The X-files
X-files:
I can't even start to describe how giddy, how excited I really am about the movie. It's just, it has been so many years since I was this crazy little X-files fangirl loving just everything about the series, totally in love with Mulder and Scully and now it's just odd and interesting, and fun.
And I don't think it's pathetic to say that I actually grew up with them, that I was influenced in so many ways I can't even start to enumerate and it's as if coming home to a special time and a special place somewhere inside myself.
It's the feeling I have about this that matters and I can't put it into words, maybe it's like revisiting a place in the past I missed or I forgot about.
Tour de France:
Frank Schleck wears the yellow jersey, which is great because he actually is the only so called favourite or top cyclist I can bear. I mean they aren't that bad this year, and even I don't understand why exactly I watch it because they are all taking something, anything to improve their results... That may sound really bad and I so want to believe that some of them are clean, but I suppose that'd as naive as I used to be concerning Lance Armstrong. But hey, I don't know and it's still great sports and really exciting, at least the last thirty minutes or so...
My fucking eating disorder:
Fuck you. Today was hard because I really do want to stay clean, not to binge and purge, not to eat less than I am supposed to, which is really just as bad as the binging and purging. And I had a hard time eating something because I still was really hungry, but I couldn't allow myself to eat some more then. It's always as if i try to tell myself that I really had enough and I often "forget" to consider that I ran at least 8K today, that I am a really active person and that I am ALLOWED to be hungry. And even more importantly to eat. But I managed today. And still I am so afraid of gaining weight it kills me. Because I am not thin, I am normal, I work out a lot, I am a small person, petite, but I am not thin. And it's more important to be healthy than to be thin. Still. It's hard.
I can't even start to describe how giddy, how excited I really am about the movie. It's just, it has been so many years since I was this crazy little X-files fangirl loving just everything about the series, totally in love with Mulder and Scully and now it's just odd and interesting, and fun.
And I don't think it's pathetic to say that I actually grew up with them, that I was influenced in so many ways I can't even start to enumerate and it's as if coming home to a special time and a special place somewhere inside myself.
It's the feeling I have about this that matters and I can't put it into words, maybe it's like revisiting a place in the past I missed or I forgot about.
Tour de France:
Frank Schleck wears the yellow jersey, which is great because he actually is the only so called favourite or top cyclist I can bear. I mean they aren't that bad this year, and even I don't understand why exactly I watch it because they are all taking something, anything to improve their results... That may sound really bad and I so want to believe that some of them are clean, but I suppose that'd as naive as I used to be concerning Lance Armstrong. But hey, I don't know and it's still great sports and really exciting, at least the last thirty minutes or so...
My fucking eating disorder:
Fuck you. Today was hard because I really do want to stay clean, not to binge and purge, not to eat less than I am supposed to, which is really just as bad as the binging and purging. And I had a hard time eating something because I still was really hungry, but I couldn't allow myself to eat some more then. It's always as if i try to tell myself that I really had enough and I often "forget" to consider that I ran at least 8K today, that I am a really active person and that I am ALLOWED to be hungry. And even more importantly to eat. But I managed today. And still I am so afraid of gaining weight it kills me. Because I am not thin, I am normal, I work out a lot, I am a small person, petite, but I am not thin. And it's more important to be healthy than to be thin. Still. It's hard.