCE! when they come alá She Blinded Me With Science
1:07:02 PM Miss Courtney: That's better than "I'm sorry, mommy!"
1:07:57 PM Awesome: I keep V.Blue in my twitterfeed merely 'cause she's local like NJudahChronicles or Jameth -- odd bursts of local flavor
1:07:59 PM Awesome: hah!
1:08:00 PM Awesome: or
1:08:08 PM Awesome: "You fuck like my Dad!"
1:08:24 PM Miss Courtney: ugh, that's bad
1:08:59 PM Miss Courtney: I have only people I know in my twitter feed. And Wil Wheaton. But he's my pet geek boy in my head, so it's ok
1:09:19 PM Awesome: Asking for high-fives post-orgasm is also a sign of casualness, but it can be appreciable.
1:09:39 PM Awesome: Heh. Wil as pet. I see.
1:10:22 PM Miss Courtney: I'm a firm traditionalist when it comes to high-fives; you must own a permanently attached penis to give and/or receive one.
1:11:03 PM Awesome: I see.
1:11:22 PM Miss Courtney: wait, that's fist poundings
1:11:23 PM Awesome: but the "ownership" issue is where the definition becomes gray area...
1:11:27 PM Awesome: hah!
1:12:00 PM Miss Courtney: well, I can rent to own a penis, but in fact, full legal custody always goes to the man. Fucking sexist country we live in.
1:12:31 PM Awesome: always a renter, never an owner
1:13:01 PM Miss Courtney: well, there's so much maintenance that you have to go through - and the capital gains tax can be such a bitch
1:13:18 PM Miss Courtney: but the equity is amazing
1:14:06 PM Awesome: maintenance, inspections, upkeep -- it's a wonder anyone keeps us guys around!
1:14:48 PM Awesome: hah! "baby, I'd like to discuss mah equity with you in mah office if y' don't mind..."
1:15:15 PM Miss Courtney: the inspections are fun, too
1:15:45 PM Awesome: Yes. Yes, they are. checklists and hardhats. Safety first!
1:16:10 PM Miss Courtney: "hardhats"? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
1:16:17 PM Awesome: Is it a good thing or a bad thing if some has a [holding head in hands]
1:16:30 PM Awesome: woop, unformed thought got loose... editing...
1:17:11 PM Awesome: Is it a good thing or a bad thing if someone has a "_ Days Since Last Accident" sign above their bed? [holding head in hands]
1:17:56 PM Miss Courtney: funny, I can't get that thing over 5...maybe it's all the power tools
1:19:41 PM Awesome: Ov course.
1:19:55 PM Awesome: Gotta use the right tool for the j0rb
1:19:58 PM Awesome: pickup lines overheard at the local Ace Hardware: "aw baby, I wanna peel off your Carhartts and put your moon in mah star charts..."
1:21:06 PM Miss Courtney: omg, Ace Hardware, it's like the worlds biggest sex shop. i'm all over those tool belts
1:21:30 PM Miss Courtney: and the pants hanging off the no-ass 50 year old men? Pure porn!
1:22:14 PM Awesome: Hawt!
1:22:56 PM Awesome: Puttin' those double-kneed pants to the TEST!
1:23:48 PM Miss Courtney: lmao - I've never heard of those, but there's a part of me that wants a pair. Badly.
1:24:51 PM Miss Courtney: do they come in pink?
1:25:27 PM Awesome: They should.
1:26:19 PM Awesome: There's nothin' like a lady wearing work clothes... mmm... baby, you're so capable and prepared right now...
1:26:22 PM Miss Courtney: a girl shows up to a date in a pair of those, you know what time it is!
1:26:42 PM Awesome: INDEED.
1:27:20 PM Awesome: If I ever happen to meet you and I'm wearing my double-knee carhartts, let me say now that it was unintentional.
1:27:23 PM Awesome: Or was it?
1:28:25 PM Miss Courtney: the world will never know.
1:28:49 PM Miss Courtney: the monocle? that'll be intentional
1:29:05 PM Awesome: Needless to say.
1:30:01 PM Awesome: "thass right baby, be sure to bring your monocle -- so you can see what hit you..."
1:30:31 PM Awesome: I want to get a monocle calibrated for sunglasses. that's like 5 bad ideas distilled into one
1:31:03 PM Miss Courtney: which eye will you hate and leave open to the ravages of the evil sun-god?
1:31:21 PM Awesome: Oh, that wily Ra!
1:31:36 PM Miss Courtney: hey, I'm irish. The sun actively hates us.
1:32:32 PM Awesome: trying to choose which eye to sunglass-monocle is like trying to choose which of your children to eat first should you be stuck in a Donner Pass sort of situation
1:32:47 PM Miss Courtney: that's not even hard - you eat the fat one.
1:33:13 PM Awesome: Ahhh, kids: fun to make, fun to eat.
1:33:19 PM Miss Courtney: my left eye is inherently better than my right in so many ways, I'm surprised I haven't plucked it out yet.
1:33:45 PM Awesome: that's a great shirt idea! = RA HATE IRISH
1:35:05 PM Miss Courtney: I can't read that without translating it into lolspeak - RAWR, HATE IRISH!
1:37:06 PM Awesome: them cats can has infected all things
1:37:17 PM Awesome: It's for the best.
1:37:40 PM Miss Courtney: true story - an ex of mine said in bed, "I can has orgasm?"
1:37:55 PM Miss Courtney: I, nor he, have ever lived it down.
1:38:23 PM Miss Courtney: He was lucky - he got banished to the Island of Moron Boys soon after
1:38:57 PM Awesome: NOR SHOULD HE/YOU.
1:39:28 PM Miss Courtney: he was 21, so that's a valid explanation, right?
1:39:53 PM Awesome: I don't know what to say... my head is swimming... light dimming... not sure how to process ... halp...
1:40:04 PM Miss Courtney: My one foray into cougarism, and I get the King of the Idiot Parade
1:40:16 PM Awesome: No excuse/mercy at any age!
1:40:41 PM Awesome: Yes. Your fears were founded/made-flesh, it seems...
1:41:07 PM Miss Courtney: Well, I learned my lesson - if I'm going to fuck an idiot, he's going to be a mute.
