i have Charlotte syndrome.
im so frustrated right now
luke and i went to the world market today and i said something about how i might use the money i make as a downpayment on a house
and that if he saved we could get an even bigger house
Uhhh nervouse laughter and Uhhh Yeah Uhhh
like that was crazy for me to say.
Then we were at Olive Garden and I said something else and he wigged out again
and I almost started to cry because it really makes me feel awful
like he's so bipoler about our future
one second i feel like he's about to propose
the next second the word future is a four letter word
i feel so conflicted.
like why the hell are we about to put so much energy into maintaning our relationship when I'm gone if he doesnt plan on having a future with me
why even put the time into it if we arent going to end up together
it hurts me so badly just to think about not being with him
and most of the time i think he feels the same way
but he's terrified to do anything about it
im not asking for a proposal right now (although i wouldnt turn one down)
i would just like to go away with some security
i would feel so much better about this if i knew he was sure about us
i think i may just be catching adulthood fever:
laura is planning her wedding
lisa just got engaged
courtney is about to have her baby
i just want that. i hate being in college. im not a drinker and i dont like huge parties most of the time.
i want to be married and have kids.
ideally this is what i would love:
For us to get married in like 2 or 3 years and just have a nice little house together and then when im about 27 or 28 i want to have kids
this is what i think he wants:
to be a college kid and go out and party and go to the bar with all the boys until he's about 25 then start thinking about getting married and finally get married when he's like 28 and have kids in his mid 30s.
i hate that boys mature slower than we do.
all i know is i can not wait 8 years to get married
i wont wait that long.
and if i have to im moving to staying in Manhattan and turning into Carry Bradshaw
luke and i went to the world market today and i said something about how i might use the money i make as a downpayment on a house
and that if he saved we could get an even bigger house
Uhhh nervouse laughter and Uhhh Yeah Uhhh
like that was crazy for me to say.
Then we were at Olive Garden and I said something else and he wigged out again
and I almost started to cry because it really makes me feel awful
like he's so bipoler about our future
one second i feel like he's about to propose
the next second the word future is a four letter word
i feel so conflicted.
like why the hell are we about to put so much energy into maintaning our relationship when I'm gone if he doesnt plan on having a future with me
why even put the time into it if we arent going to end up together
it hurts me so badly just to think about not being with him
and most of the time i think he feels the same way
but he's terrified to do anything about it
im not asking for a proposal right now (although i wouldnt turn one down)
i would just like to go away with some security
i would feel so much better about this if i knew he was sure about us
i think i may just be catching adulthood fever:
laura is planning her wedding
lisa just got engaged
courtney is about to have her baby
i just want that. i hate being in college. im not a drinker and i dont like huge parties most of the time.
i want to be married and have kids.
ideally this is what i would love:
For us to get married in like 2 or 3 years and just have a nice little house together and then when im about 27 or 28 i want to have kids
this is what i think he wants:
to be a college kid and go out and party and go to the bar with all the boys until he's about 25 then start thinking about getting married and finally get married when he's like 28 and have kids in his mid 30s.
i hate that boys mature slower than we do.
all i know is i can not wait 8 years to get married
i wont wait that long.
and if i have to im moving to staying in Manhattan and turning into Carry Bradshaw