Okay, so between the Silent Hill alert and the wounded-and-dead bodies appearing, the Nexus is looking a little perilous these days. Uncle A's jumpy. He thinks I should just stick to the school grounds
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After what Templeton did to me, I felt kind of like that. It was like outside me people were moving on and I wasn't. Like there were all these walls? And I didn't know how to break them. Like the only way I could communicate with anyone or get anyone's attention was to hurt them, or break something near them, or hurt myself.
Maybe it's not the charade. Maybe it's because you've been hurt so many times, in so many ways. It doesn't matter, sometimes, whether you know in your head that other people care and have had bad shit, too. It still feels like you're the only one ever. And then it all gets to be too much and you just shut everything you can down, sometimes without realizing that's what you're doing until people start looking at you funny.
I know I don't exactly understand what it's like to be something other than human and have to live with humans, though. I mean, except from LOLs, and those are temporary so it doesn't mean the same thing. I don't know what to tell you, except that I'm sorry, and it's not fair. But people do like you, and care about you.
Okay, so that last part sounded sappy, but I do mean it.
((Sorry, I would have responded earlier, but I was at work and my coworkers picked just then to be all up in my FACE. Grr, argh.))
I'm sorry. I didn't even realize. I've been wrapped up in projects and stuff.
I guess Ramon doesn't seem like the kind of guy you can just say 'Honey, I think we need counseling' to, otherwise I'd suggest that. If it would help, I could come visit, or you guys could come here sometime.
After what Templeton did to me, I felt kind of like that. It was like outside me people were moving on and I wasn't. Like there were all these walls? And I didn't know how to break them. Like the only way I could communicate with anyone or get anyone's attention was to hurt them, or break something near them, or hurt myself.
Maybe it's not the charade. Maybe it's because you've been hurt so many times, in so many ways. It doesn't matter, sometimes, whether you know in your head that other people care and have had bad shit, too. It still feels like you're the only one ever. And then it all gets to be too much and you just shut everything you can down, sometimes without realizing that's what you're doing until people start looking at you funny.
I know I don't exactly understand what it's like to be something other than human and have to live with humans, though. I mean, except from LOLs, and those are temporary so it doesn't mean the same thing. I don't know what to tell you, except that I'm sorry, and it's not fair. But people do like you, and care about you.
Okay, so that last part sounded sappy, but I do mean it.
((Sorry, I would have responded earlier, but I was at work and my coworkers picked just then to be all up in my FACE. Grr, argh.))
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Sorry about that, Courtney. I'm trying.
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Are you okay?
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It's been...not fun since I got back. I'm sorta at my wits' end. And since I lack a lot of wits to begin with, I'm in trouble.
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I guess Ramon doesn't seem like the kind of guy you can just say 'Honey, I think we need counseling' to, otherwise I'd suggest that. If it would help, I could come visit, or you guys could come here sometime.
((Off to dinner, bbl))
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Sad thing is, he's got a point. Ain't nobody out there with a degree in what Las Plagas does to your noggin or your bod. I just don't know.
It'll get better. Soon, hopefully. Big hugs for you, kiddo, and stay safe.
((Have a good dinner!))
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I know I say this a lot, but if there's anything I can do, let me know. And you take care, too.
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