1:42:47 PM Awesome: having to say the words "you're not helping yourself" out loud is usually a bad sign
1:42:55 PM Awesome: OK, always a bad sign.
1:43:57 PM Miss Courtney: hey, everyone has to earfuck a few frogs before their royalty comes along - you've never had a moment like that?
1:46:13 PM Awesome: 'course I have!... I knew she was too young for me in one epiphanal moment...
1:46:42 PM Miss Courtney: oh lord...let me prepare myself for the punchline...
1:47:47 PM Awesome: (here it comes...)
On my knee, I asked her how I could earn her heart. And she said "buy me a pony."
1:49:02 PM Miss Courtney: I have uttered those words just last month - every girl, no matter the age, wants a pony.
1:49:25 PM Miss Courtney: whether she can ride it or not without her legs on the ground is the question
1:49:42 PM Awesome: !
1:49:45 PM Awesome: Truth.
1:50:30 PM Miss Courtney: I edited my request to be a cyber pony, made of awesome, rainbows and titanium
1:50:40 PM Miss Courtney: lol - cyber=cyborg
1:51:02 PM Awesome: robocop on a unicorn!
1:51:02 PM Miss Courtney: i'm online waaaay too much apparently
1:51:20 PM Miss Courtney: robocop would break the unicorn!
1:52:18 PM Miss Courtney: for some reason, this has reminded me of this: http://www.theeconomyisnthappening.com/images/those-are-my-shoes.jpg
1:52:41 PM Awesome: google "robocop unicorn" -- it was an image meme that asploded
1:53:23 PM Miss Courtney: omg - that is awesome
1:53:54 PM Awesome: oh my god... "YOU ARE A DOG" ... brilliant!!!!!!!!!
1:54:18 PM Miss Courtney: you hadn't seen that? For shame!
1:54:31 PM Miss Courtney: the best part is "they don't even fit"
1:55:01 PM Awesome: I hadn't, I must admit... but I <3 it.
1:56:28 PM Miss Courtney: Do you realize we've been talking for 3 hours, and most of the IM log could be easily used to confine either of us to a mental asylum?
1:59:32 PM Awesome: Yes. No. (The subject has become aware. Take her now! Go! Go! Go!)
1:59:39 PM Awesome: Yus.
2:00:07 PM Miss Courtney: Do I need to put my foil hat on now?
2:00:46 PM Miss Courtney: I've got 3, just in case one is confiscated by The Man
2:01:46 PM Awesome: at least here in SF, foil hats can be multiused into holding delicious burritos... mmm...
2:02:07 PM Awesome: safe from the guv'mint's rays, and I have lunch
2:02:18 PM Miss Courtney: burrito bowls - remember the evil carbs in the tortilla!
2:03:08 PM Miss Courtney: well, in SF, they have a whole street for kitcshy, retro organic foil hats made by fair trade empowered free range lesbians
2:03:38 PM Miss Courtney: It's SF - those rights are written into the city laws
2:04:00 PM Awesome: Iz true. I rode the cable car there, as I do each day.
2:04:56 PM Miss Courtney: that's the trolley line run entirely on smugness and entitlement, right?
2:05:09 PM Miss Courtney: I heard they were working on a new power source
2:06:11 PM Awesome: they already have installed: patchouli
2:07:29 PM Miss Courtney: Are you one of the City Dwellers, who never venture outside the city limits?
2:09:28 PM Awesome: I've heard of this... "outside world"(sp?)... I've seen programmes about it on the telly...
2:10:07 PM Awesome: (naw, to th' contrary, I love to get out and about and travel like a madman cackling all the way. I also like to come home.)
2:10:27 PM Miss Courtney: Do you live in SF, or near it?
2:11:09 PM Awesome: In it. I'm in the SW quadrant over near SFSU and the M-car line.
2:11:47 PM Awesome: Where does the map say "HERE BE COURTNEYS"?
2:13:02 PM Miss Courtney: Well, the entire world is actually mine, but a the moment, my flag is in redwood city
2:14:50 PM Awesome: The World Is Yours.
2:14:57 PM Awesome: I see.
2:15:09 PM Miss Courtney: Well, I share it with Teddy Ruxpin.
2:16:40 PM Awesome: Now, does Redwood City actually have any redwoods in it? This obvious thought is not one that I've followed to its conclusion...
2:18:37 PM Miss Courtney: there's one, we have to all leave offerings to it in the form of Starbucks every morning.
2:19:16 PM Miss Courtney: They're collected by Bob, who lives in the Sacred Cardboard, and smells like warm cabbage
2:19:59 PM Awesome: Ahh, Bob. He is an oracle.
2:21:58 PM Awesome: He speaks warmly of the days remembered to come, with their rainbow fields, and leaping policemen all dressed in yellow, and their kitten sink shirt marmalade blanket.
2:22:23 PM Miss Courtney: with Robocop patrolling on his trusty unicorn
2:22:36 PM Miss Courtney: delivering shoes to dogs that don't even fit.
2:23:00 PM Miss Courtney: crazy homeless propheteering is awfully close to online memes...
2:23:44 PM Awesome: Is true. I like "propheteering." That's rather excellent.
2:24:08 PM Miss Courtney: well, if they made money at it, it would be profiteering.
2:24:36 PM Miss Courtney: so, they have to stay homeless, so they're still eligible for the Crazy Olympics
2:25:39 PM Awesome: PRECISELY.
2:26:23 PM Awesome: Gotta do it for the love of the hoboing, not the adulation that comes with the cabbagey scent.
2:26:43 PM Awesome: Inspired by the dog with the shoes = http://bjays.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/lookatthesefuckingpeppemm3.jpg
2:27:11 PM Miss Courtney: ogh, I vomited in my mouth a little, thinking of the "homeless groupies" that would lust after that cabbagey scent
2:27:34 PM Miss Courtney: oh, there's a whole series of those - they're seriously lolful
2:27:52 PM Miss Courtney: my favorite is the shamwow one and the dog named xerxes
2:28:25 PM Miss Courtney: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sugarfreak/1715199256/
2:29:13 PM Awesome: Clickin'
2:29:37 PM Awesome: I love lolmacros, I don't care. They just make me happy.
