Jumbled up in my head
This week has been crazy. Not crazy good, but not really crazy bad, either. I've had no less than half a dozen people come out of the woodwork, people who were in my life to one varying degree or another, in my past life. Lovers, friends, and acquaintances - apparently the first week in June is the time to freak the shit out of someone, preferably all at once.
I'm feeling really confused with relationships I have/had with guys. Do I reach out, preparing for the inevitable face-slap that will go with it? How much is my karmic debt to men I have loved in the past? I feel torn in so many ways - I don't want to cut anyone off, but if the alternative is maybe feeling pain that I don't have right now, is it worth it? Distant past, recent past, now - there can't be this many ways to feel about the opposite sex.
I see the patterns that my choices have been in the past - in one form, I made the same choice last year that I made 10 years ago. The men I'm attracted to seem to fit that pattern - immense strength in some areas, and debilitating weakness in others. I think it's gotten much more subtle over the years, but it's still there. The desire to help/fix/change/heal others is met with hostility and defensiveness, and rightfully so - wouldn't I get pissed if someone was tinkering with me?
I want intimacy, love, affection, trust, respect, and caring - where's the website to order that?
I'm feeling really confused with relationships I have/had with guys. Do I reach out, preparing for the inevitable face-slap that will go with it? How much is my karmic debt to men I have loved in the past? I feel torn in so many ways - I don't want to cut anyone off, but if the alternative is maybe feeling pain that I don't have right now, is it worth it? Distant past, recent past, now - there can't be this many ways to feel about the opposite sex.
I see the patterns that my choices have been in the past - in one form, I made the same choice last year that I made 10 years ago. The men I'm attracted to seem to fit that pattern - immense strength in some areas, and debilitating weakness in others. I think it's gotten much more subtle over the years, but it's still there. The desire to help/fix/change/heal others is met with hostility and defensiveness, and rightfully so - wouldn't I get pissed if someone was tinkering with me?
I want intimacy, love, affection, trust, respect, and caring - where's the website to order that?