(no subject)
im having one of those nights again. i know i have people in my life who say that they'll be there whenever i need them but its at night when its the worse. i dont even know why. its just these past couple nights ive been crying myself to sleep. people say they're there for you but i have never felt so alone in my life. its weird to explain. you know when you're trying not to cry and you have to kinda hold your breath and you get all that tension in your chest and it kinda hurts? thats what i've been having like all day long. i think itsjust me holding in all the tears but still. im just so scared. just when i think things are as bad as they can get something else comes along to knock it out of the ballpark. why do i feel so alone? i hate crying every night too. i read this thing that said crying is good for you but i dont think its good if you do it every day for long periods of time. what if things get really bad and my friends start leaving because they think its too weird or something? she only has a 30% chance of living. thats really bad. that means her health is going to get really bad. i hate this. everything. i hate this feeling of aloneness. i have so many people around me all the time but it still feels like im standing alone all the time. i guess im just typing this because its night and that makes everything worse and i always end up crying myself to sleep over stupid stuff and i somehow find that typing this out kinda releases things that need to be said. i guess im not as strong as i used to be cause i could always hold everything together. things are going downhill.