2:29:51 PM Awesome: Ahhh, Xerxes! Awesome indeed!
2:29:59 PM Miss Courtney: If they're wrong, I don't want to be right
2:31:24 PM Awesome: No. Hell-no. I don't even want to think about the converse of that. Xerxes all-the-way.
2:32:54 PM Awesome: I also like the HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CAT BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME posting
2:34:21 PM Miss Courtney: god, I wish I could find the page that had all of those listed
2:37:20 PM Miss Courtney: So, talking about hobos and locats - is this what you do all day?
2:40:50 PM Awesome: mmmmayyyybe
2:41:03 PM Miss Courtney: good work if you can get it...
2:41:33 PM Awesome: Truly!
2:41:51 PM Awesome: Like a ninja or a contractor -- y' make your own hours.
2:42:23 PM Awesome: (now I'm googling wacky posting images also...)
2:43:21 PM Miss Courtney: omg, a ninja contractor - does the work & you don't even see him! I'd pay extra for that
2:44:48 PM Awesome: And you know how you can tell a ninja is a contractor?
2:45:33 PM Awesome: double-knee ninja uniform
2:45:42 PM Miss Courtney: pure porn!
2:46:38 PM Awesome: absolutely!
also: I <3 the onion's "Ninja parade passes through town unnoticed for the 8th straight year" with pictures of an empty Main Street
2:47:21 PM Miss Courtney: so in the age-old debate, Ninja vs. Pirate, do you fall on the Ninja side?
2:48:16 PM Awesome: Ugh, it's tough to take EITHER side since there's so much Merit to go around...
2:48:26 PM Awesome: Ninja. I have to go ninja.
2:48:56 PM Awesome: Though pirate absolutely has strong, strong Merit -- I must go ninja.
2:49:00 PM Miss Courtney: then you are my sworn enemy, sir. We shall meet at dawn with monocles drawn.
2:51:45 PM Awesome: Ut! Verily! The soil shall know the gangrenous tang of your blood!
2:52:05 PM Miss Courtney: Nuh uh - you!
2:53:50 PM Awesome: NO U
2:54:03 PM Awesome: http://images.google.com/images?q=%22no+u%22&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=mdkuSuDBGpHstAPEsKGhBg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title
2:54:43 PM Awesome: Additionally: http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/5357/picryu9.jpg
2:55:14 PM Miss Courtney: oh, I love "picture unrelated"
2:55:35 PM Miss Courtney: http://demotivate.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/bear_cavalry.jpg
2:55:39 PM Miss Courtney: I won.
2:58:54 PM Awesome: BEAR CAV.
2:59:33 PM Awesome: I love that one so hard. Here, you can have this internets as your prize for winning. It is yours.
3:00:04 PM Miss Courtney: It's so shiny!
3:00:32 PM Miss Courtney: But I've already finished it. http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm
3:01:24 PM Awesome: O_O
3:01:31 PM Awesome: I KNOW THAT PAGE.
3:01:41 PM Awesome: Internet over. Everyone go home.
3:01:56 PM Awesome: This is the problem: http://calnewport.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/internet_productivity.jpg
3:02:00 PM Miss Courtney: But what are we supposed to do when we get there?
3:03:39 PM Miss Courtney: rule 34 is the reason for the internets
3:04:06 PM Awesome: What we always do on the internets: MOAR
3:04:26 PM Awesome: Yes. Yes it is.
3:04:39 PM Awesome: To see things you cannot unsee.
3:05:26 PM Miss Courtney: no matter how much brain bleach or Robocop on unicorns you use.
3:06:36 PM Awesome: Is true. Is true.
3:07:10 PM Awesome: Which is why www.flickr.com/groups/firstgoatse/ is love.
3:07:51 PM Awesome: I love that so, so much. The unrefined swath of human emotion at their first glimpse of goatse...
3:08:30 PM Awesome: And with that, sadly, I must take my leave. But I won't forget: Monocles at dawn. I shan't be late.
3:08:51 PM Miss Courtney: Pip pip, cheerio
3:10:11 PM Awesome: perhaps we will watch High School Musical sometime. or let's not and say we did.
3:10:21 PM Miss Courtney: YES! MOAR!
3:10:22 PM Awesome: TBD
3:10:27 PM Awesome: lulz
3:10:30 PM Awesome: ta ta now
3:10:33 PM Miss Courtney: ciao
EVAR.
3 and a half hours later, I feel like I need a cigarette and a reality check now.
11:30:18 AM Awesome: How goes your day, CourtneyDisney?
11:31:38 AM Miss Courtney: Prety good - you?
11:33:43 AM Awesome: Pretty good as well. Late brunch, ruminative housecleaning, and I've yet to see how the pictures from last night's Jason Lytle show turned out... I gotta see what's on that memory card...
11:35:52 AM Miss Courtney: Who's Jason Lytle?
11:36:25 AM Awesome: the songwriter from the band Grandaddy
11:36:49 AM Awesome: the band dissolved, he moved to Montana, and he's still making fantastic music
11:36:50 AM Miss Courtney: Ohhh, well, that clears that up - if I knew who Grandaddy was.
11:36:57 AM Awesome: hahah
11:37:15 AM Awesome: plz for to be excusing my dorking-out
11:38:16 AM Awesome: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandaddy
11:38:44 AM Awesome: heartfelt space-poppy music out of Modesto
11:38:51 AM Miss Courtney: I'll have to torrent them
11:38:59 AM Awesome: You are required to.
11:39:08 AM Miss Courtney: By whom?
11:39:31 AM Awesome: By myself. And Reason!
11:39:48 AM Awesome: (No, no one is required to do anything...)
11:39:54 AM Miss Courtney: what are the consequences of failure?
11:40:17 AM Miss Courtney: well, I'm a rebel - I might not do it just on principle
11:40:35 AM Awesome: Exactly!
11:41:14 AM Awesome: Therein lies the blowback effect of Requiring... it's so much fun to deny a Requirement...
11:41:55 AM Awesome: "consequences": Let's not even think of that... terrible, really...
11:44:03 AM Miss Courtney: does involve the hadron collider and sporks?
11:46:22 AM Awesome: [squint] Let's sayyyy... ideally, yes.
