(no subject)
as you can see it's rather early. i don't really have much to say. but i'm just that bored. i never really update anymore. i think that i'm going to try to do it. most of the time when i do i usually say something that causes a lot of drama so just stop writing.
i want to go back to school really bad. i don't think that i get to go back untill April 25th. that's a long way away. just around a month. i'm kind of going back and forth as weather having surgery was worth it. as most of you don't know i had surgery on my back on feb. 24th. they had to fuse L5 and L4 together. they put 2 screws and a rod in my back. they were suppost to put 4 screw and 2 rods but they couldn't because the 'natural' holes (what my doctor calls it) in my back wernt shaper right and he didn't want to take the chance of putting a bigger crack in my disc then there already was. but by far that was the worst pain i've ever been in in my entire life. i will never have another surgery the rest of my life. even though the doctor says that i have to have a whole disc replaced.all i can remember is before my surgery a doctor/nurse/whatever he was saying "look at the ugly face, LOOK AT THE UGLY FACE!". after that i dont know anything. when i woke up i started crying because it hurt so bad and i wasn't yet on any kind of pain meds. i was in the recovery room from about noon-3 or 3:30pm. that really sucked. all i could do was sleep. i'd wake up every so often and there would be some nurse talking to me and i don't really know what i was saying. then this really old and nice man was in the bed next to me. we talked for about 20 minutes then he got to leave. he was pretty alive and awake for just having surgery. after i got up to my room i told my mom that i needed some sort of food or a drink since it had been well over 12 hours since i had had anything. so she went and got me this micro-shake. it was pretty good. but of course it made me sick i threw it all up. felt really bad for my room mate because she had to listin to me for about 4 hours or so. then she got to go home. the next day i felt a little better. i was a little more awake and watching tv. i finally got put on a morphine pump. it didn't really help with the pain much it just made me sleep.i guess that i would wake up, ask for some ice, then fall back asleep and when my mom or dad would go to put the ice in my mouth i'd wake up and be like wowa what in the heck are you doing?! after laying down for 52 hours straight i finally got my brace. it felt really good. and i was able to get up and walk around a little bit. i couldn't walk much. only a few feet at a time cuz i'd get dizzy. my physical therapist came and she gave me a walker because i couldn't walk as far as they wanted me to. the last day that i was there they sent up the physical therapist and i walked down the hall and then they made me do stairs. it hurt a lot but i just had to work though pain to get better. I remember seeing a little boy in a room that i passed or that i was sitting outside of while i rested so i could walk back to my room and i could see that he wasn't ok. he wasn't doing well at all. i felt terrible for him. he had it so much worse than me. and he wasn't crying he just sat there and looked at me then smiled. i could tell that he was really sick and he was all alone in his room. made me feel kind of bad because there wasn't one time when i was alone in my room.my mom slept by my side in these little hard chairs every night that i was there. i love her so much for doing it for me. and now i feel bad because of all of the doctor bills that we keep getting in the mail.i tell my parents how sorry that i am and how it's all my fault. they tell me that it's not my fault that it's the doctors for making us wait so long and he kept telling me that something else was wrong then what was really wrong. but i guess i don't blame him eaither. it was just something that happend. it runs in the family what can i say? when i got home my bed was moved into the game room and my dad slept down there in a chair for 2 weeks. that's right he didn't go to his bed for 2 weeks. that's a crazy long time. he used to wake up every 2 hours with me so he could help me get out of bed so that i could go to the bathroom. it was sweet of him to do that as it was of my mom to stay with me in indy. now it's around 4 weeks after my surgery. i feel great and i'm moving around great. i'm more than ready to go back to school, to drive my car, hang out with friends and just to what i used to do. but i guess that life will go back to normal sooner or later.
well i'm done writing i'm going to go and take some vicdions then go to bed. later