(Untitled)

[courtneycrumrin]

I scanned a page of my sketchbook. These are just some drawings of some of the Night Things I know.

They came out kind of okay.I don't know if I should color them or not. Nogg is all black. He doesn't always have that deer-in-the-headlights look to him, either. Just...usually when I'm around. >_> I thwacked him on the head with a carpetbag

Comments

[8th_castellan]

That really is it. The one word that comes to mind when I think of, am around, or am speaking to Ostha is 'vast'. He's like the ocean itself in many ways; enormous, mysterious, and potentially deadly due to those two prior traits.

I only recall now the journey I took to find him. It was a hell of one, I'll say that much. I should recount what I remember of it to you sometime. There were things at work there that I feel you'd appreciate.

Anyways, you're very sweet yourself, Courtney. I do feel heartened to hear that from you. When I call myself a monster, it's not something I say with any modicum of pride, but sometimes it only feels appropriate. And I do not think I wish for you to see me at my worst. Part of me hopes it stays that way. Part of me thinks that, of anyone to see it, you'd understand.

He is very cool! It's a little sad, however. He's yet to tell me his name, as he's not sure what it should be. I can't tell if it's a faulty memory, or if he's somehow debating if he's allowed to any longer use his living name. He also can't remember his age, which seemed equally distressing to him; it might be of cultural importance for them to share it. Worst of all, however, he doesn't know what to call himself, species-wise, due to being shunned or between tribes.

I don't think he wants it, but he has my pity.

[locked]

A facet of me, perhaps. One that's become more readily presented now that I have friends and people who genuinely love me? Makes sense. Because I'm certain that how I behave around 'normal' people is not all an act. As much an act as maintaining good manners and customs can be, I suppose.

And your Nuckelavee adventure, and eagerness to return to it someday if given the chance, only makes me more glad I know you. You understand me and the way I think and feel. Of that, I have no doubt.

[courtneycrumrin]

I'd really like to hear about that journey sometime. Journeys and quests are important. But you've had a lot of quests, I think, so it's no wonder if you get a little tired and frustrated sometimes.

Pssh, I'm not sweet, I'm a sullen teenager. I mean it, though. And I'll always try to understand, whatever happens to you or whatever you do.

That's sad. He sounds kind of shell-shocked. I guess suddenly becoming undead will do that to a person. If he needs anything, let me know?

*lock*
Yeah. I know they say you can't change people, and I guess you can't, completely, but being cared about does make a difference. It does something to a person. In a good way, I mean.

[8th_castellan]

Perhaps I should write it down. A lot of it was, well, surreal. Very dreamlike qualities throughout. Transcribing it seems a good idea, as dreams tend to fade or their details change over time. And since I've been in the process of writing a great deal about my experiences anyhow...

The same goes for you, you realize. There's little I wouldn't do for you, Courtney, and even less still that you could do that would drive me away from you. You're a valuable and beloved friend to me, no matter how sullen you get. And I'll change the subject now before I embarrass you too much with my sappiness.

It really seems to be the case, doesn't it? I'm not sure what's all going on back in his world, but it seems that there's some sort of war going on with a genuinely evil faction of undead that mentally enslave their troops. (That felt very hypocritical to say.) And he's somehow escaped them, but now doesn't know what to make of himself. If I need any helpful input as to how I can make his transition easier, you'll certainly be one of the first I'll consult.

...I also still need to introduce Hippolyta to him. And, er, she doesn't know about Ostha-Huth either. Might be a good idea to make her aware of BOTH their existences, don't you think? Yes, I need to do that.

[Locked]

I think the primary struggle I've been having is that, no, the more fiendish aspects of who and what I am or have been made into be will never go away. And sometimes I fool myself into thinking they can be, and become frustrated when I realize that's not the case. Or worse yet, I become scared, since I feel some out there expect me to be on my best behavior and are waiting for me to slip up, or doubt that I'm entirely reformed and it all really is an act with me.

It's hard to know what the real fact of the matter is sometimes. But I can love, and I now fiercely defend and am loyal to those that I do. I don't feel as if that's a bad thing.

[courtneycrumrin]

Yes, definitely write it down. You may want to remember it in full detail later.

It's a good thing this is all text so you can't see me blushing and squirming. And, you know, likewise, and I appreciate it. And stuff. It meant a lot to me that you and Hippolyta came after me when that thing with the Rassplosion happened and I was holed up in Radley Hall. I'll never forget that.

I always feel bad for the people who come into the Nexus from places with war or huge amounts of crime or whatever, and are either caught in the middle or feel like they have to help fix it. Not the ones that think posturing and acting like assholes makes them heroic, the ones that actually act like they've been to hell and back. It makes me glad I'm still a little bit sheltered.

She doesn't know about Ostha-Huth? Um. Maybe I'll just retroactively lock this thread from her so you can tell her yourself in person, then. *DOES SO* That might be a volatile discussion.

*locked from everyone else, too*
You are what you are, Ramon. Fiendish or loyal, it's all you, and the people who know you best and care about you accept that. The others...well, I won't say they don't matter, because they can affect things, but they don't matter as much. And you know Hips will help you be strong when you need to be.

[8th_castellan]

Hahaha, aww, I've gone and embarrassed you anyways. But si, you've been there for me as well. I've not forgotten either how you gave your magical aide when Umbrella had me, and how you stayed my friend during the whole ordeal with my arrest and whatnot. AND how you were so gracious to take in the Hands around that same time. You're a good friend, Courtney.

This is all very true; feeling like it's your duty to save or shape your world is a tiresome thing. Believe me, I've been there. And it's only more sad when it's compelled largely by guilt, misplaced or otherwise.

I can also only imagine, however, how it must feel to suddenly be ejected from a scenario or environment like that and unexpectedly find yourself in a far more peaceful or removed position. 'Jarring' probably doesn't even cover it. Like, that feeling you get when you can't believe something is really, actually over. Or that the better situation you've found yourself in must be a dream, and you dread waking up from it.

...Ah. Hm. Thank you. I was thinking about that; about how that might be awkward if she saw this conversation beforehand. Don't want to seem like I'm keeping secrets from her; I just haven't gotten around to mentioning it. And I already had in mind introducing her to my new arachnid tenant; I suppose a trip down to the lake is in order as well now.

[Locked]

Well-said, and thank you. It really is all I need to hear right now. Sometimes I feel like I put too much pressure on you and Hippolyta and all my other friends, though. Because we might as well not lie or pretend it's not the case; you are all what keeps me good. If I didn't have any of you, I'd probably regularly be behaving much as I did before I found the Nexus.

I just don't like the idea of any of you, Hippolyta or my friends, feeling like its I'm your responsibility or anything like that. My staying decent is my own choice; you're all just the reason I do it.

[courtneycrumrin]

The Hands were, like, the best houseguests ever. They're quiet and neat and we knew if anyone broke into the place it would be the last thing they ever did.

I hadn't thought of it that way. I always figured it was disorienting, finding yourself in a new place, but I never thought about worrying you might wake up from it. It's different for me, maybe, because I found the Nexus sort of deliberately.

No problem. Can I be flattered I get to hear about them first? Good luck introducing her.

*lock*
I can't speak for Hips or your other friends, but I don't feel any pressure. Anyway, even if I did, you're worth the effort. That came out kind of mushy, but you know what I mean.