11:46:24 AM Awesome: http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html
11:46:44 AM Awesome: http://hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com/
11:47:37 AM Miss Courtney: I love that second site - it's so reassuring
11:48:36 AM Awesome: precisely
11:48:37 AM Awesome: http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/8ace/?cpg=ab
11:49:35 AM Miss Courtney: Well, you're a man who has all the answers!
11:52:30 AM Awesome: Yes, but only along very particular lines...
11:52:49 AM Awesome: I am a terror at Trivial Pursuit, though.
11:53:08 AM Miss Courtney: I haven't played that game in years - the history ones always sunk me
11:53:23 AM Miss Courtney: I'd probably kick ass on the Disney one
11:53:32 AM Awesome: (what I am saying is that my knowledge is broad yet notsomuch of any particular use)
11:53:36 AM Awesome: I'd reckon you would!
11:54:05 AM Miss Courtney: Oh, I'm the queen of useless knowledge
11:54:18 AM Miss Courtney: I find it's much more impressive than actual practical shit
11:54:33 AM Awesome: Name all the people who actually saw Treasure Planet. GO
11:54:59 AM Awesome: yeah, it's amazing what knowledge stays in teh brains
11:55:00 AM Miss Courtney: Me.
11:55:07 AM Miss Courtney: there, done.
11:55:18 AM Awesome: [startled] you have?!
11:55:21 AM Awesome: amazing
11:55:31 AM Awesome: I should have known.
11:56:27 AM Miss Courtney: of course - my god Disney instructed me to, so I must watch all of His teachings.
11:56:43 AM Miss Courtney: Except the live action ones - those suck
11:57:04 AM Awesome: hahahahah
11:58:18 AM Awesome: yes they do
11:58:33 AM Awesome: if I never have to see Pollyanna again, I think I'd be OK with that.
11:58:39 AM Awesome: OK, yes I would be OK with that.
11:59:32 AM Miss Courtney: now, wait a minute - I was talking about the shitty new stuff like High School Musical and those 3 brothers. Pollyanna would kick your ass in a knife fight, and you know it.
11:59:40 AM Awesome: "my god Disney"... immediately I thought of cthulu parallels: "dead Disney lays sleeping in Anaheim..."
12:00:01 PM Awesome: She'd put the shiv right between my ribs.
12:00:14 PM Miss Courtney: don't hate the player, hate the game
12:00:39 PM Awesome: I pride myself on not being able to identify the Jonus Brothers.
12:00:58 PM Awesome: I hate the player, the game, and the paradigm
12:01:58 PM Miss Courtney: I hate the right handed players - the other ones are ok.
12:02:25 PM Awesome: hahaha
12:03:18 PM Awesome: I wouldn't watch High School Musical to win a bet.
12:03:23 PM Awesome: OK maybe I would.
12:03:24 PM Miss Courtney: I would
12:03:32 PM Miss Courtney: but it has to be more than a dollar
12:03:34 PM Awesome: but there would be writhing
12:03:38 PM Miss Courtney: I'm not falling for THAT one again!
12:03:44 PM Awesome: hah!
12:04:21 PM Awesome: I mean, I've seen Battlefield Earth... I can take some pain, but that would be quite a lot of pain, I'm sure.
12:04:33 PM Awesome: Maybe if tropical drinks were involved.
12:04:59 PM Miss Courtney: or large doses of medical grade psychedelics
12:05:53 PM Awesome: although if keeping with the high school theme, then the themed drink might be kahlua snuck out of the parents' liquor cabinet or a case of the cheapest possible beer bought by an older sibling... Tecate or some such...
12:06:02 PM Awesome: medical grade... or weapons-grade
12:06:16 PM Miss Courtney: 40 oz bottles of Mickey's or Old English
12:06:22 PM Miss Courtney: preferably bought by hobo
12:06:29 PM Awesome: the worst part is that the more we think about this, the closer it comes to Becoming Real
12:06:44 PM Awesome: like Pinocchio
12:06:55 PM Miss Courtney: and you don't sneak the kahlua - it's too easy to tell when you water it down to get back up to the mark
12:07:05 PM Awesome: ahhhh-hahahah
12:07:18 PM Miss Courtney: Isn't that The Secret? Visualize it, and it will come to you?
12:07:19 PM Awesome: so sad, and so true
12:07:32 PM Awesome: The Secret?! Oh gawd...
12:07:45 PM Awesome: getitaway, getitaway!
12:08:29 PM Awesome: yeah, visualize telling people what they already know and they'll buy your book... Celestine Prophecy-riffic!
12:08:41 PM Awesome: Tony Robbins is a genius
12:09:22 PM Awesome: speak with confidence and people will believe... it's the 'Merican way...
12:09:53 PM Miss Courtney: naw, speak with shotgun over your shoulder - everybody perks up then
12:11:04 PM Awesome: Ahh, yes, that's a attention-holder!
12:11:19 PM Miss Courtney: or wait till they're asleep, then form a verbal contract.
12:11:41 PM Awesome: ahhhh-hahaha
12:11:49 PM Awesome: that's binding!
12:11:55 PM Awesome: or, bind them.
12:12:57 PM Miss Courtney: well, that's a whole other lawsuit pending.
12:14:26 PM Miss Courtney: But, he's promised to drop the charges if I give him my autographed copy of High School Musical. My lawyer says take the deal, but I'm not so sure.
12:17:42 PM Awesome: Hrrrm
12:17:47 PM Awesome: that's a raw deal
12:18:35 PM Awesome: especially with something as closetoyrheart as High School Musical...
12:18:46 PM Miss Courtney: See! Bubba from the holding cell said the same thing!
12:19:13 PM Awesome: tell your lawyer no deal -- bring it on, lawsuiters! Earn it! [shaking fist at sky]
12:19:19 PM Awesome: Bubba is Wise.
12:19:57 PM Awesome: that's why Buddha and Bubba have so much lettering in common... (that's a Bill Hicks riff right there)
12:20:40 PM Miss Courtney: Buddha is just dyslexic.
12:21:21 PM Miss Courtney: bill hicks was awesome - I would have married him purely for the win in his last name
12:21:41 PM Awesome: hahhhhhhhaha
12:21:59 PM Awesome: Good taste. You display it.
