The Big Bang
My head is so overwhelmed right now. Don't worry, I'm not on a mushroom trip or anything. I just have alot on my mind. I love that it's nice enough to go outside and run/walk ( yeah right ,like I run the whole time). But seriously, I can always figure things out when I can escape from my little indoor world and see the more alive part of life.
So anyway, I've been wondering: Is it ever wrong to defend yourself when you feel unappreciated or used or upset? Even if you realize later that your tormentor is probably not as heartless as you pressumed? Would it make it better to not say anything and learn to accept, or do things really have to blow up in your face for you to learn anything? Could you have hurt that person more than they hurt you?
I think that what I believe is that pain is never pointless, and people have to know how you feel if you're really going to have a bond. And sometimes, things blow up in your face, and the explosion is so huge that it shakes the buried thoughts at the back of your head to the front, and suddenly you realize something very simple that you've taken for granted.... something as small as the fact that you love the person you're angry with. And not just an obligatory love- a real love. And you remember when they laughed with you, and when they looked at you with pride- they didn't have to say it. And you remember how you felt proud to be associated with that person for being different, for forming your music taste, for exposing you to art.
And then you feel guilty. But you realize that they should feel guilty too. Because they allowed this image of themselves to slip away. They took you for granted too. They let you slip to the back of their mind too, and covered you up until you resembled nothing of yourself. So you couldn't have been wrong to speak your mind. Because the explosion had to happen.
And really, maybe everybody shouldn't change, even when you think that they should. Maybe people just need to learn to deal with eachother. I thought that was tedious before, but now I think that it can only help in understanding yourself more. I just hope that I'm right and everything's okay.