Self-Image
Am I high maintenance? Ryan said I was an attention slut last night in a joking manner, but it got me thinking. I like to take pictures of myself cause I still see myself as the ugly fat kid sometimes - and when pictures turn out well, I'm still surprised & happy, wanting to keep them forever (I know this stems from all my childhood photos being destroyed).
I like doing makeup cause it's fun - same for the clothes I wear. I talk a good game about being all that, the shit, phat, fabulous - pick your cliche. That's self-talk - if I say it enough, maybe I'll believe it. Granted, over the years, I think it's worked - it's no longer just self-improvement babble, but there's still a stiff shot of that in there, too.
When I got into the scene, I was painfully shy. I worked & trained myself to be more social, confident, and entertaining. It was a facade, a front I put up in hopes people wouldn't see how scared I was. Again, it's worked to an extent, as it's not merely a facade anymore, but it still feels false sometimes, but that's what people know me for.
And I'm afraid I won't be able to turn it off if I really wanted to.
I like doing makeup cause it's fun - same for the clothes I wear. I talk a good game about being all that, the shit, phat, fabulous - pick your cliche. That's self-talk - if I say it enough, maybe I'll believe it. Granted, over the years, I think it's worked - it's no longer just self-improvement babble, but there's still a stiff shot of that in there, too.
When I got into the scene, I was painfully shy. I worked & trained myself to be more social, confident, and entertaining. It was a facade, a front I put up in hopes people wouldn't see how scared I was. Again, it's worked to an extent, as it's not merely a facade anymore, but it still feels false sometimes, but that's what people know me for.
And I'm afraid I won't be able to turn it off if I really wanted to.