12:22:32 PM Miss Courtney: I could have named a son Bubba, and he would have gone on to rule the world with that name.
12:23:09 PM Awesome: Bubba Hicks-Disney
12:23:14 PM Awesome: , Esquire
12:23:19 PM Awesome: , PHD
12:23:34 PM Miss Courtney: blarg, I am ded of teh win.
12:25:23 PM Awesome: VICTORY_
12:25:40 PM Miss Courtney: only if you're into dead chicks.
12:25:58 PM Miss Courtney: they tend to sass less
12:26:01 PM Awesome: [squint] well now that you mention it...
12:26:08 PM Awesome: hah!
12:26:52 PM Miss Courtney: If you have more than one 55 gallon drum in your house, I'll be mildly worried
12:26:58 PM Awesome: "this next song is called 'You Won't Sass Me Like That When I Can Summon Wolves'"
12:27:41 PM Awesome: let's not refer to my drum corps backhandedly now...
12:27:59 PM Miss Courtney: is there such a thing as fronthanded?
12:28:13 PM Awesome: Yes! No! There is now!
12:28:38 PM Awesome: Somehow that makes it naughtier. It's like a triple negative!
12:28:51 PM Miss Courtney: there ain't no such non-thing
12:29:13 PM Awesome: PRECISELY.
12:29:20 PM Miss Courtney: I heard the german judges gave it a 9.6
12:29:45 PM Awesome: It's like a top quark. you tell it exists by its nonexistence
12:30:10 PM Awesome: Oh, those German judges... [brandishing fist to sky/Germany]
12:30:47 PM Miss Courtney: you brandish a lot - do you have some sort of bad history with the sky?
12:31:47 PM Awesome: I don't wanna talk about it
12:31:53 PM Awesome: I was young and naive
12:32:04 PM Miss Courtney: has the restraining order expired?
12:32:07 PM Awesome: (as opposed to my current state of old and naive)
12:32:28 PM Miss Courtney: I'm old and stupid - I think it's the best of all worlds
12:32:35 PM Awesome: [wiping tear] I said Iwasn'tgonnacry... gkkk
12:32:50 PM Awesome: hahah!
12:33:42 PM Awesome: Yes! Experience but refusing to learn from it! That's like my life! FUCK YOU LEARNING EXPERIENCES; I REJECT YOU IN FULL
12:34:27 PM Awesome: like that quote of sayin' "if ignorance is bliss you must be having orgasms like allllllllll day!"
12:35:11 PM Miss Courtney: Wait, not everyone does? No wonder I get looks on the train.
12:36:05 PM Awesome: Alas./Hooray!
12:36:53 PM Miss Courtney: I like carrying my sex shop purchases into church in a see-through bag. That's how I roll.
12:37:15 PM Awesome: Like that woman born with the propensity to be so sensitive that anything sets her off. She's lucky/accursed.
12:37:35 PM Miss Courtney: Well, she's a sure thing o a date...
12:37:59 PM Awesome: Hah! Classy. "Why yes, Father, I do recommend the new rabbit pearl..."
12:38:43 PM Awesome: how intimidating a date would *that* be? Well, I suppose if you could make her laugh...
12:38:46 PM Miss Courtney: I believe the Padre would be more interested in the anal plug line...
12:39:51 PM Miss Courtney: how is that intimidating? a girl like that, any guy could feel like a badass king
12:40:10 PM Awesome: at this point I could google the jesus-shaped buttplug, but I reckon you've already seen it
12:40:33 PM Miss Courtney: Uh, I've owned it.
12:40:40 PM Miss Courtney: Never used it though!
12:41:12 PM Awesome: it's true -- but then, how would you know when the two of you were done?
12:41:36 PM Miss Courtney: the answer to that is written on a mobius strip
12:42:09 PM Miss Courtney: when the lube bottle was empty?
12:42:17 PM Miss Courtney: When the gatorade ran out?
12:42:25 PM Miss Courtney: when the sheep called its safeword?
12:42:37 PM Awesome: hah! even better!
12:42:50 PM Awesome: hahah!
12:43:11 PM Awesome: Alas. Like a genie's evil granted wish
12:43:38 PM Miss Courtney: no, evil would be never to be able to climax
12:43:38 PM Awesome: sheep: "OKLAHOMA!"
12:43:59 PM Miss Courtney: that's so racist!
12:44:43 PM Awesome: not being able to climax? ohhhh, I don't even want to think about that... so let me think about that. Nope, yep, that would basically be the end.
12:45:23 PM Awesome: racist?! naw, racist would be ____ ________ ___________ ______ __________ _____ and then get on the plane.
12:45:38 PM Miss Courtney: with or without the dwarf?
12:46:15 PM Miss Courtney: mine will only ride in '74 El Caminos, no planes
12:46:15 PM Awesome: Like you have to ask...
12:46:21 PM Awesome: but I appreciate that you did.
12:46:46 PM Miss Courtney: well, it's rude not to - heavens to betsy, that I should faux pas so badly!
12:47:01 PM Awesome: there's a song by Grandaddy called "El Caminos In The West" about that special brand of cartruck!
12:47:08 PM Awesome: pish posh!
12:47:29 PM Miss Courtney: I wish monocles would come back into vogue
12:48:06 PM Miss Courtney: I mean, it's a style that looks good on everybody, and it really rocks the "shocked" look when it pops out
12:48:30 PM Awesome: Hell yes!
12:48:41 PM Awesome: nothing better than a hot monocle
12:49:10 PM Awesome: they really make one seem that they're paying attention to detail as well
12:49:25 PM Awesome: I keep mine next to my opera glasses
12:51:16 PM Miss Courtney: now that's just silly - a guy with opera glasses? Everybody knows guys have huge binoculars at the opera to check out the diva's tits.
12:53:16 PM Awesome: "naw baby, you know I was just paying attention to the Quality of her ululating... pleezbaleev me!"
12:53:45 PM Miss Courtney: well, if your binoculars were big enough, that'd make everything ok
12:54:15 PM Miss Courtney: it's all about the size of your focal point, right?
