we'll just have to wait and see
This past weekend i went home to spend what will most likely be one of the last of our little reunions (boo face) since everyone is moving away. Jessie, Mykee, Elizabeth, Julayne, Joe, and myself all got together for some in home fun one night followed by some dance club/bar fun the next night (which i am still paying for 2 days later).
I so look forward to doing those because I feel that those people keep me grounded. I get to be my absolute self around them and feel I am loved because of it (if not in spite of it in some cases).
Things are going alright over here on the west side of the state...
I'm having a bit of a financial strain approaching since my room mate decided to move out at the last minute leaving me with a much too expensive apt. which I am contracted to inhabit for the next year... but life goes on and I will find a way to deal.
I'm finally feeling 90% back to my old self.
I mean of course he changed me. He loved me and being loved changes you. It shows you what it means to be happy and gives you that confidence that only comes with the realization that someone else could care for you so deeply. He also changed me in a way I was not expecting. He caused me to become a little more jaded and I find that I don't laugh as often as I used to. I guess that's just one of the side effects of being dragged through the glass for a while.
One thing I am surprised to find is that I am less jealous than I used to be. This feels contradictory since he spent a lot of the time sneaking around and lying to me. However, I think I just learned to deal with the feeling of jealousy and learned how to move around it. I also think it's because I learned to trust myself. I finally realized that I have a voice and that I should listen to it.
We're slowly starting to talk again and I think we will eventually be able to be friends again. That is something that I really want. I could never trust him (or myself for that matter) enough to want to date him again. As a friend though, I miss him madly. He was just this huge part of my life for almost 4 years. The biggest part actually, which I guess became the problem. I relied on him to make me happy instead of relying on myself to create my own happiness.
Finally, I feel that I have finally become a person I am proud to be.
January broke me. February kicked me while I was down. March helped me up. April bandaged me. May got me moving. June healed me. July nurtured me. August will push me back out on my own to thrive.
Through all of the things this year has brought me I had the choice to go one of two ways. I could either stay downtrodden and remain the sad shell of my former self. Or I could pull myself together, learn from it all, and parlay that into a chance to become a better person.
I chose the latter.
I am more giving, less judgmental, calmer, more patient, nicer, and as a result happier.
I'm human so of course I slip. I gossip once in a while (leaps and bounds less than what I used to do) but I feel guilty when I do and I always make sure to say something good to counteract the bad I might say or think. You'd be amazed at the effect being positive and polite can have on you even after a month.
And it all started when someone bought my coffee at starbucks as a random act of kindness.
I so look forward to doing those because I feel that those people keep me grounded. I get to be my absolute self around them and feel I am loved because of it (if not in spite of it in some cases).
Things are going alright over here on the west side of the state...
I'm having a bit of a financial strain approaching since my room mate decided to move out at the last minute leaving me with a much too expensive apt. which I am contracted to inhabit for the next year... but life goes on and I will find a way to deal.
I'm finally feeling 90% back to my old self.
I mean of course he changed me. He loved me and being loved changes you. It shows you what it means to be happy and gives you that confidence that only comes with the realization that someone else could care for you so deeply. He also changed me in a way I was not expecting. He caused me to become a little more jaded and I find that I don't laugh as often as I used to. I guess that's just one of the side effects of being dragged through the glass for a while.
One thing I am surprised to find is that I am less jealous than I used to be. This feels contradictory since he spent a lot of the time sneaking around and lying to me. However, I think I just learned to deal with the feeling of jealousy and learned how to move around it. I also think it's because I learned to trust myself. I finally realized that I have a voice and that I should listen to it.
We're slowly starting to talk again and I think we will eventually be able to be friends again. That is something that I really want. I could never trust him (or myself for that matter) enough to want to date him again. As a friend though, I miss him madly. He was just this huge part of my life for almost 4 years. The biggest part actually, which I guess became the problem. I relied on him to make me happy instead of relying on myself to create my own happiness.
Finally, I feel that I have finally become a person I am proud to be.
January broke me. February kicked me while I was down. March helped me up. April bandaged me. May got me moving. June healed me. July nurtured me. August will push me back out on my own to thrive.
Through all of the things this year has brought me I had the choice to go one of two ways. I could either stay downtrodden and remain the sad shell of my former self. Or I could pull myself together, learn from it all, and parlay that into a chance to become a better person.
I chose the latter.
I am more giving, less judgmental, calmer, more patient, nicer, and as a result happier.
I'm human so of course I slip. I gossip once in a while (leaps and bounds less than what I used to do) but I feel guilty when I do and I always make sure to say something good to counteract the bad I might say or think. You'd be amazed at the effect being positive and polite can have on you even after a month.
And it all started when someone bought my coffee at starbucks as a random act of kindness.