12:55:43 PM Awesome: right, right; "hey baby, [henh] what-say you come back to mah place and I let you handle my x12 Canon? Awwwwwwriiiiight"
12:56:22 PM Miss Courtney: hawt
12:56:32 PM Miss Courtney: does it fully extend?
12:57:09 PM Awesome: "Like you have to ask [smooths eyebrows in reflection]"
12:57:49 PM Miss Courtney: did you adjust your monocle as well?
12:58:41 PM Awesome: monocle + binoculars = telescope?
12:59:14 PM Miss Courtney: = the greatest cranial look EVAR!
12:59:42 PM Awesome: "The Monocle Adjuster" sound like the name of a band, a tropical drink, a position, and/or a pet name for a girl/boyfriend
12:59:45 PM Awesome: * sounds
12:59:59 PM Awesome: and what a look it is! prepared for all things in all ways!
1:00:25 PM Miss Courtney: well, except for looking at ants.
1:00:58 PM Miss Courtney: but really, when's the last time an ant was holding their own in a conversation?
1:01:27 PM Awesome: It's true. It's sad.
1:01:59 PM Awesome: You can always take them out of their train of thought by dropping the word "sugar" into whatever you're saying...
1:02:03 PM Awesome: it's not even fair
1:02:50 PM Miss Courtney: you're so mean - none of my friends would ever taunt an ant like that.
1:03:43 PM Awesome: buh-but... I'm just sayin'! [pout]
1:03:51 PM Awesome: ( via Violet Blue's twitter = totally entertaining myself typing 'wwdc' 'apple' 'moscone' 'in town' and 'convention' in SF Craigslist's Casual Encounters. )
1:04:38 PM Miss Courtney: for research purposes only, right? It's ok, it's for science
1:05:36 PM Miss Courtney: I don't know why, but Violet Blue bugs me
1:06:32 PM Awesome: It can be jarring when someone yells out SCIENCE! when they come alá She Blinded Me With Science
1:07:02 PM Miss Courtney: That's better than "I'm sorry, mommy!"
1:07:57 PM Awesome: I keep V.Blue in my twitterfeed merely 'cause she's local like NJudahChronicles or Jameth -- odd bursts of local flavor
1:07:59 PM Awesome: hah!
1:08:00 PM Awesome: or
1:08:08 PM Awesome: "You fuck like my Dad!"
1:08:24 PM Miss Courtney: ugh, that's bad
1:08:59 PM Miss Courtney: I have only people I know in my twitter feed. And Wil Wheaton. But he's my pet geek boy in my head, so it's ok
1:09:19 PM Awesome: Asking for high-fives post-orgasm is also a sign of casualness, but it can be appreciable.
1:09:39 PM Awesome: Heh. Wil as pet. I see.
1:10:22 PM Miss Courtney: I'm a firm traditionalist when it comes to high-fives; you must own a permanently attached penis to give and/or receive one.
1:11:03 PM Awesome: I see.
1:11:22 PM Miss Courtney: wait, that's fist poundings
1:11:23 PM Awesome: but the "ownership" issue is where the definition becomes gray area...
1:11:27 PM Awesome: hah!
1:12:00 PM Miss Courtney: well, I can rent to own a penis, but in fact, full legal custody always goes to the man. Fucking sexist country we live in.
1:12:31 PM Awesome: always a renter, never an owner
1:13:01 PM Miss Courtney: well, there's so much maintenance that you have to go through - and the capital gains tax can be such a bitch
1:13:18 PM Miss Courtney: but the equity is amazing
1:14:06 PM Awesome: maintenance, inspections, upkeep -- it's a wonder anyone keeps us guys around!
1:14:48 PM Awesome: hah! "baby, I'd like to discuss mah equity with you in mah office if y' don't mind..."
1:15:15 PM Miss Courtney: the inspections are fun, too
1:15:45 PM Awesome: Yes. Yes, they are. checklists and hardhats. Safety first!
1:16:10 PM Miss Courtney: "hardhats"? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
1:16:17 PM Awesome: Is it a good thing or a bad thing if some has a [holding head in hands]
1:16:30 PM Awesome: woop, unformed thought got loose... editing...
1:17:11 PM Awesome: Is it a good thing or a bad thing if someone has a "_ Days Since Last Accident" sign above their bed? [holding head in hands]
1:17:56 PM Miss Courtney: funny, I can't get that thing over 5...maybe it's all the power tools
1:19:41 PM Awesome: Ov course.
1:19:55 PM Awesome: Gotta use the right tool for the j0rb
1:19:58 PM Awesome: pickup lines overheard at the local Ace Hardware: "aw baby, I wanna peel off your Carhartts and put your moon in mah star charts..."
1:21:06 PM Miss Courtney: omg, Ace Hardware, it's like the worlds biggest sex shop. i'm all over those tool belts
1:21:30 PM Miss Courtney: and the pants hanging off the no-ass 50 year old men? Pure porn!
1:22:14 PM Awesome: Hawt!
1:22:56 PM Awesome: Puttin' those double-kneed pants to the TEST!
1:23:48 PM Miss Courtney: lmao - I've never heard of those, but there's a part of me that wants a pair. Badly.
1:24:51 PM Miss Courtney: do they come in pink?
1:25:27 PM Awesome: They should.
1:26:19 PM Awesome: There's nothin' like a lady wearing work clothes... mmm... baby, you're so capable and prepared right now...
1:26:22 PM Miss Courtney: a girl shows up to a date in a pair of those, you know what time it is!
1:26:42 PM Awesome: INDEED.
1:27:20 PM Awesome: If I ever happen to meet you and I'm wearing my double-knee carhartts, let me say now that it was unintentional.
1:27:23 PM Awesome: Or was it?
1:28:25 PM Miss Courtney: the world will never know.
1:28:49 PM Miss Courtney: the monocle? that'll be intentional
1:29:05 PM Awesome: Needless to say.
1:30:01 PM Awesome: "thass right baby, be sure to bring your monocle -- so you can see what hit you..."
1:30:31 PM Awesome: I want to get a monocle calibrated for sunglasses. that's like 5 bad ideas distilled into one
1:31:03 PM Miss Courtney: which eye will you hate and leave open to the ravages of the evil sun-god?
1:31:21 PM Awesome: Oh, that wily Ra!
1:31:36 PM Miss Courtney: hey, I'm irish. The sun actively hates us.
1:32:32 PM Awesome: trying to choose which eye to sunglass-monocle is like trying to choose which of your children to eat first should you be stuck in a Donner Pass sort of situation
1:32:47 PM Miss Courtney: that's not even hard - you eat the fat one.
1:33:13 PM Awesome: Ahhh, kids: fun to make, fun to eat.
1:33:19 PM Miss Courtney: my left eye is inherently better than my right in so many ways, I'm surprised I haven't plucked it out yet.
1:33:45 PM Awesome: that's a great shirt idea! = RA HATE IRISH
1:35:05 PM Miss Courtney: I can't read that without translating it into lolspeak - RAWR, HATE IRISH!
1:37:06 PM Awesome: them cats can has infected all things
1:37:17 PM Awesome: It's for the best.
1:37:40 PM Miss Courtney: true story - an ex of mine said in bed, "I can has orgasm?"
1:37:55 PM Miss Courtney: I, nor he, have ever lived it down.
1:38:23 PM Miss Courtney: He was lucky - he got banished to the Island of Moron Boys soon after
1:38:57 PM Awesome: NOR SHOULD HE/YOU.
1:39:28 PM Miss Courtney: he was 21, so that's a valid explanation, right?
1:39:53 PM Awesome: I don't know what to say... my head is swimming... light dimming... not sure how to process ... halp...
1:40:04 PM Miss Courtney: My one foray into cougarism, and I get the King of the Idiot Parade
1:40:16 PM Awesome: No excuse/mercy at any age!
1:40:41 PM Awesome: Yes. Your fears were founded/made-flesh, it seems...
1:41:07 PM Miss Courtney: Well, I learned my lesson - if I'm going to fuck an idiot, he's going to be a mute.
1:42:47 PM Awesome: having to say the words "you're not helping yourself" out loud is usually a bad sign
1:42:55 PM Awesome: OK, always a bad sign.
1:43:57 PM Miss Courtney: hey, everyone has to earfuck a few frogs before their royalty comes along - you've never had a moment like that?
1:46:13 PM Awesome: 'course I have!... I knew she was too young for me in one epiphanal moment...
1:46:42 PM Miss Courtney: oh lord...let me prepare myself for the punchline...
1:47:47 PM Awesome: (here it comes...)
On my knee, I asked her how I could earn her heart. And she said "buy me a pony."
1:49:02 PM Miss Courtney: I have uttered those words just last month - every girl, no matter the age, wants a pony.
1:49:25 PM Miss Courtney: whether she can ride it or not without her legs on the ground is the question
1:49:42 PM Awesome: !
1:49:45 PM Awesome: Truth.
1:50:30 PM Miss Courtney: I edited my request to be a cyber pony, made of awesome, rainbows and titanium
1:50:40 PM Miss Courtney: lol - cyber=cyborg
1:51:02 PM Awesome: robocop on a unicorn!
1:51:02 PM Miss Courtney: i'm online waaaay too much apparently
1:51:20 PM Miss Courtney: robocop would break the unicorn!
1:52:18 PM Miss Courtney: for some reason, this has reminded me of this: http://www.theeconomyisnthappening.com/images/those-are-my-shoes.jpg
1:52:41 PM Awesome: google "robocop unicorn" -- it was an image meme that asploded
1:53:23 PM Miss Courtney: omg - that is awesome
1:53:54 PM Awesome: oh my god... "YOU ARE A DOG" ... brilliant!!!!!!!!!
1:54:18 PM Miss Courtney: you hadn't seen that? For shame!
1:54:31 PM Miss Courtney: the best part is "they don't even fit"
1:55:01 PM Awesome: I hadn't, I must admit... but I <3 it.
1:56:28 PM Miss Courtney: Do you realize we've been talking for 3 hours, and most of the IM log could be easily used to confine either of us to a mental asylum?
1:59:32 PM Awesome: Yes. No. (The subject has become aware. Take her now! Go! Go! Go!)
1:59:39 PM Awesome: Yus.
2:00:07 PM Miss Courtney: Do I need to put my foil hat on now?
2:00:46 PM Miss Courtney: I've got 3, just in case one is confiscated by The Man
2:01:46 PM Awesome: at least here in SF, foil hats can be multiused into holding delicious burritos... mmm...
2:02:07 PM Awesome: safe from the guv'mint's rays, and I have lunch
2:02:18 PM Miss Courtney: burrito bowls - remember the evil carbs in the tortilla!
2:03:08 PM Miss Courtney: well, in SF, they have a whole street for kitcshy, retro organic foil hats made by fair trade empowered free range lesbians
2:03:38 PM Miss Courtney: It's SF - those rights are written into the city laws
2:04:00 PM Awesome: Iz true. I rode the cable car there, as I do each day.
2:04:56 PM Miss Courtney: that's the trolley line run entirely on smugness and entitlement, right?
2:05:09 PM Miss Courtney: I heard they were working on a new power source
2:06:11 PM Awesome: they already have installed: patchouli
2:07:29 PM Miss Courtney: Are you one of the City Dwellers, who never venture outside the city limits?
2:09:28 PM Awesome: I've heard of this... "outside world"(sp?)... I've seen programmes about it on the telly...
2:10:07 PM Awesome: (naw, to th' contrary, I love to get out and about and travel like a madman cackling all the way. I also like to come home.)
2:10:27 PM Miss Courtney: Do you live in SF, or near it?
2:11:09 PM Awesome: In it. I'm in the SW quadrant over near SFSU and the M-car line.
2:11:47 PM Awesome: Where does the map say "HERE BE COURTNEYS"?
2:13:02 PM Miss Courtney: Well, the entire world is actually mine, but a the moment, my flag is in redwood city
2:14:50 PM Awesome: The World Is Yours.
2:14:57 PM Awesome: I see.
2:15:09 PM Miss Courtney: Well, I share it with Teddy Ruxpin.
2:16:40 PM Awesome: Now, does Redwood City actually have any redwoods in it? This obvious thought is not one that I've followed to its conclusion...
2:18:37 PM Miss Courtney: there's one, we have to all leave offerings to it in the form of Starbucks every morning.
2:19:16 PM Miss Courtney: They're collected by Bob, who lives in the Sacred Cardboard, and smells like warm cabbage
2:19:59 PM Awesome: Ahh, Bob. He is an oracle.
2:21:58 PM Awesome: He speaks warmly of the days remembered to come, with their rainbow fields, and leaping policemen all dressed in yellow, and their kitten sink shirt marmalade blanket.
2:22:23 PM Miss Courtney: with Robocop patrolling on his trusty unicorn
2:22:36 PM Miss Courtney: delivering shoes to dogs that don't even fit.
2:23:00 PM Miss Courtney: crazy homeless propheteering is awfully close to online memes...
2:23:44 PM Awesome: Is true. I like "propheteering." That's rather excellent.
2:24:08 PM Miss Courtney: well, if they made money at it, it would be profiteering.
2:24:36 PM Miss Courtney: so, they have to stay homeless, so they're still eligible for the Crazy Olympics
2:25:39 PM Awesome: PRECISELY.
2:26:23 PM Awesome: Gotta do it for the love of the hoboing, not the adulation that comes with the cabbagey scent.
2:26:43 PM Awesome: Inspired by the dog with the shoes = http://bjays.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/lookatthesefuckingpeppemm3.jpg
2:27:11 PM Miss Courtney: ogh, I vomited in my mouth a little, thinking of the "homeless groupies" that would lust after that cabbagey scent
2:27:34 PM Miss Courtney: oh, there's a whole series of those - they're seriously lolful
2:27:52 PM Miss Courtney: my favorite is the shamwow one and the dog named xerxes
2:28:25 PM Miss Courtney: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sugarfreak/1715199256/
2:29:13 PM Awesome: Clickin'
2:29:37 PM Awesome: I love lolmacros, I don't care. They just make me happy.
2:29:51 PM Awesome: Ahhh, Xerxes! Awesome indeed!
2:29:59 PM Miss Courtney: If they're wrong, I don't want to be right
2:31:24 PM Awesome: No. Hell-no. I don't even want to think about the converse of that. Xerxes all-the-way.
2:32:54 PM Awesome: I also like the HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CAT BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME posting
2:34:21 PM Miss Courtney: god, I wish I could find the page that had all of those listed
2:37:20 PM Miss Courtney: So, talking about hobos and locats - is this what you do all day?
2:40:50 PM Awesome: mmmmayyyybe
2:41:03 PM Miss Courtney: good work if you can get it...
2:41:33 PM Awesome: Truly!
2:41:51 PM Awesome: Like a ninja or a contractor -- y' make your own hours.
2:42:23 PM Awesome: (now I'm googling wacky posting images also...)
2:43:21 PM Miss Courtney: omg, a ninja contractor - does the work & you don't even see him! I'd pay extra for that
2:44:48 PM Awesome: And you know how you can tell a ninja is a contractor?
2:45:33 PM Awesome: double-knee ninja uniform
2:45:42 PM Miss Courtney: pure porn!
2:46:38 PM Awesome: absolutely!
also: I <3 the onion's "Ninja parade passes through town unnoticed for the 8th straight year" with pictures of an empty Main Street
2:47:21 PM Miss Courtney: so in the age-old debate, Ninja vs. Pirate, do you fall on the Ninja side?
2:48:16 PM Awesome: Ugh, it's tough to take EITHER side since there's so much Merit to go around...
2:48:26 PM Awesome: Ninja. I have to go ninja.
2:48:56 PM Awesome: Though pirate absolutely has strong, strong Merit -- I must go ninja.
2:49:00 PM Miss Courtney: then you are my sworn enemy, sir. We shall meet at dawn with monocles drawn.
2:51:45 PM Awesome: Ut! Verily! The soil shall know the gangrenous tang of your blood!
2:52:05 PM Miss Courtney: Nuh uh - you!
2:53:50 PM Awesome: NO U
2:54:03 PM Awesome: http://images.google.com/images?q=%22no+u%22&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=mdkuSuDBGpHstAPEsKGhBg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title
2:54:43 PM Awesome: Additionally: http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/5357/picryu9.jpg
2:55:14 PM Miss Courtney: oh, I love "picture unrelated"
2:55:35 PM Miss Courtney: http://demotivate.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/bear_cavalry.jpg
2:55:39 PM Miss Courtney: I won.
2:58:54 PM Awesome: BEAR CAV.
2:59:33 PM Awesome: I love that one so hard. Here, you can have this internets as your prize for winning. It is yours.
3:00:04 PM Miss Courtney: It's so shiny!
3:00:32 PM Miss Courtney: But I've already finished it. http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm
3:01:24 PM Awesome: O_O
3:01:31 PM Awesome: I KNOW THAT PAGE.
3:01:41 PM Awesome: Internet over. Everyone go home.
3:01:56 PM Awesome: This is the problem: http://calnewport.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/internet_productivity.jpg
3:02:00 PM Miss Courtney: But what are we supposed to do when we get there?
3:03:39 PM Miss Courtney: rule 34 is the reason for the internets
3:04:06 PM Awesome: What we always do on the internets: MOAR
3:04:26 PM Awesome: Yes. Yes it is.
3:04:39 PM Awesome: To see things you cannot unsee.
3:05:26 PM Miss Courtney: no matter how much brain bleach or Robocop on unicorns you use.
3:06:36 PM Awesome: Is true. Is true.
3:07:10 PM Awesome: Which is why www.flickr.com/groups/firstgoatse/ is love.
3:07:51 PM Awesome: I love that so, so much. The unrefined swath of human emotion at their first glimpse of goatse...
3:08:30 PM Awesome: And with that, sadly, I must take my leave. But I won't forget: Monocles at dawn. I shan't be late.
3:08:51 PM Miss Courtney: Pip pip, cheerio
3:10:11 PM Awesome: perhaps we will watch High School Musical sometime. or let's not and say we did.
3:10:21 PM Miss Courtney: YES! MOAR!
3:10:22 PM Awesome: TBD
3:10:27 PM Awesome: lulz
3:10:30 PM Awesome: ta ta now
3:10:33 PM Miss Courtney: ciao